Financial situation

Hi everyone,
Is anyone else struggling financially since they had their LO? We were okay at the start with my maternity pay but as soon as it went down it’s gone from bad to worse! Now I am back at work full time and with paying childcare it seems like we never see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The stress and the effect on our mental health is significant. We just simply don’t have enough and every time something happens it’s so stressful. We had to take our cat to the vets and spent the night stressing about the fact that we can’t afford it. My MOT is coming up and if my car doesn’t pass we simply don’t have the money to fix it.

Sorry about the long explanation but I just don’t know how long we can live like that. I’m a full time teacher and my partner works at a factory. We don’t have family to help us so have to put our baby in childcare full time. Cutting back hours would make us lose money.

I just don’t know what to do. I wondered if anyone had any advice or if you’ve been in a similar situation and found a solution? Thank you xx

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I would look at your direct debits and see if there are any you don't neeeeed right now. Is there anything you are paying for that you could do without until things get a bit better.

I would also look at your food shop, a month cutting back on that can make a big difference. Plan out every meal so at the end of the week your fridge is empty and only has condiments etc in it so there is no food waste. Also take a look at your freezer and just eat as much as you can in there over the next month.

Do you have any savings and investments that you can move around to get better rates?

If you have a phone contract can you change it? You can get really good sim only deals for £10 a month

thank you for taking the time to give me advice.

We have tried all of that unfortunately, it’s just all putting a lot of stress on both of us and I’m worried it’ll end up affecting our LG 😞

Have you looked into seeing if you would get any help towards the cost of childcare through the government? I know there was a scheme where you could get help but i dont know if you have to be on a low income or not, worth having a look.
Does your work not do a childcare scheme either where they help towards the cost? Through vouchers?
Its hard really hard financially and the stress of paying for childcare makes it so hard for us as mums to make the decision to either keep going with work or whether we would be better off on a 1 household income, its so tricky!
I hope you are able to sort something out ❤️

It is really hard ❤️ I just thought I would mention in case you haven't heard of it - there is a support for working parents called "Chilcare Tax Free" and although it's limited to £500 per quarter, it's still a great help x I have never heard of it before couple of months ago so unsure if it's an obvious one for most but hope it helps!

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭