First baby and MIL

Is there anyone here who does not want their mother inlaw to be around at least the first few weeks of your baby being born?
Back story: my inlaw has been coming to my house from overseas and staying for over 2-3 months to even once over a whole year. In the past 13 yrs of marriage, she has been living in my house for over 6 yrs total. She does cook and does light cleaning. But because of her long stays and my husband keeping her here longer that I can bear her, we always fight. The ugliest fights we ever had throughout our marriage were over his parents staying w us for too long ( well now the dad is dead so its her and she loves living in usa. I just told him I don't want her here till I let him know when she can come and that resulted in another fight just an hour ago. Well he was yelling from top of his lungs and did not want to hear me talk.

I also would like to say that my other 2 sister inlaws hate her guts and don't keep her past 2 weeks. So basically, I have to always make up for her stay in the USA. I just don't want her to come in the beginning when we are most vulnerable after the baby's birth cause then my husband will think we cannt ever take care of own child without her help, then he will keep her here for the rest of her life, saying we need her to help w the kid.

Do you guys ever had such experience and think I would really need her? I have to have a c- section and I'm looking to hire a postpartum doula for a few days to weeks.

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well you will not need her, but probably will need help that can come from friends. i didn’t want my MIl close to me at all because she has anxiety problems that is so bad that my baby would cry. then after my husband talked so much and make my mind to let her watch the baby for few ours. so i see in the camera something very weird happening. she would suck his pacifier and then put it in his mouth. i was discussed. after that i could ever have the same relationship with her

@Fern Magalhaes omg that's so weird. My husband wants her to be around cause she can at least cook and make sure there is food and keep the living room and kitchen clean but also he loves having ppl around all the time. She knows how to get him to do what she wants and he is a ppl pleasure in general. He loves keeping her around. I agree that I don't need her especially if I have a doula but need to figure something out when I have to go back to work

@Kori my is not disrespectful but when she is here she is the boss and I hate that. Plus she knows how to get her way w him. He is the last son and has a soft spot for her though He will put her in her places if needed. But it's a thing w them that they are always in competition with their family and need to show off all the time. For instance in her case she tell her family back home that her kids love her so much that they buy her airplane ticket to.come and stay for 6month of the year in usa

@Kori I wish this one would go to work so she would not be home all day. She us not a good cook, neither she is neat. My husband always picks on her cooking n yells at her, of course not in front of me but I know when it happens. I just don't want her to come and stay w me forever. I could put up w her being here for a month, max 2 but more than that I'm crying and upset n I don't want to feed my baby bad milk contaminated w my bad hormones

It’s a tough one.. do you have your family nearby can they come and help? In thst case you can say you are comfortable with during this time in your life or you could say to him nicely that you are not comfortable having her around and it’s your vulnerable time of life and intimate and you just want to be yourself and don’t want to be interrupted. It’s hard I know .. hope something works out for you..

@Maria my sister will come for the birth and stay for a few days. But I cannot tell him that cause then he Def wants his mom here too. In general his mom is the sensitive topic that always lands us in a fight.

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?