Just a rant 😞

I was sick my entire pregnancy. I spent 95% of the time hospitalized. My boyfriend at the time (whom I’ve been with for 8 years) has been there but also tore me down in the process. Telling me things like ; I’m the reason he can’t sleep. I’m too expensive to feed (I had alot of cravings) i threw up so much, to the point where I threw up blood. This happened constantly. I’d have to wait for him to smoke a blunt before he could take me to the hospital. (The hospital is 8 minutes away from my house). Eventually I lost my job due to me being unable to physically work. I paid all the bills, but now it was on him. He couldn’t handle the bills, and we ended up losing my apartment ( he lived with me, I didn’t live with him) a month before giving birth I moved closer to my family because I literally had no choice, and I figured they’d help me since this is my first pregnancy. (They have been amazing). When in labor, and when it was time for me to push, my baby’s dad sat in the reclining chair while I was about to push our daughter out. The doctor had to tell him to stand up and hold my hand. I was so embarrassed. Anyway, a month later My sister and I ended up getting an apartment together, life has been good. Him and I decided to go our separate ways. Our daughter is now 4 months. He lives with his aunt and claims he’s “homeless” and he cannot provide for our daughter. And I have never asked him for anything because in my eyes , this is MY CHILD. I suffered for her, and I have her 24/7 & I will take care of her. He’s seen her twice in her life. My family , my mom, sister & brothers all want nothing to do with him. So being that my older sister and I live together, she doesn’t want him around. They hate him for how he treated me while pregnant. So he can’t come to my house to see our daughter. He constantly blames my family because I moved closer to them, he’s saying that my family is the reason he can’t see his child. And my family this my family that… in my eyes, my family is the reason I can work. They help with her so I can take a nap sometimes. They help me take her to her appointments. Their life now revolves around my daughter. What do I do? Do I talk to my sister? Or do I just let him be?

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If he wants to be a part of your daughter’s life then you need to allow him to regardless if he can afford it or not. At least he’s trying? Yes it’s awful how he treated you but that shouldn’t stop him seeing his child your family is just protecting you which makes sense but if a Father wants to be part of a child’s life then I would allow it to happen it goes back to the “if they wanted to they would” so if that’s him then open your mind to it, your relationship is over doesn’t mean his daughters relationship has to be. I’m sorry you went through such a hard time in your pregnancy and I hope if you ever do have another child you’ll have a better and healthy pregnancy.

I’ve never stopped him from being a part of her life. He always said he’d get an air bnb so he can see her, he’d get a hotel so he can see her, and something always happens and he suddenly can’t come. He can’t afford to buy a pack of diapers for her but can afford to buy a bag of weed. He tries to be involved when he feels like it, then he’ll take a break for a few weeks or a month until he asks me how she’s doing again. And I can’t just have him popping in and out whenever he pleases, you know? But I do try, whenever he says he wants to come see her, I never get inbetween. I make sure he knows that he’s more than welcome. He’s just a sometime-ish person. And my daughter deserves stability. Someone that checks in daily not weekly/monthly.

I agree with you, if he makes the effort and carries out an actual plan to see her (like an airbnb, or park date or visit etc) then sure. But putting it on you with these excuses is not acceptable. If he wanted to, he would! Bypass an eight of weed to save some cash to take her to the park and buy lunch for you guys. It’s not difficult, it sounds like you’re willing to let him be a part in the most bare minimum way and he still isn’t showing up. Your daughter will realize what kind of person he is once she’s older, let her witness it and don’t close the door entirely on him seeing her but I wouldn’t go out of your way to talk to your sister or family, especially if they’ve been there for you in his absence, until he proves himself to you and to your baby.

smh his excuse is “I need to smoke or else my day goes bad” .. and I’m like “no problem dude” lol, I let him do as he pleases, but I refuse to let him walk in and out of my daughter’s life. She’s a baby and doesn’t need that confusion you know? and you’re right, when she gets older she’ll see for herself. I appreciate you 🫶🏼

true, my family’s the only people that supported me. He’s rarely ever supported me and the thing that bothers me the most is that he’s literally non existent in her life, doesn’t do shit for her, doesnt buy shit for her but DEMANDS to see her. DEMANDS pictures of her.. and I send them cause I’m not gonna withhold pictures but still it bothers me.

I’m 💯 with your family on this, he sounds like an utter waste of space.

I wouldn't talk to your sister. Tell him HE is the reason he can't be in her life. It was his behavior that drove you away and resulted in your family stepping in to help and protect you. He puts weed ahead of his daughter (and previously you). Your baby needs stability, not someone who is going to come and go as the mood strikes. I wouldn't do a damn thing for him.

in our community

Hidden veg mince pasty 🥐

Grated courgette and carrot mixed in with onion and mince and a little bit of tomato puree. 😋

My daughter has become a little fussy and prefers anything she can hold so made these today for lunch! She’s 14 months old 🩷

Am I wrong for getting upset?

Long story short. My cousin made a group chat for bridesmaids and groomsman to plan out bachelorette party.
I sent one text about finding a sitter and my cousin texts me to stop saying stuff like that cause no one gives a shit? As if no one else is gonna mention their personal lives during planning a trip of 10 people?
I. Put the screenshots. I got so hurt I told her just count me out if the mention of my kid offends everyone.

Appropriate age to go out

I am the kind of person who struggles with being at home all day, not good for my mental health. I have a 1 month old and I am trying to start doing things with her. Like going ti the park, running errands. But people seem surprised and kind of judgy that I am out with the baby at her age. Is this wrong?

Having a bit of a sad day

I don’t know if I want advice or just to get it out a bit.
I had a bit of a rubbish Mother’s Day, and then today had a falling out with my mum.
Very long story short, me and my partner turn 30 this year and were thinking of taking a short trip (2-3 days max) just the two of us to celebrate. Our son will be 2 by then.
We had discussed leaving our son with our parents and them sort of splitting having him (eg. My mum has him one night and my boyfriend’s mum has him the other two nights, or whatever we collectively decide on). They are both happy to do this.

Yesterday my MIL was pushing my son’s pram and got distracted and pushed it off the pavement into the road, a car missed the pram by about 5 seconds. This upset me a lot.

Me and my partner discussed this later on and I said it worries me leaving our son with her in case she does something like that. We also discussed the fact that my mum pays very little attention to our son when she’s with him and is absolutely glued to her phone (looking at social media etc) so we might just take him on holiday with us.

Then this morning I had a chat with my mum and told her we would probably just take our son away with us. She asked why and I mentioned the pram thing with my MIL so she said she would just have him- so I thought it was time to mention that when she’s with him she is glued to her phone and gets distracted and that it just worries me a bit. (For reference she’s been watching him before and because she’s been on her phone he’s managed to get half way up her stairs.)
She absolutely lost it at me. Called me rude etc.

I try so hard not to upset anyone and I’m just so so fed up now. I just wish it was simple and we could trust them to take care of him but they are both away with the fairies.

I want to talk to my mum but i don’t know how to approach it now. Just feel like i need a big cry.

Roles between a sthm and a working partner?

I started wondering if our arrangement makes any sense. When I was pregnant I saw a cute video of a couple where they sleep seperately, the mom takes care of the baby during the night, the husband wakes up early in the morning takes over so the woman sleeps a bit before he gets to work I suggest this arrangement to my husband and we both liked it. Since I gave birth to my 22 month old boy, we are sleeping separately, I’m taking care of everything. My toddler still wakes up during the night every two hours on average. I wake up in the morning to make his breakfast and drive him to the train station and pick him up later in the day. I clean and cook and take care of my boy, with no appreciation or thank you. If I say I’m tired it turns he’d say what are you doing all day or he’d remind me of how he’s paying for everything. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I don’t feel this is how a team should work.

Water

My LO is 10 months old and I try and offer him water with meals but he will only take a couple of sips. I’ve tried adding freshly made apple juice to sweeten it a bit, in case this would entice him, but he still refused. I think if it’s not milk, he doesn’t want it, or it’s odd to him.

Any tips?