“I feel jipped”

Here I am again, sharing my story just for the reason to vent to let some of my frustration out.
Story time!

My husband and I have had multiple issues with my MIL since we got engaged 2 years ago. She was awful while we planned our wedding, awful during the wedding and after. Could care less about me during my pregnancy then the second our baby was born had 0 boundaries and wanted to be at our house constantly, which we wouldn’t allow.

Fast forward to now, baby is 3 months old. Her and I have had very little communication since baby was born as to the argument she started with my husband when I was 3 DAYS postpartum.

My Dad passed away suddenly the beginning of September so I’ve been grieving and just trying to figure out how to make it through day by day over the last month.
Our original plan was to spend Christmas with my in-laws this year as we typically rotate every year, because it was an in-law year for me my parents were planning on going to Mexico for Christmas. Since my dad passed I decided I couldn’t spend Christmas with my in-laws, I need to be with my mom and brother for the first Christmas without my Dad.
My husband tells his moms this and she has the audacity to tell him “she feels jipped” that we’re now not spending Christmas with them. Turns this around and makes it completely about her.

I’m FUMING, she feels jipped, my Dad passed away. We will never see him again, BUT SHE FEELS JIPPED.

What would you do?
In my fit of rage I told my husband she doesn’t even know what jipped feels like but she’s about too. I don’t think I’m going to see her anymore, this is the icing on top for me with ALL the other bullshit she has created. EVERY TIME we see them there is another issue, another comment, another form of manipulation. I’m done.

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Oh I'd cut her off too. I'm so sorry about your dad. She's being so fucking selfish

I'd tell her she could either shut her mouth and be happy seeing us the day after Christmas (or whatever alternate day worked best), or she wouldn't see me or my child again for a very long time.

Sorry for your loss. Can you maybe think that what she feels might also be valid to express? Maybe she does want to spend time with you guys. But the support should come from your husband. Many mother in laws were not shown empathy, they grew up without them being taught about that, but if you can see she has no empathy then empathize with her about her lack of empathy. Talk to your hubby about how important is for you to spend time with your family due to the grieving . Maybe you spend time with ur family and he spends time with his family this year? There's many options, but anger doesn't help. Try to look at it objectively.

not when every time we’ve seen them for the past 3 years she has caused some form of an issue. If this was the first comment, then ok fine. But it has been non stop bullshit for 3 years including when I was 3 days postpartum. If she’s not the centre of attention there is a problem.

And I need my husbands support this year, when you get married that person is your main support, I’m not losing my main support when this Christmas is going to be hard enough to handle AND it’s our baby’s first Christmas. We aren’t spending it separately.
My husband understands, he’s just as mad at his mother as I am.

@Erin I understand and you are correct, hubby should be then with you. You can tell ur MIL her feelings are heard but that she could also listen to how you both feel and empathize with your loss.

MIL can be like that, but don't let anger get the better of you. She will still be a headache, but you have options: a) can try to just ignore her instead of trying to get her to understand, b) you can tell her straight on how hurt you've been with her lack of empathy and solidarity since baby was born and that you feel she always makes it about her when that's not the case or c) let your hubby tell her that, and you just make distance [option c is what I've done for mine, which is also a headache].

That is extremely selfish! Someone has passed and she can only think about her not acceptable at all. Any reasonable human would completely understand your partner needs to speak up and say exactly that

I am very sorry to hear about your dad. And your horrible MIL.
However, I do think her feelings are valid.
We were not in your situation, but for our sons first Christmas to save a headache of choosing of me having to travel all over with our newborn, we hosted Christmas at our house. Baby was in his comfort zone, we didn’t have to leave the house, I had everything I needed to care for my son.
I’m not sure if this situation could work for you, but it could be a good solution for you to be with your family during this terrible time and your mil to be involved because it will be a happy time too.
If not I think arranging to see her the day before or after is a solution she’s going to have to accept.
Prayers that this situation goes as peacefully as possible for you ❤️

Oh I want to add her feelings may be valid, but it was selfish for her to voice them to you knowing your situation.

I’m so sorry about your dad. Honestly she sounds like a selfish b*tch. Excuse my language, but that’s just something I’d never forgive. That’s the most uncalled for thing to say to someone who’s grieving.

She needs to get over herself.
Who cares if it’s “her” year? Who cares if it’s the babies first Christmas and she was smug about getting that title.

You are going through a horrendous time. You’ve lost a massive part of your life and of course your going to want to see your mum and brother!

I’m sorry she is being this way. You’re doing nothing wrong here

I am so so sorry for your loss! A loss like that is devastating, and you're only 3 months post partum.

A couple years ago, a father figure in my life unexpectedly passed away. It was life changing. I'm just imagining, in that situation, back when I wasn't a mom, if someone had used those words when I'm just trying to be with my family, it would've been the end of the world. There is nooo way I would've tolerated that.

I totally understand that she's going to miss having you all there, which is fine and understandable, but to say "I feel jipped" ARE YOU SERIOUS?? What should have happened is that SHE should have suggested that perhaps you'd like to spend this Christmas with your family. That would've been the right thing for her to do. Or when she found out you'll be spending Christmas with your family, even if she didn't like it, she should've understood.

I agree with @dom
Any normal person wouldn't say that. I wouldn't be able to see or think straight if someone said that to me.

I hope you and your family find patience and peace during this hard time. It's great that your husband is staying with you for support.
Death is hard. There will be many "firsts" to get through. Wishing you extra care, for you and your family

exactly

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?