Can anything be done about center of attention kids ?

Overcompensating and not disciplining her is doing her no favors. The behavior will continue and get worse. She will grow into an adult no one wants to be around and continue to play the victim.

9 yrs old is absolutely old enough to understand not to do something. So she's doing it on purpose.

She's throwing tantrums and crying because she knows she'll get her way when she does. Your husband can teach her without being the bad parent.

My daughter actually is 2, lol, and sometimes throws tantrums. I just look at her and go that's crazy and then ignore her until she stops. Which she usually does pretty quickly when she realizes I'm not entertaining it.

Idk what his relationship is like with her mom but maybe they need to talk and get on the same page about this because she will have to reinforce whatever boundaries you try to set.

My daughter is 9 and I can tell you that they absolutely understand right from wrong. They can also be easily manipulated so I would also question if her mom has something to do with it. The mom could be telling her to act up as a way of getting back at her dad for leaving? Just an idea, but, your partner HAS TO stop this behavior asap.

Dad is the problem here
He needs to step up and parent not be some fun guy that comes in just for the joy of it!? 1/3 of the year is quite a bit of time it’s not like he only sees her during school holidays! I think boundaries need setting it isn’t all about her and he needs to nip that in the bud
If she’s hitting your boys she’s disciplined for that
If she’s winding them up she’s disciplined for that
If she gets upset because she’s been told off then she can go be upset elsewhere because crocodile tears don’t mean she gets away with it!

When you have her it needs to be family events or things everyone enjoys or they take turns choosing something fun to do and they’re all told if they ruin the event because it wasn’t their choice then they skip a chance at choosing until they learn to respect other peoples choices

But dad needs to get a grip because he’s setting her up to fail MASSIVELY!

Can't say I condone what he's doing but there's also more background to potentially why she's behaving how she does. Questions like, how long have they been separated? Has anyone talked to her about how she feels not having her dad around full time like she used to? I 100% agree that her behaviours are inappropriate however there could be meaning behind them and working with her to help could also be a good thing. Often misbehavior is a sign that something further is going on and the way the child communicates it , is the misbehaving.
Just saying it could be one of a few avenues. Wishing you luck 🙂
Also wouldn't hurt to talk out your feelings with a counselor or someone about how it impacts you because that is seemingly having a lasting effect.

Her behaviour is not okay so please don’t get me wrong, but another point of view.

This girl doesn’t get to see her father often, so she may be playing up in order to get his attention. While it’s not the right way to go about it, it does guarantee his focus is on her. Those two should be spending time alone together, because he isn’t around as often. This is how parents & children bond. She isn’t always there to spend time with you or her brothers, she’s there to see him. Yes at family events, that is a very different situation. But time alone & family events go hand in hand. They’re both needed in this child’s life. And of course she is going to want to be the centre of his attention when she is with him, because she doesn’t get his attention when she’s at home with her mum. She is still a child & her emotions aren’t regulated yet. She may not know how to express herself any other way, than playing up. She may not even know or understand her feelings yet.