Relationship braking

I'm open to complete raw honest opinions..and advise, esp from others that have been in a similar situation...

I had my first baby, girl, the end of this July, 4 weeks pp my partner broke his ankle & wrist due to a drunken fight on a night out (with his brother!🙄) so up untill 2 weeks ago he had a cast on his wrist, so he wasn't even able to hold our baby girl for some time.. completely missed all the nappies, changing, walking her to settle... basically everything... even after he broke his bones, he turned on me when I came back (oh yeah, I forgot to mention because he wasnt able to work, we had to move out of our home 4wksPP, into his parents in a box room and another child in the house, complete chaos here, don't get me wrong I'm grateful for a roof over my head but it is chaos with no boundaries) so after he came back from the hospital (a week after the injury) he was quite nasty towards me (I didn't visit in the hospital as I was so fresh PP and my baby girl was getting colic & really hard to handle she was feeling all the stress & going from a quite house with just us to staying at a different family members house until he came out of hospital so I could be with him) ordering me around, demanding I cook dinners while my baby wouldn't stay with anyone but me, said things like "she'll have to learn your busy" 🤯 telling me I'll have to go and get out working.. glued to his phone and not paying attention to our baby girl, to the point of a type of jelousy that he had no attention...sorry I've a newborn baby that has no clue about emotional regulation & is cluster feeding stuck to my boob🙌😅 he even went back out to a party while he was still in a leg cast, didn't come home for hours... fast forward to present day, he's trying to go back out every weekend now since he's "back to normal"...
Still no job, so he literally has all the time in the world, yet still every odd day is completely off with me, gets so shitty with me in the mornings because he's woken up (8-9am, he doesn't even wake up for when I'm awake with baby girl from 5/6 😅)... sometimes I'll need to go for a shower and he'll have a scob on him, I brush my teeth/wash my face have a pee & before I go to go in the shower he'll ask what's taking so long... yet he's completely fine sometimes... it's like two personalities and I never know which one im gonna meet.
He's in active addiction which explains it all, daily drinking and will have substances when he goes out, we were even out on a walk a couple weeks ago and he found a random bag of white powder, on a Sunday, fucked off to "watch a match" and didn't come back till late that evening obviously still on it & 2 bottles of beer to accompany him.
Now today he went to watch a football game, promised me he'd be back at 4pm so I could have a nap (im in the beginning of a cold/flu & feeling run down/tired), it's past 9pm & he's still not back, I've been crying and overwhelmed just at the flood of emotions after I got my baby girl to sleep because it's all feeling so surreal now... I feel like Im coming out of the fresh postpartum daze and now I'm starting to see & feel reality...
I'm sitting here tonight with just a hopeless feeling in my stomach and a genuine desire to call it quits, my feelings are soon turning (I've been dealing with his addiction for 6 years (7, with a break inbetween because it got so bad before) and im all out of energy, I just feel overwhelmed and want to push him away (feeling inside, I'm not doing this physically) if he's around me.

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I am usually one for sticking with relationships - it’s tough with a new baby and it’s not a good time to make such monumental life decisions. But from everything you’ve said here, I would run. You have to be able to trust your partner with your child at the very least, and if he’s an addict without remorse or shame who is utterly unreliable, then you cannot trust him with your daughter. You also want to be able to rely on your partner for support. Being able to take a nap when your sick or go for a shower is the absolute bare minimum of expectations and he isn’t meeting those. You and your daughter deserve more than this.

There’s no excuse for his behaviour if he trueley cared about you he would’ve thought about the shit you have gone through. Raising a baby is a two person job and the fact that his priorities lie with substances and going out is so very wrong. If he was to leave you’d be in the same boat and it shouldn’t be like that, there’s men out there who are supportive, put effort in and help even when the children arnt there’s yet your kid is his and he can’t do the bare minimum so my advice is cut your losses and find someone who will make you feel loved and cared for and your baby deserves someone who really cares for her someone other than you and you deserve that too x

Such a hard situation to be in. And no words anyone gives you here are going to make you feel better, but my advice to you is to take time away from him. It sounds like he is adding to your stresses when you are a new mum the last thing you need is this kind of behaviour. Post Partum is the most vulnerable time in your life and you also need to be looked after. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

If he is actively drinking and using substances then nothing you say or do will ever change his behaviour. He will only change when he wants to stop and gets professional help for that. Plus you can’t trust him with your child as he is displaying neglectful behaviour.

Are you in the UK? If you are then you know you are able to get support from the government if you become a single parent, and also are you able to lean on your own family for support?

I hope things work out for you

Simple... get out. You and baby girl would be much better off with just the two of you. "Dad" isn't doing his part and honestly seems like he doesn't want to be doing it either. You don't need that kinda toxic behavior in you or your daughters life.

Work on you love. 💕

If you want to get out. Get your self stabled, financially and mentally 1st. It will go down hill quickly. We as mothers can tolerate things towards us but with kids it’s became added burden. Partner by definition mean support and companionship.

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