Husband caused birth trauma

I had a planned csection due to gestational diabetes and an 11 pound baby. We don't have much family support, so it was only my husband around to help at and after the birth.

He didn't do any research about what was going to happen, so never took anything to the hospital for himself and was shocked that the nurses weren't going to take the baby so he could pop back home etc. He also didn't understand I wouldn't be mobile and able to pick up the baby myself either, meaning nappy changes, feeds and soothing, would fall on him for a while.

This massively stressed him out, and due to lack of sleep, he got very snippy at me whenever the baby woke in the night and I'd wake him to help (I was stuck in bed unable to walk, so apart from rocking the crib, there wasn't much else I could do.)

He convinced me to leave the hospital on the second day when I didn't feel ready yet, and we had to lie to the staff that I was eating and weeing normally in order to get discharged ( I wasn't). This was because he claimed he would sleep better at home in a bed, and would therefore be better able to look after us. Being the only person keeping me and my baby alive at that point, I obv went along with what he said he needed.

At home he was the same and could just get more tired and stressed out at me. I once said "I'm really tired after the operation and in so much pain" to him, and he got really cross, saying I was trying to diminish how tired he was. He also shouted at me and threw the duvet at me and the baby one night after he didn't have time to game that day.

He has been a lot better since and has even said sorry for how he was back then. He is even supporting me to not go back to work. But I feel a bit traumatised by the whole time and upset that the first few weeks of my babies life was so dreadful. It upsets me, especially when people talk about how great he was for helping me feed and change the baby when I was supposedly "resting".

I'm not really sure what I'm asking, but does anyone else have an experience like this? I have more trauma about my husbands actions after the birth than the birth itself.

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This sounds awful also praising him for supporting you going back to work isn’t even a thing. You’re a person and a parent to your baby just like he is . Why should you not go back yo work ? On another note - most hospitals don’t even let dad stay and the nurses help pick baby up in the night Uruk you go home.

Good morning lovely💕 I’m so sorry you went through this! It must’ve been incredibly hard for your physical and mental health. You’re a first time mum I assume?

Is it fair for me to say you’re in a much better place now and things are ticking along nicely in your family? I wonder if you have a bit of fomo as you look back and perhaps wish it could’ve always been like this?

I’m not surprised you’re still affected by it. I think people are so quick to go for the dads throat. Sounds like he had a reality shock and was perhaps suffering from post natal depression as this can happen to dads too. Just hope you’re both okay now 💕

The exact same happened to me. I’m still traumatised by it and can’t get over it. Even though my husband has apologised and isn’t proud of it.

The hospital we were at didnt help with stuff like that overnight and the birth partner was expected to sleep over on the reclining chair to help with the baby. The nurses would only support if there was an issue.

We are in a better place now and I definitely have fomo looking back at how bad it was. I still have to keep up the lie to my friends and family too that he was supportive, to not embarrass him, which is difficult as I like to talk about things to process them.

He absolutely got a massive reality shock, but I'm a bit resentful still, as I talked to Jim about all of this and what it would be like before we even tried to get pregnant, and he convinced me he was going to look after us and not rely on me to do/pack/explain/list/research everything for him.

*talked to him

I do think it would have been a bit more positive if we had more support from the nurses.
I was told I need to move around and do things for my baby hours after my C-section. It was so painful trying to get out of the bed and try to pick up my baby. The only kind nurse was a student nurse.

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