TW Feeling like I don't want to live anymore

This is really hard to even start to say.
I have these thoughts, most everyday.
Thoughts of wishing I wasn't alive, wishing I was dead, when someone dies wishing it had been me, when someone's seriously ill wishing it was me.
I don't know if I'm miserable because of how my life has turned out, or because I'm burnt out or because I'm just a miserable person.
These thoughts aren't new, I've been having them since I was a child and I'm now 40.
I don't know what to do anymore and I have no to talk to.

in our community

When do things get easier?

As we entered the 9-12 month stage, my son started crawling and pulling himself up. He also became more clingy and does not play alone, still doesnt sleep through the night, and this week has been sick (so EVERYTHING amplified). I am tired and overwhelmed. Please lie and tell me things get better. 🥺

Colostrum storing?

Has anyone successfully extracted colostrum before the baby’s born? Apparently it gets produced from 16w pregnant and you can start storing it in the freezer but I’m 34w looking at my nipples and the syringes on amazon wondering how it works?? Like what did you use and did it hurt? 🥲

Dummies🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Has anyone got any tips on how to GET RID of dummies😂🤦🏼‍♀️ my little girl is obsessed and i have no idea where to start!!

Self settling

Any tips or advice of how to teach 6.5month old to self settle? I’m up multiple times in the night to cuddle her back to sleep and put the dummy in. I understand she will wake up and want a cuddle etc but any tips on self settling would be appreciated 🥰

Baby losing weight

Hi all, it's been a long time since I had a baby (my son is 15!). My daughter is 10 days old and was 9lb born, she has since lost weight at every appointment and is at a 12% loss. I am breast feeding every two hours for over an hour and topping her up every feed. I pump and can get 60ml in 10 minutes so I know my supply is okay. Anyone had this before? Can give me some tips? I currently feel like I'm letting my baby down.

Did I overreact?

I have had 3 c sections, recently had a wisdom teeth removal (4) to be exact and all my mom did was visit the day BEFORE and then she only sent 1 text. She has NEVER spent one full day with me and doesn’t acknowledge my achievements much. She just isn’t there when I need her to be. She claims she’s always working but she lives like 7 minutes away! she can come help with the kids so my husband can have break? we don’t ask her for much and she only sees the kids 1-2 a month. She also didn’t visit with my last c section. I told her that she should’ve gotten the abortion when she had the chance with me because why would you have me and neglect me emotionally? To not actually give me a present father in my life. I am very angry all she does is disappoint me. She only wants to show up for certain people in the family and I just want to grab her and shake her and ask her why can’t she be a good present mother?