How did you cope?

First off, how did you cope having to be without your child after a split? The thought of my 7 month old being without me for even one night has me distraught. Secondly, my ex travels 40+ weeks of the year all over the country. He thinks that our daughter will be traveling with him and will have a nanny watch her while he works? This is absolutely not okay, in my book. What does everyone else think?

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It’s taken me a really long time to get used to not having my son and he only goes 9.30-6.30 once a week (he drops him back at 5/6 though 🙄) I kept myself busy cleaning, catching up on jobs like washing etc. I still hate it, it doesn’t feel natural but luckily have avoided overnights as I want to wait til he’s old enough to understand and communicate if he’s happy there and wants to stay over (he’s now 3 and he tells me he doesn’t want to)
I definitely wouldn’t be okay with that, little ones need stability and routine and assume he’ll be in hotels?-at least my son did, it especially helps with the whole separated parents (I’m overly anxious on causing him issues later in life). I would be very cautious on who’s watching her etc. Depending on how amicable you are, you could ring a solicitor for some free advice over the phone as it’s quite a unique situation.

Thank you. How did you manage the other party being okay with no overnight? My ex is very vindictive and will make sure he gets his 50% time even if it’s not best for our daughter. I’m the primary caregiver and haven’t spent a single night without her and he has spent many nights without her due to his job without issue so I know this circumstance is really only going to be affecting me and our daughter for that matter as he is already used to being away from her. I wish my scenario was like yours but I know he will fight me to no end to prove a point and get his fair share of time even when it’s not best for our daughter.

Oh he is/was exactly the same! He took me to court because I dared to go on holiday. I was very lucky in that, 1. My ex is actually super selfish and lazy so didn’t bother till I annoyed him over the holiday. 2. my solicitor tried to give me enough time till he turned 3 and lastly he eventually lost interest and cancelled the court case 🙄
I completely get what you mean! They are so little and need the consistency of their home etc. I definitely would see if you can get some legal advice and I can’t see a court awarding him overnights consistently with him working away and possibly not knowing his arrangements till last minute. Best to know what you’re looking at, unfortunately courts don’t care too much unless they are really at risk (I was worried my ex was a bit useless, forgot to change nappies, forget to feed him, give him water but they didn’t really care as he wasn’t coming back from visits in ‘too’ bad shape)

You can get an hour free consultation with most solicitors and if you do end up in court they can try and push for a live with spend time with order (which also means you can take her on holiday for 28 days without his permission which is great for vindictive exes)

It is HARD. The first few months I cried and didn’t do shit. Just laid in my bed depressed. I’m a little more used to it now- I try to keep busy. Gym, hobbies, going out with friends. If I don’t stay busy, I get sad AF

in our community

Divorced at 5 months PP

My husband just divorced me yesterday.

I'm 5 months post partum and I feel like complete shit. I literally can't stop crying and I don't feel like eating and this whole week my milk supply has gone down due to stress and not eating. What helps with milk supply?

The divorce- on Monday at 5am me and my husband had a small argument on text. It was regarding him not catering to my love language. I sent him a video on how women shouldn't have to ask and how laziness can kill a relationship. We've had many arguments regarding this prior about him not catering to my love language and he doesn't buy me flowers or doesn't think of me. Anyways this night, he text me saying he doesn't do Mother's Day and all that, he doesn't want to buy me flowers because my sisters buy me flowers and he can't be arsed with my moods. He said I've not been his peace and said he's done.
I replied "okay. All I want is for you to appreciate me and love me as your wife and mother of your child. I'm not pushing you away, I'm begging you to love me etc etc. I'm done too."

I come home from my errands that morning and he's upped and left. He took all of his belongings, clothes, drawer, tv- everything.

He didn't ring or text me or anything.

The property is in my name and as he left and didn't leave the key, I changed the locks the next day. I feel this is what pushed him over the edge.

He officially divorced me on Saturday.
I'm 5 months post partum and I have a 5 year old from my ex partner too.

I just want to talk about it with someone that's not biased. Was I asking for too much? I feel he just didn't want to be with me anymore and used this as an excuse? Or is that me overthinking....
Input would be nice xoxo

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

Partner is giving me the silent treatment

So I was struggling with my postpartum anxiety bad yesterday. My partner and I was out for drinks with family. He kept making jokes about treating me a bit shit.
Which no one thought was funny. I am usually quite patient about him using me as his jokes, but yesterday it hurt.

When we got home I told him it made me feel disrespected. Now he is giving me the cold fat shoulder?! What do I do ?

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Forgiving a partner…

Long story short - found out 2 months ago my partner of almost 10 years has slept with two girls, one of which he’s been seeing for 8 months - during this time I was pregnant with our third child and gave birth. (She had an abortion)
I found out, he cut all ties (still works with her)
I want to try and move on from this, we have three children , and a home… I can’t face the idea of being without my children half the time. I want to try and make things work. But I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts / images of the two of them together…. Any advice if you’ve been in a similar situation?
Sick of feeling this rubbish, also 5 month pp so hormones/confidence is in pieces😣😣😣

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?