Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Anxiety about clumsy husband and newborn

I love my husband to pieces, and I know that he's only messing up so much because he's trying so hard to help me, but sometimes I wish I could just clone myself and do everything myself. Yesterday he fell asleep while holding her, and when I woke him up, he jerked awake and she almost fell off the bed. He also defrosted frozen breastmilk instead of waking me up to feed her. I'm only 4 days postpartum and still establishing my supply. (They're worried since she was early and has a poor latch, so I have to pump after every feed.) I woke up with super sore breasts, and she was really upset. He didn't understand why she was so fussy. The skin to skin is super important. It helps regulate both of us. I was super snippy until she was able to feed again. My husband also fed milk that was out for a bit too long. He also tried to feed her a syringe of colostrum that still had the cap on. He's just so scattered and tired. I told him I'd rather he lay her in the bassinet screaming and crying than hold her in bed if he's about to fall asleep, or to only hold her while sitting up in a chair, or to just wake me or ask my mom to watch her (we live with my mom.)

I'm very grateful that he's trying to be so hands-on, and I know it's just a learning curve, but I'm so worried he's going to do something detrimental before he gets the hang of things. I know it's different for dads because they don't have the maternal instinct and stuff, at least not as strongly. Does anyone have any advice on how to be patient while my husband finds his footing?

P.s. every time I do tell him why what he did was wrong and how to do things safely. I don't expect him to know everything.

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Bless him, he's trying his best. Sleep deprivation takes it toll on us in different ways. If he is likely to fall asleep holding her, suggest he props himself in bed with pillows either side of him and play something on his phone or watch TV to keep him awake. Some partners don't give the mums enough rest by not helping out when the mum is sleeping. Good on him to try to let you rest even if he's made a few mistakes. The feeding milk that is too old is a very common mistake and it happens. You're both doing great so far, be easy on yourself. The anxiety never really goes when trusting your baby with someone else. I'm still fully awake when I'm meant to be sleeping after giving partner the early morning shift, and I keep checking up on him about feeds. It must be annoying for him that I keep pestering him. But that's just how mums are wired.
Maybe ask him to sleep when you are with the baby so he can get enough rest when it is his time to look after baby, even if it is 2 hours!

Congratulations on the new baby! Sorry you're dealing with this, I know he wants to help but he really isn't helping. I would go mad about the falling asleep holding her, super dangerous. Sounds like he needs a break, call some other family member in, or send him elsewhere to sleep. When he's rested he needs a crash course in breastfeeding. Even at 6 weeks pp he would risk your supply by not waking for a feed or to at least pump to make up for the feed. In the first ten days it's critical to get baby up to birthweight again.

I can kind of relate as had a c section and physio advised dad's to wake up and get baby and pass to mums for feeding as itwas so painful to get out of bed but my partner didn't wake up at all so had to do all this myself all through the night post op. I preferred to do it myself than risk that baby was not cared for properly.

It will get better once he's rested and educated!

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