How do you trust again?

My experience is to have conversations about what both sides struggle with and why. Both recognize and acknowledge that the other didn't cause those issues, but now that it's in the open, as a team, they can be respected and worked on. Knowing where your partner is coming from helps a lot when in the moment and/or dealing with the aftermath of situations.

Set the foundation right away for communication and having difficult conversations. Especially before emotions or actions get out of hand. Knowing and reminding each other that it's not an attack and is I statements. Remember that neither side is mind readers. Let your partner know what you need to feel secure. And do the same for them.
It won't be perfect and can be messy, but establish that foundation, and it's a game changer.

And you work on yourself beforehand in addition to the above. It’s just not the other person’s 100% responsibility to live around your triggers. And they’re not perfect at 100% living by agreements you make, where how to apply it for every situation may not be super clear. There can be lapses in judgement, and you have to navigate it internally and externally.

One day at a time. Positive thinking patterns and no reminiscing on the past. Healing by acknowledging what happened to you, what you learned and what you’re boundaries are (what your limits are before you leave) and establish your new value system in your current relationship

I find that 2 people joining lives together is almost like trying to join 2 different puzzles together. All the pieces make sense in the 1 puzzle and they all make sense in the other puzzle. However when you start trying to patch them together you both gonna say, this piece of yours is wrong and that piece is wrong. Maybe the fact that he had a guys night out every month is hard for you. No, it was right for his previous situation, but now you guys have to come up with something new to adapt, to fit. And that’s hard. And it’s about making choices. Maybe your old college friend of 20 years is a problem for him because his ex cheated 🤷‍♀️ guys are just as sensitive to this stuff as women are. It’s hard finding your way through both your feelings.

Time and therapy for me. It’s not your fault this has happened to you and whoever you meet, it’s not their fault either. It is terrifying but happiness is out there for everyone so it’s worth giving it a go. Trust is earned over time anyway so you just have to take any new relationship day by day

Thanks y’all, I know it’s not my fault the things that happened in the past and I know it’s not my potential mates fault either. I been in therapy but what I haven’t discussed or worked on yet is how to love again without being afraid.
LTS 22 I met this guy who lovebombed the shit out of me: wanted to marry me, promised to never treat me like the guys in my past (and this is what makes it so hard now for me), we did end up getting married in 2023. I found out I was pregnant two days before our wedding. We still got married and he left me a month later. He didn’t want anymore kids. Fast forward to January this year I have not been looking or interested in anyone since May of last year. Just been working on myself. I meet this guy and we’ve hit it off. He knows about what I’ve been through, my marriages, my 5 kids and one being a newborn and he doesn’t want to run for the hills. And he’s very patient with me and my overthinking and anxiety. I’m taking it day by day slowly for sure