Fancy my coworker

I’d say you’re already cheating🤷🏽‍♀️I don’t work anymore but when I did even before I was pregnant I kept a distance with male coworkers simply because it would be disrespectful to my boyfriend and he does the same. You can go on about “we’re just friends nothing wrong with it” bud like you said you’re developing feelings so…. Just seems like you’re playing with fire

You’re already pretty much emotionally cheating and honestly I would say spending time with them so much and everything honestly you mine as well end your relationship. Think if your boyfriend was going on walks with a woman and thinking about her during their free time. That’s super fucked up. The fact that you could do that to your partner in the first place probably means you’re not good for them.

I agree with Monica. My partner and I were going through a hard time after my second child was born. He got closer to a coworker. The pain you are putting your partner through when he finds out is life changing, whether you work through it or not.

There’s no judgement or animosity here - but it’s time to make a decision and not be selfish, you can’t have your cake and eat it. Whether you close things off with this coworker and stay with your boyfriend or choose to try with your coworker, it’s better to make the decision sooner rather than later, as the hurt will be much more the longer this goes on.

If your boyfriend is “the problem” then I’d say it’s probs best if you’re honest with him. 🤷🏻‍♀️ try and see things from his pov, and if it was him sneaking off with a colleague then how would you feel?
No one can help their feelings, it’s just one of those things. But just be kind 💛

You’re playing with fire, lady. Shut it down before you throw a grenade into your life.

do you not see that she’s already crossing so many boundaries?!? Having some kind of attraction is very different then actively talking to,hanging out, and thinking about. There’s no room for that in a healthy relationship.

I completely see your point of view and agree that OP shouldn’t beat herself up - where I would see this as crossing the line is if she is hiding things from her partner or telling partial truths, or outright lying. This could certainly stem from my own experiences.

Actively choosing your boyfriend is so important. Personally I feel if I were starting to form an attraction to someone else, I would be stepping outside of my relationship even if I didn’t *do* anything about this attraction. In my opinion if I didn’t do anything to shut it down for me I would be disrespecting my partner.

Before you make a decision (but I do think you should make one soon), just remember that you could be enjoying the novelty and excitement of this new connection, but it might fizzle out and what would you have given up for it? The grass is always greener. If you love your boyfriend and are good together, think before throwing that away. But, if your relationship with him naturally feels like it’s coming to an end, you need to break up with him before continuing into what might become an affair.

I think you're enjoying the excitement of the new connection and should absolutely take a step back. This is not fair on your partner

Again I see what you’re saying. But OP has said herself she’s developing feelings. Not just an attraction or a strong friendship.

Idk about anyone else but for me to have feelings for someone or my partner to have feelings for someone else, it’s crossing a line.

I think once you realise you have feelings for someone, that is when you should stop being so close to them. I am in no way saying you shouldn’t have friends from the opposite sex because of course you can. It’s just where OP says she has feelings.

nobody is saying there’s a problem with being friends with men😂 the problem is as she stated she’s developing feelings. Very different then anything you’re talking about. There’s a CLEAR difference between being friends with a man and thinking about him and developing feelings. It sounds like in your experience you have healthy relationships with men as all women should be able to have male friends but it’s very clear she doesn’t see this person as a friend. Developing feelings and continuing to let it go on especially when she obviously can feel it is wrong is wrong in every way. It’s very unfair to her partner aswell. She should At least be honest with her partner and let him know this is going on and let HIM make the choice because he’s not the one in the wrong and knowing this could change how he feels about her possibly. I know if my boyfriend/husband told me something like this it’d make me see him in a different way.

what I have done is completely crossing a line. I do need to distance myself from my coworker and I’ve decided to start working from home.

That being said, this is completely out of character for me. I’ve always had close male co workers but never like this. Me and my partners relationship has naturally been coming to an end. This has made it clear to me that I need to be the one to end things.

honestly you’re 100% right and I needed someone to say it without sugar coating it

Incognito, it’s not easy to admit that your actions could be wrong and it’s even harder to actively do something to change it, so credit to you for even writing this post in the first place. I’m sure you were expecting a lot of judgment or harsh comments but I’m only trying to give advice that I hope is helpful.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be happy, as does your partner. Finding that happiness doesn’t necessarily come easy but sometimes hard decisions need to be made when you are ready.

Regarding what you said about this being out of character, I know it’s said all the time and it can sound very cliche, but you’ve still not long ago had a baby and could be very emotionally vulnerable from this without even knowing it. I hope you make the decision that is best for you

I just want you to know also i was never trying to be mean or rude but I was trying to put it pretty bluntly in a way where you could see both sides. Power to you in this situation girly!! I hope everything works out okay!!

no matter how you meant it, I needed it. And I thank you for that.

I emotionally distanced myself from the relationship a long while ago. Having a baby definitely played a major role in that however, I don’t really think it’s possible for us to return to our relationship as it was

It really depends if you both want to work on the relationship, sometimes it doesn’t need to go back to how it was, but if you want, a new relationship which can be even better than before.

My partner and I have done so much work on both ourselves and our relationship since we grew apart during my pregnancy and having my second baby, but our relationship now is far better than it ever was before. The key thing is to work out what you want whether it is him or if you want to be by yourself, or neither of those things is also fine.

I’m here if you ever want to send me a message or anything like that

I don’t think you are emotionally cheating because you aren’t emotionally involved with him. You just have a crush. You can’t really control crushes but you need to create boundaries with yourself and spend some time figuring out with you are having these feelings.

Feel sad for your boyfriend. Please let him go so he can find someone actually decent. Your practically cheating and entertaining this.

Honestly? You already know what to do. It’s a matter of wanting to do what’s right. You’ve already crossed the threshold of emotional cheating. It’s up to you at this point what you want to do.

emotional cheating is when you have romantic emotional intimacy or inclination with someone else that is not your primary partner and you’re in a chosen monogamous relationship.

I read your comment and I’ve had crushes but not while in relationships so this is why I cannot understand your pov and perhaps you won’t see mine. For me, if I have multiple crushes I’m not ready to commit. I know people are different, I’ve had one crush in a relationship and I left an ex because I knew if I was feeling this way, I wouldn’t be loyal anymore.

The reason I say it’s emotional cheating already is because word for word this anon person said: it’s becoming a problem and development of feelings.

I know people say you can’t help these things and I agree but you can help making a choice and commitment. You say you’re going to commit and be loyal. So do it. If their relationship is open or poly then there’s nothing wrong.

yes it is because you/this anon made a commitment. Just because I understand the emotions behind the reasoning doesn’t mean it isn’t what it is.