Need advice

Did he say why he’s no longer sexually attracted to you? Is the reason you want to stay is because of the kids? If you left would he still provide for the kids like he is now?

okay thanks.

He just said he’s just not really attracted to me in that way anymore. I kind of totally get it. When we met I was 17, perfect figure, glowing skin, all the time in the world to make myself look pretty with outfits and makeup. Now I’ve birthed 4 kids, my body just looks tired, I’m always tired. I guess I blame myself. But I don’t get any time to spend on myself

didn’t really give a reason no. But I’m guessing it’s my post baby body that has made him feel this way toward me. I wouldn’t say it’s because of the kids I want it stay, I guess I just want to stay with him cause I do love him and find him attractive. Yeah I’m sure he would

Arhgg men are so predictable and boring...I mean after 4 kids and now he's doesn't find you attractive anymore...poor guy..that's must be so tough...absolute idiot and not worth staying for...you are better off on you own...not a men I would like to spend my life with...

Oh ok it’s insane for him to think you would look the same after having 4 of his kids!! Sometimes you have to love yourself more than your partner.

That’s a really messed up thing to have birth 4 kids and he’s not attracted to you. His body didn’t have to go through the changes yours did. A job and 4 kids… it’s a lot to take on. If he loved you he would make more of an effort to help you get to where you want to be in order for the spark to come back. In marriage there are phases and he shouldn’t so easily give up on you.

Investigate the reasoning. Most men say that when someone else could be a person of interest and attraction for him. He could be also going through some mid life crisis. You have 4 kids… breaking up has to be a transition not sudden. It’s not healthy for kids for it to be sudden. Maybe marriage counseling before fully giving up.

I know right! It was only a year ago that I had my twins. Just a real shock to the system when he said it to me last night :((

Oh my god that is awful, men can be so cruel. Did you ask him if it was because of those superficial reasons?? You've given him all of your years, body, mind and babies!!! Do NOT Blame yourself for being tired ofcourse you are, 4 children!!! What the heck is he attracted too have you asked him what he needs?

He should have a reason. My mom birthed 4 kids and my dad has always looked at her like she's the most beautiful woman in the world even with her mom tummy and everything else pregnancy did to her body. Some men are just awful.

So you had FOUR kids in six years and he’s not attracted to the body that created his fucking children. Omfg men I cannot stand the entitlement they are not the ones who suffer thru pregnancy and body changes but when their wife’s body changes they aren’t good enough anymore. Eff that absolutely DO NOT OPEN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Absolutely do not blame yourself either if he wants you to have time to work on you and your body HE NEEDS TO TEND TO KIDS SO YOU CAN.

He needs to do some self work & figure out what his problem is… Cause it’s him that’s the issue here.. Not you. Your body has change & you have less time to get glam but that shouldn’t change how he feels / views you etc.
I’m lucky if i can run a brush through my hair most days & im constantly living in baggy jumpers & leggings, i’ve a c section scar, different size boobs & my body is anything but toned & my hubby is an absolute jerk at the best of times but he’s able to see past it all. He understands having babies has changed me physically. If your partner values you and the relationship he has with you then he needs to up his game & work to keep you from here on out! Don’t give him a free pass to exploit you & get adventurous with other women.. Tell him to support you while you take the time needed to glam up every now & then ( if that’s what you’d want? ) Talk about what’s changed for him cause if it’s something minor maybe you can work through it.

I hate to sound rude but is there anyway you can look into quick routine GRWM videos that are simple makeup and hairstyles? Men are cavemen and visual creatures. And women are emotional thoughtful beings.. even a few minutes of putting into you will build yourself up. When you feel confident you will also carry yourself differently 🩷. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a jerk! And I would not recommend open marriage. He can keep it in his pants. He’s probably tired of the day in and out and wants some excitement and to feel young again 😒. I’m sure you’d also love to have a spa day or a vacation. Maybe for Mother’s Day you could get your hair/makeup/nails done to feel special and remind him what he’s got 🫶🏻

If I had to guess, it might be because both of your lives revolve around four kids and you don’t get time to connect as a couple. And you’re both tired. And he has a shitty way of expressing his exhaustion and general feeling of blah. Do you guys have any family around who can watch the kids and let you have a regular date night? And can he take the kids for a couple of hours here and there to give you time for self care?

How awful of your husband to tell you that he's not sexually attracted to you. As your husband, he should make you feel safe and beautiful. Of course, passion often dies after several years of living together and kids etc. But marriage is not (fundamentally) about passion and passion alone can never be the foundation of a healthy marriage. I can only suggest counselling & if you are not already doing this, having more time alone for date nights. I'd strongly caution against an open marriage: 1. Marriage by its very nature is exclusive, and we experience security in its exclusiveness - an open marriage is not a marriage at all, 2. What could be worse than allowing a man who has wronged you by telling you he's not sexually attracted to go ahead and further wrong and undermine you by breaking his vows and actually sleeping with other people. I think you are worth so much more than that. So sorry to hear you are going through this; it's hard enough raising a young family.

I don't know if I'm going down the wrong path here but... after 12 years and two babies, i love my partner and all, but i no longer want to leap on him the second he gets home every day. That desire (not least as it nothing more deep than hormonal effects on the brain) has been replaced with deep affection, respect and connections through a shared life, and my desire is based on that. The honeymoon period is well over. Now i wouldn't say it how your guy did, but i imagine it's very much the same for my partner too 🤷🏼‍♀️ Has he actually said it means you're done? Or was it a super clumsy comment out of context?

Thanks everyone who has replied, sorry in the delay of getting back to you all.

I just wanted to update you all to say that he has ended things with me… so now I’m in a huge mess because it means I will need to quit my job and find a house (as we live in a rented house together) I’m absolutely devastated

At Ingocniti what an arshole..you are worth more...if it makes you feel better men do that and think grass is greenest and often end up worse off..you will be fine..you ve got your kids ti keep you going..thinks that's ghis is new beginning and he will miss out..your kids will know you were there for them..
Why do you need to quit your job? Is it because of your kids? Why are you looking for a house? He can move out and make sure he pays child maintenance.hugs

thank you. I really do hope that he realises he has made a mistake. I just really don’t know what to do with myself anyone. I have to quit my job because I work the hours 3am till 8am which means I would no longer have the childcare to go to work at those times. We are in a rented house which is nearing £2000 with rent and bills I wouldn’t be able to afford this place and would end up in arrears. I’m in complete shock and don’t even know where to start with getting help

You might need to phone council and ask them for help...you cab say that due ti relationship breakdown you need to find somewhere to live..it might be tough at first,but you will get there good luck

How are things going