This may be the stupidest question

I would look into how you would file for child support in your area. It can be different in each individual State and country, but if you are not living together, I believe he is required some level of help if you are legally separated. If you do choose to go through divorce, depending on how long you are married, you might also be entitled to alimony because you have been home taking care of the children. There are other social programs that can help you out, but you might not be eligible for them while you are married and they are basing your finances off of his income. I don't know if you are beyond this point, potentially doing couples therapy can help you. Even if you don't stay together, it might help you navigate this process more smoothly. I'm sorry that they treat you like this, he's obviously not setting a very good example for his son for future relationships unfortunately.

Where do you live? Different countries have different charities that can support with advice.

Sue the father for child support. Look up YouTube videos on how to create a good resume. I'm not going to lie though, If you are in your 30s (I assume you are since you're in this group) you are going to have an extremely difficult time finding any job, especially a work from home job. You are more likely to get a job in the fast food or restaurant industry. Just make sure that anytime you do a interview that you give no word or indication that you have kids, especially a newborn, because most places will instantly reject you. It is illegal to reject someone for that reason, but they usually come up with a bullsh** excuse so they can get away with it.

I should add I don't want to file for child support bc he will then threaten filing for 50/50 custody. I am not prepared to have to give my kids up by law to him half the time. They have never been away from me and vice versa so I am trying to keep it civil. If that means I have to work to keep them then I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Are there any reliable websites to search for jobs?

You need to tell us where you live. Unfirtunately if you have no experience you will be limited to what job you can find, especially with three young children. I know in the UK some organizations can support with things like job hunting etc as well, based more on personal circumstances. There are plenty of reliable websites but I feel you need more support than going online and searching yourself.

I could be wrong because I'm not experienced with this, but I think even if you don't sue for child support, he could still sue you for joint custody or visitation rights. How it will go probably depends on the state you live in. It's your call, but if you think there is any chance he may do that, you seriously may want to consult with a lawyer ASAP. Some do offer free consultations. Anyway, Snagajob, Indeed, and governmentjobs.com are places to look for jobs. Do you live in the US? Or UK? I live in the US. And again, like I mentioned, with no job experience and being in your 30s, the odds of you getting a work from home job that doesn't require any prior experience is extremely low. And you need to create a good resume because without one, less places will take you seriously.

I'm in California

@Breaha correct he can, but he won't as long as I'm not coming after him for money. I'm in California so US as well. Thank you I will check out those sites!

Check out GlassDoor, Indeed, your local government site (those have great jobs and benefits but take a while to get into) for starters. You could also sign up to work for Care.com so you could watch other children in your home. You can say on your resume you have been a personal caretaker, are self employed, or that you have a non disclosure agreement about your former employer to sometimes work around the minimal experience.

That's good that he won't. Again don't quote me on this cause I could be wrong but I have seen some mothers say that they were still able to get child support even without the father getting joint custody so it really doesn't hurt to look into it.

Have you spoken to a family lawyer? Consults are free and you should be able to get monetary support if you were a sahm. It's still a good idea to get a job and build your resume but it's not necessarily up to him whether he supports you financially.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
If you are interested in working from home send me a message. I could have something that is of interest to you.

Also, be careful. A lot of supposed work from home offers are actually scams. At no point during the application or interview process should you ever be asked to give money. If you are, that is a huge red flag and you need to immediately block.

totally agree! Any job that makes you put money up front or having to buy things is not a good sign at all 99% of the time.

@Breaha so I noticed a lot of sites make you pay a monthly fee to get job postings. Are those not reputable?

As a person that worked from home I’ll share my experience with you. I had a non phone job with a laid back job and chill manager and it’s still very hard to work from home with a newborn . I can’t imagine working from home with 3 kids under 3. Since you have no job experience if you’re able to find a job that’s work from home it would most likely be a phone job. I would try to proceed with a divorce so you can apply for some sort of help through the state and start looking for some childcare. I wish you well and I’m glad you’re leaving your marriage.

Which websites are you talking about? I don't know about Snagajob because I haven't used that website in many years, but I know for a fact that Indeed, LinkedIn, and governmentjobs.com do not require any fees.

One of the best ways to ensure that you do not encounter any potential scams is to go directly to the website for whatever place you want to apply for. For example, a person can use the Indeed website to look for jobs, but then, rather than applying through Indeed, the person can go directly to the website of the place that is hiring and apply there. Plus, it's a good way to figure out if the job posting is legitimate or not.

Apply for child support. Also, your local social services office can help with food stamps and in my area they offer more help, but he would need to be on child support for them to help you.

@Ana She said she doesn't want to because she does not want the father to file for joint custody.

Ah. Honestly, he technically has custody until there’s a court order in place. So he can literally take them and the police can’t intervene if there’s no court order in place. I wouldn’t trust it, I’d file for custody. Is he able to or trying to see his kids?

@Ana Based on what she stated earlier, he told her as long as she does not file for child support, he does not care about seeing his kids.

She needs to get that in writing and file for full custody. If he doesn’t want to see his kids, and doesn’t look for him she needs that on paper, he could turn around and try to take them even if she doesn’t put him on CS.

Get a hospital job. Housekeeping or environmental (Cleaning) or dietary (food) they have all shifts , good insurance and it’s mostly women

@Ana Yup. I see women on this app and facebook groups make posts about situations like this happening all the time. The wife leaves with her kid, the husband says, "Don't you dare put me on child support or I will sue you for joint custody." The mom complies with dad. Then months or years later, the dad changes his mind and decides to either take the kids or file for joint custody anyway. Like you said if there is no court order, then the police can't do anything about it. It's really sad when I see these situations happen. Especially because a lot of times the dad doesn't even really care about his kids. The dad just cares about doing whatever he can to mess with the mom. Or sometimes it's because the dad gets a new girlfriend, and the new girlfriend wants to play "mommy" to his kids.

Yes, my child’s father left to a dif state, did not come around for almost a year and came back trying to call the shots. I went straight to court and filed for both custody AND CS, my child is 14 and he doesn’t see him or pay his CS 🤷🏻‍♀️ owes like 20k, but my child is safe and loved. His dad can’t take him anywhere without my consent. It helped that he hadn’t been around but also that he didn’t show up to court ..

Google jobs.

FindMyShift is super easy to get hired. I don’t believe there’s an interview and you pick the shifts you want to work. https://www.findmyshift.com/free-online-shift-scheduling

cool thank you!

good info thank you!!

@Breaha exactly. I'm keeping dated notes of everything that happens and I email them to my dad so they are all dated properly so no one can say I went and made up these situations and things he did, said, didn't show up for etc just overnight

That was the wrong link! It’s ShiftSmart https://shiftsmart.com

It's good that you did that. Just remember, like said, if at any point he changes his mind, he can legally take your kids if he wants to if there's no court order in place, even if you have it documented that he said he wants nothing to do with his kids. If you don't want to take that risk, you need to get a court order.