Husband doesn't understand... (vent/rant)

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/27/health/pregnancy-energetic-cost-wellness-scn/index.html#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20over%20the%20course,16%20in%20the%20journal%20Science.

He should read this article. This is really telling about what women’s bodies go through when creating a baby. The last part in particular about sleep and exhaustion are enlightening for your situation.

Honestly, I don’t know how you are doing so much as it is! I’m 35 weeks now m, and I feel like I can barely get anything done. I’m a single mom, so I have SO much to do around the house in preparation and just my normal tasks and work. After work and my normal tasks, I have no more energy for preparing. I end up taking accidental naps all the time.

thank you for this, ill have a glance before sending it to him.. and sometimes it feels like I'm a single mom with how much he pitches in... again, all he helps with is finances...

If a friend was in your similar situation, what would you advise them? What will happen after having the baby?

I'd tell them to just focus on them and take it one day at a time and that if they needed someone I'd be there for them.

It's hard cuz I don't believe in divorce, I've always believed in working through things, it's just like he doesn't listen to me sometimes... but I know he's ultimately excited for this baby, so I'm hoping he pitches in more once she's here..

Sorry you are struggling. I complain all the time and do so much less than you physically (I have a desk job and often work from home, husband does most cooking and cleaning these days too). When my partner does make the same comment though that I asked for it, I just tell him I’ll let the baby know he didn’t want him and he stops, lol. Try to encourage your husband to read more about how hard pregnancy actually is. I’m very surprised that you had to put together the baby furniture by yourself too, he should be involved in preparing for baby. Money and financial help are important but not everything and once the kid is here she’s going to need a present father, not just a check.

And to add, I’m talking from experience: I had a very loving mother and somewhat detached father growing up. Now he complains that both me and my siblings are closer to our mother than him and that he was working so much to provide for us. i know that’s true but as a child you can’t help it, you’ll be attached to the person that actually spends time with you.

I did it cuz he works a lot and I wanted it done early cuz she could technically come at any time. He's excited and I see it in his eyes... he talks to her and lotions the belly every night.. he just doesn't get the stress out pa on me and my body. I get he's stressed and tired too, but he doesn't take in the added baby stuff for me on top of the normal stress and exhaustion and that's what difficult... as I said to Lauren, I'm hoping he pitches in more once she's here

i didn't see your 2nd msg at first, but to respond that that, I completely get that, my parents got divorced and then my dad was distant then practically disowned everyone. I always left the door open but he always disappointed me... I dont want that for my child and that's why I don't believe in divorce and want to try and make it work. Cuz I know what that did to me and to my siblings.. and I want better for my kids.

Yes he pisses me off sometimes and everything else I ranted about, but I also fell in love with him for a reason, and I think that good is ultimately better than the bad

Maybe try just telling him that you understand he is working hard as well, but that what you really need from him is to show a bit of sympathy for you. Tell him that you would love it if he said “I’m sorry babe” and gave you a big hug, a foot massage, or asked how else he can can help in the moment when you say how tired you feel. Tell him that that would make you feel really loved. He might respond better to that kind of non-angry approach.

But, between you and me, yeah that’s some total BS! You’re not doing anything, and the baby is growing itself?!?!? Yeah, dude needs to do some more research about what actually your body is doing during pregnancy. Have him read this article for starters.

And yeah, sounds like you have every reason to feel exhausted. I am completely destroyed just by chasing my toddler around all day even though I also get to take multiple hour naps with him in the middle of the day!

https://www.scarymommy.com/pregnancy-marathon-endurance-athlete

You need a new husband

I try to explain, he's just not good at the whole emotional thing or support which is hard with my heightened hormones haha, I always joke that he has two emotions, apathetic or pissed and that I have enough emotions for the both of us...

I'm grateful that I can get accommodations at work so i can take a couple extra breaks and I go lay down during them to rest a bit..

Thank you for the advice and article (which I've already read and sent to him)

Yeah, the emotional support business isn’t exactly my husband’s natural wheelhouse either. That’s why I’ve found that telling him the specific things he could do to make me feel supported sometimes helps him know what to do. And I read in some relationship self-help book that saying “I would love it if you __” is a good non-negative way to get your partner to do something because then they feel that you aren’t nagging or demanding, but that if they do it, it’s like of their own free-will and a way to show you they care.