How do you avoid being resentful?

My husband was just gone for a deployment from aug-Jan and will be leaving again in July for about 6 months again, we have 2 daughters(3,4) and my youngest is autistic. He is currently underway and he just called and told me about some reception he had to go to and he was “drinking and hanging out”..don’t get me wrong he deserves to go out and have fun after how hard he works I 100% recognize that, but at the same time after the hard day I’ve had I’m almost jealous? I guess…as he tells me stories of stuff like that he’s done or is doing I am always so excited for him when he 1st starts telling me and then as he goes on I just feel myself wishing I could do that too..we don’t live very close to any family so while he’s gone I never get a break. My youngest is nonverbal and has some behavioral issues as well, school is about to get out and i find myself really worried about feeling more and more resentful while he’s gone in this deployment. Please be kind, I just want to know if this is normal and how I can try and not have that mindset, thank you!!

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I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. I’m very new to this lifestyle, but I know my husband most likely leaving next year for deployment for the first time, so I don’t have any experience for this but, doesn’t the army have like extra help for parents with autistic children? Can’t someone come and help you like (hopefully everyday) throughout the day?
Also, I feel like your feelings are very valid, maybe bring it up to him without being hostile about it? (Not saying you are)

This is totally normal. My husband has just finished his second 2 year sea draft in a row, he has spent more time at sea than he has at home in the last 4 years. When he would facetime from some poolside bar while I'm chasing after the kids and juggling work and everything with hardly any time for myself, there were definitely feelings of resentment now and then! I don't really have an answer for you, but I 100% get it, we made sure to keep communicating as much as possible and plan things to look forward to for when he got back. I try to remember that they miss out on a lot when they're away and keeping busy helps distract them from missing home, but equally they couldnt go away and take advantage of all the fun opportunities without having a strong partner at home to take care of everything else! It is tough, feel free to message if you need to talk!

This very thought has been on my mind the last few months. My husband is on a 10-month deployment to a very lucrative European country. His evenings are spent trying new restaurants with other soldiers (new friends), and his weekends are spent exploring the continent. I fully trust him, but I can't help but be jealous that he is gaining all these amazing experiences with other women (2 male, 2 women). Call me crazy, I know.

Life is SO hard at home, and I have zero support or a social life outside of my aging parents. I don't want him to feel like he needs to hold back telling me about his experiences, but damn it's so hard to hear when I'm stuck at home caring for the house and kids.

I have no advice, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

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Resentment and placing blame on partner

Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them

I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.

I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.

However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.

We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.

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Which no one thought was funny. I am usually quite patient about him using me as his jokes, but yesterday it hurt.

When we got home I told him it made me feel disrespected. Now he is giving me the cold fat shoulder?! What do I do ?

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Hello,
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