Is it OK to let my newborn self soothe?

Infant toddler nanny here. It’s totally ok to take a break for yourself! If he is safe- shower, pee, eat. He will be okay I promise. There’s a difference between just sitting there watching tv while he cries and attending to your personal needs or doing some chores like laundry or dishes. A ton of people will tell you to baby wear while doing chores but sometimes the baby dislikes that even more. I would talk to your husband though and make sure he isn’t just leaving baby to self soothe when he is around to soothe him. They don’t know how to self soothe at that age but a little crying will be ok as long as it’s short time periods.

IMO if he’s crying for like a minute or less on occasion while you run to the bathroom, that’s ok, it happens. If he’s just regularly left alone to cry while you do the dishes or something, then no, that’s definitely not ok. Babies cry only when they need something. If they’re crying, then by definition their needs are not being met. Ask your pediatrician, and they will tell you the same thing. Self-soothing at this age is not a thing. It could be that your baby’s need is just your physical touch which they are biologically set up to want/need for their survival. Keeping them from that touch when they need it is stressful and bad for them. It sounds like you need a good baby wrap/carrier to keep baby with you when you do things around the house. Or you could try a mechanical baby swing. I use both of those things when I need to get things done.

I only let my baby cry if I'm making a bottle, need to pee, quicky prep some food for me or need to grab something, if she is asleep and starts crying a little bc sometimes she will go back to sleep on her own but just let them cry for awhile and let her self soothe bc "they have to learn to do it" no, that's not ok. New borns are not old enough to understand what's going on around them and need you, you are their only support. Also, you can tell when your baby can wait a min crying and when your baby needs you..

Agree with Manuela, I let him cry pretty much only when he wakes up to feed and I need to pee or grab some water or a snack or something before I sit down to feed him.
I let him go for like a minute or two if he starts fussing when I've laid him down for sleep. Sometimes he resettles and I can just go to sleep, if it goes longer than that I know he needs me.

I've heard a lot of people say, your baby doesn't understand they are a separate person from you, and that's helpful to me. He doesn't know that I'm not just here for him 24/7 and he can't help himself. He relies on me for his physical and emotional needs.

I also side with they can't self soothe at this age and while you can get something done quickly, it's better to babywear for longer periods to get chores done. If you know the reason for them crying, it's more ok than just ignoring them. Like it's ok to let them cry a little bit if you are working on tummy time, but at 2 weeks you should be starting to learn when they are truly upset.

@Katherine At some moments it feels like he simply will not stop crying unless he has a nipple in his mouth :( I don't understand, especially since it feels like I'm constantly feeding him, it can't be real hunger I think

A 2 week old baby is incapable of self-soothing. It’s crying because it’s communicating with you and needs you. Your baby is also developing their brain and growing new neural connections every single time you positively respond to them and interact with them - and ignoring their needs will only harm them and their development. I would advise baby-wearing where possible, and only leaving baby to cry when absolutely necessary such as bathroom breaks etc. A baby rocker can also be a helpful thing to try.

I’m not going to repeat what everyone else has already said since I’m sure you understand the gist of it. I am just curious if your husband is saying this for times he’s not around to help or if he could maybe be doing more to support you? Like are the things you need to “get done” household chores that he could be taking over while you take care of the baby or are they your basic needs like eating, bathroom, shower, etc. and he’s not around to help with the baby while you do that?

They could be at breast for food or for comfort. (This is why pacifiers are a thing, but I would personally let them comfort at breast over a pacifier.)
He could be cluster feeding, or could just be hungry-not eating well. Have you reached out to a lactation consultant? Try taking a video of him crying (when he wants to be at breast) and then a video of him breastfeeding. Rule out feeding issues first.

I'm curious if your husband is more of an old school parent where kids were raised more seen and not heard, and crying it out was more common. Or maybe he is trying to tell you to not feel bad to put babe down while you get something down. (FYI...you will feel bad your baby is crying no matter how many times he tells you it's ok.)

Also... This was just shared in another group of mine... https://la-romi.com/blogs/la-romi-blog/breastfeeding-crisis-guide?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1uVL7Lro8VdoPw9fTKPyonRSAiPXFaV3iGTdS0BZmC5iuqd_OqYMx2fos_aem_p1QVTUN0z4wRnN9vWFOGuA

You are in that first window of crazy breastfeeding times.

@Katherine I took him to a lactation appointment but he was on perfect behavior for them lol. Not a single cry as soon as my boob came out.

My mom who raised and exclusively breastfed 7 babies (no pumping, breast only) gave me some tips and it's seeming to work well!!

My husband wasn't exactly advocating for cry it out. He actually raised a baby alone who is now a teen. I think he was more remembering the overwhelm/frustration of the constant crying and encouraging me to set him down for 5 min or less to maintain my sanity and maybe pee

I’ve found that typically newborns cry because they are:
1. Hungry
2. Need to burp/fart
3. Have to pee/poop
4. Are too cold
5. Are too hot
6. Want to be near someone (usually too cold, tho)

If you set baby down and they start crying while you’re in the restroom, it’s okay to let them cry for that length of time. But to let them cry unceasingly is unkind imo

The research shows that babies don’t start self soothing in a way that is healthy for them until around 4 months. Before that it’s recommended to meet their needs as quickly as possible when able. Obviously we can’t always meet their needs but the goal the first 4 months is teaching them you a there for them. Then they can learn when 4 months they even if it takes longer mommy or daddy will be there before them and they can self sooth in the mean time