Triggering post- not sure this is the right place to ask but I just don't know what to do

Hi everyone,
I don't know how to say this or if I should even write a post about it and I'm extremely sorry if this is triggering to anyone reading but I didn't know if there were perhaps people here that have been through a similar situation that had some advice.
A few days ago, my husband (and my children's father) passed away. I'm not ready to talk about the circumstances around his death but it was sudden and unexpected and very traumatic for everyone who knew and loved him.
I have two children, my youngest is 10 months old so really has no idea what is going on but my oldest is almost 3. She, at the moment seems to be happy spending time with her grandparents and aunty and uncle (we are staying at my parents house at the moment as I can't bare to go home) and doesn't seem to have any indication that anything is wrong. I don't know how to tell her what has happened. How did I have this conversation with a 3 year old? I don't want to traumatize her or leave her feeling worried but I also feel awful that this horrible thing has happened that will affect her for the rest of her life and she has no idea. I don't know what words to use, whether to make it a proper sit down conversation or just to try and casually mention things a little bit at a time. I am obviously devastated and a complete mess with emotion at the moment and can't process what has happened myself so I don't know how to even begin to explain it to her. I know there isn't likely to be many people in my situation exactly but if you have encountered death since having children, how do you explain it to them? Or is it better to say nothing at all? I just don't know what to do or how to feel. It doesn't feel real. I'm worried about her bringing up her daddy in conversation and me just breaking down crying in front of her. I don't want her to feel like she can't talk about him but I feel constantly anxious that she's going to bring him up and I'm either going to have to lie or think of a way to tell her the truth.

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I’m so so sorry you’re going through this! Unfortunately I have no advice for you but sending lots of love, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain!

First of all I am so so sorry for your loss.

My dad died in front of me unexpectedly when I was 11 and my brother was 8 so while nowhere near as young as your children I have some experience of growing up without my dad.

I would say be honest, don’t lie but also don’t sugar coat it with phrases like ‘daddy’s gone away for a while’ etc as these can be confusing for a young child.

There are lots of books and resources designed for this sort of thing that explain what’s happened in a sensitive and child appropriate way.

In terms of talking about daddy etc I’d say it’s absolutely okay to cry if you feel you need to cry. Seeing my mum cry whilst really hard helped me to feel that it was okay to cry too when I was sad and that it was okay if talking about him made me sad but I could talk about him if I wanted too and it’ll be really important for keeping his memory alive for them.

So so sorry you’re having to go through this x

I am so sorry for your loss. There are lots of resources and charities which can help you to talk to your little ones about what has happened. The charities may also be able to support you in thinking about what you want to tell your children now and in the future. You have so much to think about and process right now but a photo book or teddy is also a way for your children to remember their Dad.

Hi Katrina, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have worked with grieving children in the past (though they were between 7 and 12) but the most important thing is clarity. As your little ones are so little you don't need to say much.

Winstons Wish points out just clearly saying things like "daddy has died". Here is a link for you -https://winstonswish.org/telling-a-child-someone-has-died/

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers and thoughts are with you and yours x

I'm really sorry that you are going through this, I'm not really sure what to say. Sending you & your family lots of love through this difficult time❤️x

I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this ,my thoughts are with you and your family ♥️xx

I’m so sorry for your loss! Thoughts are with you and your family. Remember grief has no timeline, no rules. It’s your journey. You will do what you think is right for your babies. There are lots of books out there, at school we have Lego therapy, play therapy which we have done with nursery children who have experienced trauma. Might be worth later on if needed. Also contact a local group who can put you in touch with other families xx

My thoughts are with you and your children.
Take all of the support offered.
Grieve unapologetically.
Prioritise yourself in every aspect.
Be gentle with yourself ❤️

I’m so so sorry for your loss, I don’t have any advice unfortunately but I just wanted to send you my prayers, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling, my heart honestly breaks for you 😔 my thoughts are with you and your family ❤️

I am so sorry for your loss 🥺❤️😥

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to you and your family.

I cant give any advice. When my grandmother died my oldest lg was 3 yrs. We told her the truth that GG had gone with the angels now. When she asked if we would see her again, I said one day but we can always remember them.
She understand straight away and even now nearly at the age of 5, she always says hope GG is having fun with the angels. When there that young it can be hard for them to understand.

Thankyou all for your advice. I read through each and every comment and thankyou all for your condolences. I have had the conversation with my daughter and it went quite well, I think it was harder for me than it was for her and I don't think she really understands what is going on but at least she knows now and we can talk about it more as she has questions or when she is ready. This is such a horrible tough time but I feel a little better knowing that I have had the conversation with her now ❤️ xx

Hi Katrina, I’m so sincerely sorry for your loss. I have no advice, I’m sorry but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. I can’t imagine how difficult this moment is for you. God I can’t think of anything else to say- if you need support from an outsider don’t hesitate to contact me

I’m so so sorry for your loss and the pain you’re going through.
It sounds like you have a good support network around you. A friend of mine works for a charity that helps grieving children - might be some useful resources on there for you.

https://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

Sending love and strength to you xx

Sending you all lots of love and strength ❤️❤️❤️

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They were playing 🤯

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