Would you give your child a guys last name?

I wouldn’t allow him anywhere near you during this pregnancy if I were you . It seems like he’s purposely trying to stress you into miscarriage because you won’t get an abortion . Don’t let him in your house , don’t answer his calls , don’t give your child his last name. I usually don’t tell women to do it like that as I think a father has just as much rights to a child as a woman but I will never tell someone to actively put their child in harms way or in danger and that man seems very dangerous and harmful for a child to be around . He’s selfish self centered and he’s purposely malicious. If you aren’t showing yet I’d lie to him and say there isn’t a baby anymore so he’ll just leave you alone and you can have a peaceful pregnancy. Stress is really really bad for baby and he’s causing you nothing but stress . You do whatever you have to , to get that man out of y’all lives .

Im glad you didn’t make it official with him or live with him because he sounds like someone who would get physically aggressive with you .

Yeah normally i’d say hes the dad so in theory the last name should be his or double barrelled of both of you. But that man is beyond toxic. You need to step away from him and keep him away from you as much as possible hes literally causing you physical issues due to the way hes being.
Once the baby is born you need all contact to be through a contact centre as well, he seems like a flight risk.
Just try to stay calm mumma, you’re doing brilliantly and try not to let him stress you too much. Just focus on you and the baby ❤️

No. I advice not to give your child bbd last name. It isn’t a rule, is just a costume, other countries give the mom’s last name. And some others both.

It’s your choice about the baby’s name , he really has no say. My child’s father and I have been in court all for it to come down to my decision if I want my son to have his last name. He’s now 6 and his name has remained the same.

You need to set some boundaries sis. He never respected you. Finishing inside of you after asking him not to is not okay and it’s borderline assault. He doesn’t need access to you at all. I would kill all communication. The name is not even relevant bc he’s not a father.

hell no

Yeah, no. I'm usually very against mothers trying to keep children from one parent (my mother tried/did it) but I also fully believe that if a woman can terminate a pregnancy, so can a man. What I mean by this is, up to the point a woman can terminate, the father can essentially terminate any relationship or responsibility of the child (not force or dictate to a woman to actually terminate obviously). He's clearly chosen to end his relationship and responsibility of the child by requesting you terminate - so that's what he gets. No visitation, no pictures or even acknowledgement of their existence, no rights to name, no child support, not on the birth certificate. As far as he is concerned, there is no pregnancy. He sounds abusive and controlling, cut all contact.

That guy is a toxic narcissistic control freak.
You’ll do amazing on your own, I would strongly advise you keep him off the birth certificate for reasons I hope you never have to find out.
Wishing you and baby all the best x

Can’t believe grown men can act like this. Gross!! I have given my baby his dad’s name but we’re in a relationship. If I were in your shoes that baby is mine mine mine with my name only!

2 someone like him not a chance my 2 girls have there dads last name but we have been together 11 years and happy but if I was in ur situation then would be my last name he sounds like a terrible guy and wouldn’t even let him anywhere near myself or my kids x

I agree with some of the other ladies. Block this guy out of your life... I know you may think it's the right thing to keep him updated or involved but you don't have to or need to after the things he has said and done way he's acted ect. I'd say 100% just block him off. You should be able to enjoy this pregnancy in peace and really love what you get to experience. The last thing would be sharing any of it with this man who will undoubtedly try to ruin it for you.
I'd also say definitely leave him off the birth certificate and give baby your last name. If he really cares enough he can go to court and get added to the bc. If not it would be one less headache to deal with for real.

You sound like a mature loving individual who will really enjoy being a mom and be a wonderfully loving mama 💕 I'm happy for you congrats 👏

You are in it for the baby and he is "in" it for the control and power ect. All the wrong reasons. Even if he says otherwise. You can feel it in your heart that he doesn't want this and..

.. he even said so himself. So yea. I know it's hard but my real advice would be block him out as best you can and just do exactly what you want to do. It helps to have a support system on your side.

I had my bd saying similar things to me at first as well and then flipping the script on me too and now he boasts about how great of a dad he is online and tries to get back with me all the time (for looks) claims he wants to be a family... but in reality he does nothing financially and tells me if I don't get back with him x y ans z will happen ect.
His mom backing him up with all of this as well. It's weird delusional shit 😐 ignore them ans see what they actually do. It's usually all talk one way or the other

Like fr these guys want control and don't even care for the baby.
It's okay tho we love our babies genuinely and that's all they need 💜

Nope my sons has mine my BD ain’t want him to have his last name so he just named him and that’s all

No, give the child your name! By the sounds of it he isn't likely to stick around and he doesn't deserve to have that privilege. He can still be named as the father on the birth certificate if you wish but has to be there.

the first question is are you safe now? You have no legal obligation to allow this man to name a child he never wanted nor do you even have an obligation to put his name on the birth certificate. This man is a threat to both you and the baby and so is his family. Mothers who baby their sons (him and his mom) always talk as if they can do no wrong and always want to add their input as is their the one carrying the baby/ pushing the baby out. I’ve dealt with similar with my first child and I had to not only get them kicked out the hospital but also refused to put him on the birth certificate. They were in his ear way too much and they were not about to dictate how I raised my child let alone what I named them. Your health along with babies health comes first. i would stay far away from them, pack up my stuff and leave in the night time to ensure im not followed. this sounds very unsafe like you need to leave

I feel like men like this hate and don’t respect women. It’s even worse when they’re in and out one minute acting like they’re interested in the baby the next not but maybe it’s also they trying to accept in they’re mind that ur having their child. Either way I think it’s best you try to just focus on you and the baby it’ll be more peaceful not dealing with him and all the messed up things he says and does. I wouldn’t give the baby his last name to make sure there is less drama and manipulation.

they definitely hate women

omg this is true. That’s exactly how it is! Especially being that he lives with with his parents still. When he mention putting the baby in a flight out of the US to see his sister. I declined and told him why. He got mad and his mom felt the need to try to have input. I ignored what she was saying bc it’s silly to put a baby on a flight during this time and when they’re growing their immune system. I think that was when I saw those signs of their relationship. One thing that is hard is that, he would act nice and say things over text messages. For example: “my parents really want to meet you and welcome you to the family” or “my family want to invite you on a trip upstate with us”.

But in reality it’s not true. Like he’s had his text messages brought up against him in the past so he just plays like that with me. Sometimes I ask him to recall what he has said in person through text. He hits me up everyday wanting to see and hang out with me. He called it “co exsisting together”. I which I find it disrespectful bc he broke up with me bc I’m pregnant but wants to be around and do couple things and etc. but he isn’t interested in me, never was interested in me ans doesn’t see anything with me. Which is like contradicting. I feel like he does have his family in his ear. Bc his actions and the things he says does not add up. Like when I went out he asked to join. I paid for everything. And out of courtesy I bought him a lunch too. And he immediately says that he doesn’t like it. Without me even pulling it out the bag. Everytime I ask him why he chose to be a dad he never gives a real reason. But instead goes back to lecturing me and dictating how our son will be raised

I spoke with a counselor and she asked me if I wanted to report him. It feels weird, I’ve never been in this type of situation before. Never knew that being controlling is a sign

My ex does that too. Says fucked up things in person and then over texts acts so calm and kind. I think thry only way to get them to say things you could use against them in messages is to stop all communication outside of texting. I mean honestly tho there's no reason to even speak to this guy. You owe him nothing
If you ignore him for a bit I feel like he will blow your phone up saying messed up things you can keep documentation of for future if you ever need it

I have recorded phone calls too but tbh it's different state to state idk which states those count in court 🤔

after reading what you said take it from me, he’s putting himself around you for 2 reasons, he has no plans on having a relationship with you but keep himself around you to make sure you have no chance of putting anyone else in the picture. The other reason is he’s trying to sweeten you up such as doing couple things without being a couple is because he’s trying to keep you in a family mindset to make it easier to be able to take you’re child once he’s born. He’s fully aware that you now know he’s a narcissist that’s why he tried to do stuff here and there but thankfully a narcissist can’t keep the mask on too long because their incapable of change. Most likely he actually got his narcissistic traits from his mother which is why she fails to call her son out on his shit knowing you’re a good woman. The fact he tried to do couple shit and still tried to end the time spent together with dictating how you’re son will be raised when he can’t even act as a man himself shows he has a

hidden agenda, I honestly wouldn’t have him anywhere near him and personally I wouldn’t put him anywhere near the birth certificate out of fear of him kidnapping my child. There are men out there that love women as in the will sleep with multiple women and never settle for one as they’re incapable their on men that will sleep with women but genuinely hate females. They’re straight as in sexuality and happy to get their needs met but genuinely hate everything about women and will treat them like a surrogate. He sounds exactly like that

depends on your situation. my first four kids don’t have their dad name he was my abuser. i knew he wasn’t gonna be there for my kids. i made a decision not to put him on the birth certificate or give my kids his last name. i don’t ever want my kids to question their last name and be like why is my last name different from yours. who is my dad etc etc. which i will tell them who he is but i rather them make their own choices when it comes to him when they get older.

I feel that. I think I’m my situation how it started was him not respecting my boundaries. Refusing to use condoms I have to him, ignoring talks about risks, I always bought plan bs and took them. There was even a time when he took confine off. I regret telling him that I’m pregnant. Bc he is very controlling, rude and nasty to me. But he talks about wanting to support me but instead insults me and does nothing. 😫 he had told his entire family so I feel like he’s gonna try to give me hell. Even tho not a hood person. I’ve been doing everything on my own. From living in my apt for 6 years. Even getting a two bedroom, bills, programs, doctor, social worker, planning for baby future etc etc. he does nothing. When I asked him for help on maternity stuff he told me to “just lose weight”.

Then the other time he disrespected me and my apartment saying that it’s not fit for a baby and etc that when I give birth baby will stay with him and his parents. He called my apt dirty ans small. Refused to take his shoes off when I asked, started to smoke weed in my apartment and walking into my bedroom blasting his phone, I was watching tv and he turned the Chanel he continued to insult me and ashed my on my floor and continued to be controlling. I am 33 ans he is 26 (hence he lied about his age). He lives with his parents. I think k he’s a reproductive manipulator. Bc he has told me that he got his ex pregnant and made her get an abortion…. I think I will be fine without him. I have community, family, friends love and support. Is there a way to have him back off? I don’t feel safe. I feel like he really is gonna harm me and my baby.