Husband advice

It's so difficult to advise when you don't know the relationship dynamics and personality types but my husband is the same in the beginning and I've always understood it.

Having said that, because I was breastfeeding and taking care of all of baby's needs, he was attentive and helpful with supporting me - massages, bringing me meals, allowing me to take naps while he watched (literally just watching 😅 or cuddling) the baby etc so feeding and changing nappies felt much less overwhelming.

If he's anxious about handling baby, perhaps explain that this is such exhausting work, you need support in different ways that he finds more comfortable such as massage, taking care of chores, refilling your water bottle etc.

He might feel more helpful and useful to you this way, taking away resentment from both ends and you might feel more supported and therefore energetic when doing the things he's uncomfortable with at this stage?

Hope that's helpful? I pray Allah puts immense barakah in your rest and recovery Ameen

He does all of those things, takes me to my appointments, makes food or brings food, breakfast everyday in bed while I wake up to breastfeed, as well as tending to the other 2 kids. On top of working from home right now as he’s on paternity leave. So hence the stress of feeling like maybe I’m being sensitive and just to get on with it?

Ameen thank you for you beautiful dua

If I was in your position, I'd go to my husband for hugs and comfort if I was struggling but seeing how active he is with everything else, I wouldn't press on the things he struggles with - I wouldn't want him to feel unappreciated. I would however, do things to make my jobs easier - taking my supplements, eating and drinking well, sleeping as much as I can to recover etc.

Personally, I view the breastfeeding and changing as things that are primarily my role and I feel most comfortable doing these jobs especially in the beginning.

Which aspect are you struggling with? X

Apologies I just reread your original post - it's the sleep you're after. SubhanAllah, lack of it makes our mood and tolerance run wild! Are you able to nap during the day? Try blackout curtains and try sleeping once baby is fed and changed during the day?

I think if your husband is helping and doing so much more while also working , then perhaps you could let the bottle slide a bit? The lack of sleep is difficult, but i think if you can instead make time for at least one nap during the day where you feed the baby to sleep then snooze yourself, and he can take care of your other kids, do other tasks in the house. I imagine this would work better.

I thought about the bottle too at the newborn stage (especially those first 8 weeks) , but in the end the pumping, storing correctly, heating correctly, sanitising bottles just became a bigger job, as well as risking nipple confusion, and it was actually easier to just request things for my husband to do while I napped instead (like preparing lunch, bringing the laundry in so etc) so that I could nap knowing other things were taken care of.

Sister if he look after the other children and sorts them out bringing you food than why you no nap when your baby nap? Even 2-3 hours short naps daytime it’s better than nothing it recharges you a little bit. Instead of asking him bottle feeding nappy etc ask him pls look after the other kids make sure they occupied or take them our somwhere so you can catch a couple of hours sleep. I know postpartum is hard we do feel so helpless even our husband does a lot we feel like it’s not enough especially being sleep deprived it’s hard but sister try to sleep whenever you can if you are able to