My mum - after writing this is very long and probably won't get read🤣

This maybe isn't the right group for this and I feel ridiculous writing it but I just feel like I need some reassurance. My mum isn't a monster by any means, has helped me out loads but I think we're just too similar and we clash, but thinking about things throughout my whole life she has been pretty toxic in her attitude towards me, and I've always just got on with it because she's my mum. I'm 35 weeks pregnant now and with me already feeling hormonal I can't cope with it, the last few times I have seen her its ended up with me crying because of the way she speaks to me and her just rolling her eyes at me. But then I've realised she's always been like that but I'm more sensitive to it because of my hormones. Anyway, she's single and I invite her to a lot of places with me and my husband because I feel bad that she doesn't really go out much (like she doesn't really have friends that she plans things with, and doesn't plan anything else and waits to be invited places/for me to plan things etc)
When baby comes, we want to do things as a family the three of us sometimes but I already feel bad not inviting her. Like for example, were going to go pumpkin picking the three of us and then try to get the whole family to go another time so that my mum can come along etc.

The problem is, after I've had a day out with her I always feel crappy because of how she is. Me and my husband are big on holidays and we're thinking of things to do for the next few years, obviously just ideas and we've thought before baby goes to school it would be really cool to go to disneyland at halloween, and it'll be much cheaper because there's no need for us to go in school holidays. My mum works in a school so inviting her either isn't an option or we pay double the price. But then I feel guilty about it. I feel like I'm so stuck because I feel this massive sense of responsibility for her to do things and possibly her only chance (I do have siblings who have kids too who she could do stuff with). But then I think I either invite her and have a rubbish because of how she is and have time and pay alottt more, or feel guilty and upset for not inviting her. And also I think it's important to do some things just my little family (me, husband, baby) but we are planning things with her too like possibly a summer holiday next year so she can come etc.

My husband has said that I'm extremely empathetic and sensitive which isn't a bad thing but the level I feel it makes it a big burden for me. My friend said I've probably experienced a lot of emotional abuse from her and need therapy🤣. I don't think she's done anything on purpose, was a single mum for a long time and tried her best and didnt have the best mum herself, but then again she was never the same with my older siblings.

How do I stop feeling like this😩 my husband said my priorities will change when we have baby and that he will be all I'm bothered about which I hope so because it is an emotional burden! Thanks

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I think an important thing you’ve raised through your post is this is how you feel.

It can certainly be hard feeling like you leave people out of things, but what you are talking about is not something your mum should hold expectations on being invited too. Of course it’s lovely to have grandparents join you on outings from time to time, but ultimately this is your family and you get to enjoy this time.

I encourage you to simply embrace and ride the wave of life. Don’t try thinking and planning everything ahead of time, or creating hypothetical reactions or scenarios that may never happen. Enjoy each moment as it comes and if confrontation occurs deal with it in the moment.

I cant lie I scanned the last bit but 2 things have stood out: 1 - you are not responsible for your parent, you do not owe her anything. 2 - how she is making you feel is valid and it is a behaviour that your child will witness.

I would personally sit down and have a frank chat with her, it can't continue as it is. If she can't be mature enough to take it on board then you know you've tried and can just do you x

Second what Heather said.
Our parents did things out of ignorance and emotional irresponsibility. They damaged us and yes therapy is the best to do for your sake and for your baby's sake. Motherhood is a new portal towards our own childhood and can be either great or hard as fuck. Good luck mama.

I feel therapy might really help in this situation just for you. You may be able to find the root cause of a few things and that then should help you direct and shape the future you want.

Easy for us to say don't feel guilty for wanting to do things without her but priorities do change once baby arrives. You guys have made some wonderful plans...stick to it. If she's so lonely then I'm sure your siblings could chip in but she's gotten so used to you involving her in your life that now everyone is probably counting on that for a long time.

You have your own family and priorities are different. Put your family first mama. I'm sure your mum did the same without guilt.

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Help! First time mum -

I have a 4 month old and now all of a sudden when he’s been asleep for 1hr30/2hrs he will wake up screaming (high pitched) I’ve tried winding him sometimes that helps, I’ve tried bicycle legs & bringing his knees up but that doesn’t seem to help but he brings his knees up himself sometimes but nothing happens. I’ve noticed since the 4 month mark he has started to struggle passing wind downwards! Any tips?

Hour night wakes and 5am get up

Can anyone shed some light as to why on earth my child doesn’t want to sleep??? My eyeballs are bleeding!!

Never been a good sleeper, but the problems always changing. He’s nearly 9 months old.

Beginning of the month he dropped to 2 naps. We could put him to bed at 7pm and he’d get up for the day at 6am, with multiple wake ups every 2/3 hours.

Now we put him down at 7pm, he can do a good 4/5 hour stretch, but come 1/2am he’s up every hour then getting up for the day at 5am. This then completely messes up the day because I can’t keep him awake long enough to even get to 7pm, let alone later.

He has 2 naps, roughly about 1hr10 each but it changed based on when he wakes and trying to get him to a reasonable bed time.

What could be the reason for this? 6am is fine, but 5am is not 😩😩

Don’t want to leave my first born😭😭😭

Anyone else extremely sad and anxious to leave their first born😭

He’s 2 and we have never not put him to bed or be here for when he wakes up😭

I’m so sad and anxious about leaving him

Help meeee

!!All advice welcome!! My 5 month old (nearly 6mo) is just not sleeping . Not for naps and not at night . She can’t connect her cycles . We started sleep regression at 3 months but in like how is this nearly been going on for a further 3 months . Like surely not . She has 10 min naps in crib ( which take so much effort ) and maybe 20/30 min naps in my arms/pushchair . She wakes minimum every hour at night with guaranteed false start 20 mins in . I combo feed. I breastfeed her until almost asleep then place her in the next to me crib give her the pacifier and put my hand on her cheek/face for 20 seconds and she drifts off . It’s not really getting her to sleep that’s the issue it’s she just won’t stay asleep . She doesn’t even need to feed much at night usually 1-2 breastfeeds . The rest is comfort wakes needing her pacifier or my hand on her cheek . I’ve looked into sleep associations and independent sleep and I broke the feed to sleep association and rocking and do bedside comforting instead for most wakes which has now lead to my hand being a sleep association on her face . I’m just so exhausted my husband is working mon-fri 9-9 and it’s just me . I haven’t had more than 4 hours in a row since her birth . I can’t get anything done during the day . She is so clingy and cries if I leave room /put her down etc. I love her so much but we both need rest . If anyone has any tips or a routine that could help PLEASE tell me I’ll try anything 🥲❤️❤️

Feeding to sleep

FTM here! 👋

Are you guys feeding your baby to sleep?

I just read feeding to sleep is creating bad habit and baby will always cry etc when awake at night expecting to get bottle before falling asleep again. 🤔
It said should feed the baby, give a bath (or not) and then put to sleep.
I do other way around - bath, pjs/lotion, rock to sleep and feed at the same time and then baby falling asleep.
Am I creating a bad habit? Been doing it all the time really. 😳

Feeds

How many times a night are your little ones getting up? My daughter is every 90-110 minutes. I am absolutely exhausted and don’t know how much more I can cope