I really need your honest opinion

I work full time (3 days a week) and my husband is at home studying/ doing some part time work from home. Our LO doesn’t go to nursery, so my husband keeps her when I’m at work.

When I’m at home, I do about 90% of baby care, plus cook a bit more than 50% of the meals (lately he’s been cooking dinner, which started maybe last week), but I do 90% of the cooking for LO (not just the cooking part, but deciding etc). He doesn’t do much housework, apart from taking the rubbish out, or cleaning the garden after our dog.

But, if I were to ask him to put LO for a nap, or to bath her because I had something to do, he would. LO is quite attached to me so it’s easier when I do it, but he would still give it a good try. As for the housework, I’m fine with the agreement we have, as I’m a bit particular about the way things are.

To answer your questions: you are not overreacting. It’s hard work to look after a toddler, doing the chores and still have to work. He needs to help you out more.

Not over reacting at all. My LG is 18 months old, partner never does night time routine, doesn't feed her, rarely engages with her for play time etc and I can count on both hands how many nappies he changed when we were together. I did everything, feeds, nappies, bed time, play time, nursery runs, work full time, housework, cooking meals, doctors appointments etc. That's why I kicked him out. I was basically a single mum with the added stress of his mood swings because he couldn't play his PS5 because the babe was distracting him 🙄 I've taken my girl to soft play and parks and seen loads of dads involved, playing, taking the nappy bag and baby to the changing rooms etc and not once did mine ever do that. Sometimes I'd say can you just watch her whilst I wash up or get dressed or make the bed and I'd come down 15 minutes later and he'd be in a mood so I just quit. We manage just fine on our own

that’s the thing! I see other dad’s getting involved more because they want to, not because they have to…that just makes me sad. If he’s here lots of times he’d rather just watch the football. When she was a newborn he signed up for a marathon which means he was always away for hours multiple times a week for running on the top of her other fun and work so I feel like he was hardly here and it’s still the same since then. Like you said, I feel like a single mum but he thinks he helps more than other dads would

Sorry but I don't think this is normal or fair at all! My husband and I do the fair share of everything childcare related and housework related. If he cooks, I wash up, if he takes the bins out, I'll do the laundry, if he does bedtime, I'll tidy up etc etc. This is both of your child and he needs to take responsibility and share the load. You're working, studying and raising a child and you also need a bit of time to yourself! I think you just tell him, say you're taking a few hours off and go out and spend it however you'd like. He will have to like it or lump it. I know it's an abrupt approach but from the sounds of it talking to him isn't working. I really do hope it gets better as it sounds really tough for you. Xxx

I have to agree with Jade. This is not okay and you should noy have to look after your toddler and husband! This might sound a bit harsh but I would have one last sit down with him and try to make him see how absurd the situation is. He is the father and therefore needs to act like one. You dont need 'help' wih your child, you need him to step up and do his fair share. It doesn't mean that it'll be 50/50 every day because it wont but your relationship wont last if it continues like this. I would be very honest and ask why he feels like he doesnt need/want to help

So sorry you’re feeling like this. Your other half should be helping a lot more than he is. Bath time and one to one time with their dads is important.
You shouldn’t have to ask for a break, your LO is half their responsibility too. You need time for you and it’s not all on you. I really hope you get things sorted as it sounds so tough. Some firm chats are needed and put some boundaries into place so you can have your own time too. X

Thanks everyone for spending time reading it and replying. I honestly started to doubt myself if I’m asking too much 🫣

Wanting your husband to help take care of his child is not asking too much.

Let him know how it's affecting you. Failing that I can come over and give him a stern lecture lol

Good luck x

I would 100% be fuming.
You are carrying too much and he is also a parent to your child! Xx

I do absolutely everything. Always have. Likely always will. I realised the other day when we were all going out together that even though daughter is 17 months old my husband has no idea where her socks are. They've been in the same drawer for 17 months during all the sizing changes 🤣 No idea! 🤦‍♀️ But...I am a stay at home mum. And to facilitate that my husband works 7 days a week, usually getting up at 5am and often working until 9pm. So that's the deal. I do all the food and chiildcare and housework and laundry.

I admit it can be frustrating at times when I'm overwhelmed, exhausted or burnt out. And I do sometimes get irritated. But I know I'm privileged to be able to spend 24/7 with my little girl.

I don't want to spend time away from her ever, but I do just wish I could put her on pause for half a day here or there so I could take a few moments to be calm and breathe and do something for myself.

In your situation....I'd be livid! I'd be fully expecting him to pull his weight.

It's so frustrating I totally understand how you're feeling. I remember when she was 3 mths old and I'd finally got a hair appointment after like 12 months. I told him I was gonna be at least 5 hours and he called me or text every half hour to ask how much longer I was gonna be 🙄 when I got home he was in a mood and there were bottles in the sink needing sterilising, clothes still in the washer that id asked him to hang out when the cycle finished and babes nappy was soaked through, I was furious 😠 I had to manage it all so why couldn't he just for half a day!