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Intimacy & Relationships

Partner and my mum not getting along

Hi all, sorry, this may be a lengthy post.

My partner and I have been together for the last three years, we were also together several years before then for a year but work and education took us in two different directions and we decided that long distance wouldn't work. We then reconnected when we were both back in the same city permanently and now have a 16 month old little boy together.

My mum was absolutely over the moon when we got back together as she absolutely loved him years ago, however, things have changed... My partner has a lot of what he calls "banter" with my mum but my mum can be very sensitive at times and takes a lot of it to heart, she had a word with him and told him it needs to stop as she's getting offended, he's now pretty much resorted to not talking to her. He spends the majority of the day just on his phone reading books online (not even just when my mum is here, it's a lot of the time) and that's one thing my mum hates is how often he's on his phone (I hate it too and have said multiple times about the amount he's on his phone but he never takes it in).

Anyway, for the last week, we've been staying at my mums house looking after her dogs and cats while she was on holiday. I spent a good 2/3 hours last night cleaning the house and making sure it was in a good state for her to come back to, I asked my partner to do the rest in the morning as I had a hospital appointment I needed to go to which wasn't in a local hospital to me so I was away from the house for about 3 hours. I dropped my son off with my mother in law so he didn't have to worry about him and I didn't need to take him to the hospital. My mum then met me at my hospital appointment as it was on her way back home, then we made our way back, she went straight home and I went to pick up my son. I got a call from my partner saying he has left my mums house because they've had a big argument about the house not being in a good state. I went back to my mums house to see her cleaning the kitchen, my partner hadn't done half of the things I'd asked him to do to finish up, had proceeded to make himself food and leave the washing up all on the side and not clean the stove or the sides, there was cat food all over the side in the utility (the cats are messy eaters) and the dog poo had been put in the bin outside but on top of the bin bag rather than in it.

I'll be the first to admit, my mum is a bit fussy with how things are cleaned etc but also, while she was away, I did all of her washing, ironing etc and didn't get a thank you or even a thank you for looking after the dogs and cats. However, I do know that the kitchen was in a worse state when my mum got back than when I left it in the morning as my brother was also there and said the same to me.

I just feel extremely caught in the middle and in a really awkward situation. To make matters worse, in two weeks time, we're looking after her house again but for 3 weeks this time.

My partner and I have also been having our own arguments lately and our relationship does feel like it's been more of a struggle lately.

Any advice would be massively appreciated. I'm so sorry for the lengthy post! 🩵