My husband feels trapped
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@Melanie yeah before i would have made a huge fight because I can’t tolerate that behavior, but rn I’m so stressed that I feel it’s not worth my energy
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He will always choose the alcohol and weed over his family responsibilities. You deserve better, please leave this man child.
And he's betting on you not having the energy to have boundaries. I'd not be there when he gets home, leave a beer in the fridge with a note saying something like 'Enjoy your company'. Don't give him a warning and don't answer any messages unless it's to communicate effectively.
As someone who goes through this or went through this, I saw a change after the baby was born, so I’m hoping that he will realize with more time spent with the baby alone that it’s not worth losing you guys. Granite he hasn’t stopped completely but I’ve always been the type to just pick my battles, if ur staying at home all day that’s a lot he needs to help when he’s home but u have to work as a team. But you can try asking him after the babies down to have the drink or smoke, but when he comes home I would say I need a shower and have him feed change and deal with the baby (ofc after he changes and washed his hands) but try an make a little peanut butter and jelly sandwich or two to keep your husband distracted(mine is 5 😭😭 so food and the baby keep him distracted for a bit) until ur able to unwind yourself too sometimes it’s not what u say but how u say it he might feel like ur being his mom but your being a mom asking your partner for help he needs to or sadly l would leave too
@Renny thanks for your message, I needed something more than just “leave him”. I think he might feel like I’m his mom and he is probably annoyed by it but I’m not sure what to do with that
Trust me girl I get it especially when “leave him” isn’t in your plan at all. this group is very independent I’ll say 😭😂❤️ love yall but I love my man & im definitely not leaving mine either so I get it. But we grew up differently and most couples have to so communicate and sometimes bribery work better than talking 😂😂 sometimes I have to take a step back let him do it and then I write down how it makes me feel and I let him do the same (we have mini note pads) u can get a pack of 12 on Amazon for like 8 bucks but we come back next hour and talk no beer (preferably not drinking though that is always late night shenanigans) but no cigarette or blunt takes more than a hour. have to try and work together for real or it gets worse 😭 but in your case it will get better I promise you I’m always up if you want to talk feel free to message me and we can talk more ❤️❤️ wishing you much luck and happiness to come your way in every situation
How old is baby? It can be a hard adjustment for dads as well when baby comes along. Maybe you can compromise, it’s ok to drink/smoke on weekends for example, and a beer or 2 is ok with dinner. Ask him how he’s feeling about being a new dad
@Renny this sounds so much mature and healthy, the way you express yourself relaxes me 🥰 thanks for your support, I hope you get a lot of love and support 💕
@Ellen he is 4 months and I know it has been hard for him. That’s what I told him before but when he wants to drink there’s nothing that can stop him, what it worries me is that he said he feels trapped and I don’t want him to feel like that but at the same time I don’t want to settle for the minimum
I think it is normal to feel trapped. It’s a huge change. Try and talk to him more about how to get a better balance for freedom
I don’t think leaving is the answer, though I love how empowered the women on this app are! Being a new dad is a big adjustment. My husband and I just had our second at the end of July and he went through a definite period of postpartum depression. He expressed to me that he felt like he couldn’t just do what he wanted and it frustrated him sometimes. He said he felt so guilty and selfish for feeling that way. He’s the absolute best father and husband, but I appreciated him telling me how he felt. We sat and talked about things and basically tried to find a way for him to have a little time to himself, as he is with us all the time while on paternity leave. I think working to find compromise is the answer, but also a huge challenge. Try to keep the conversations positive and have them in a calm tone of voice. Going into the conversation while you’re already angry, and frustrated will only make you more angry and frustrated. You got this girl! If you really love him, do not give up!
It sounds like your husband has some healing to do. He is coping with either drinking or smoking. And stopping smoking weed cold turkey is gonna be ALOT! Anger sets in after a week. So it sounds like in return of having to cut weed , he went to drinking. Maybe suggest to him to talk to someone and figure out what is happening that he has to cope this way. This only from my own experience. I hope you guys figure it out 🥰💕
It sounds like he has an addiction. And addicted people don’t see they have a problem and can’t keep their promise of stopping. I would highly consider that being the case and try talking to him about that. Addiction doesn’t necessarily look extreme. Plenty of people can be addicted and function well
So I’m guessing he needs either to a certain degree, which to me sounds like anxiety or depression could be as the base. Idk if therapy has ever been discussed, but I think it would help him to figure out what’s really going on with him and why. Like is he feeling like life just keep happening and he wants to feel some level of control over his life, which he feels like he has to ask to do, can be rough to process. Plus, moms are more likely to bounce into new parenthood (albeit usually with PPD or something) but dads aren’t as automatic. I’m not saying he’s right or that you’re wrong. I just think there’s more going on and understanding each other is going to pay off more than just telling him to stop. ✨✨ I also believe that God changes everything, so if you go to Him, He’ll give you better answers than any of us can✨✨
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It sounds like he has an addiction and is using substances to cope with something. Yall are so weird in these comments. Mental health matters til it’s a man I guess
Why would you want to spend your life and by consequences your baby's life with someone that is not able to not drink and potentially be dangerous for your own baby. Someone under alcohol influence can't take care of a baby. You say you love him. But does he love you? Or your baby? Does he seek therapy and help to be a better partner and dad ?
Honestly if he can’t straighten up and help with the baby Yall both made, I’d leave. He put that beer over is wife and child. He seems to have no respect for you.