What do you do when older sibling hurts younger sibling on purpose?

I have two kids, son who is 4.5 and a daughter who is 1.5. I know siblings fight, but what do you do when there was nothing to provoke one of the kids, and they choose to hurt the other child? There are times where my son is completely NOT provoked by my daughter, but he chooses to do something to hurt her, knowing it’ll hurt her and then he’ll lie about it. For example, My kids were playing independently next to each other earlier and when my daughter was bent over near their toy kitchen, my son decided to bump into her and make her fall face first into the toy kitchen. She let out a hurt cry, and a swollen bump formed on her face. I asked my son what happened(even tho I know what happened). He said that she fell into the kitchen by herself, I asked if he bumped into her, he said no, I asked him to tell me the truth and that it was okay if he bumped into her by accident. He insisted he was telling the truth that she just fell. I told him that I knew that wasn’t true, and that he bumped into her. I asked him if he did it on purpose, to which he stared at me which is what he does when he’s lying and knows he’s been caught. I asked him if he likes when ppl push him on purpose, and he said no. So I said “you can’t do things to other people, that you don’t like, and you can’t lie about them”. I’ve been teaching him lately that when you do something you know was wrong, you should do the right thing and tell the truth, because lying about it breaks trust and only gets you in more trouble. I’ve given examples of how it’s the same for adults, myself, his dad. I told him I’m very disappointed that he chose to hurt his baby sister and then also chose to lie about it, that lying breaks trusts so that even when he is telling the truth, I won’t know that because he’s lied beofre and that breaks trust. I put him to nap without his favorite toy. What do you do when this happens to your kids? Should I have spanked him? I don’t believe in spanking for anything other than hurting his baby sister and lying about.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Hitting a child because they hit another child literally makes no sense. That’s why they do it, you show by example that when someone is bigger they can hit someone smaller to get what they want. Spanking should never be the answer for any discipline. I would say taking his toy away as consequence is good but explaining what he did is why & then make him admit what he did & then apologize to his sister & do something nice/loving for her. Especially if he has a problem lying, anything he chooses to lie about make sure he admits it out loud to you & dad. Also your son could be jealous of your daughter bcs she needs you more than he does. So also try giving them time with u & dad without their sibling for 1-2 hours if possible! This is also a big deal as they get older when an older child is jealous of a younger child while they are getting to puberty it could allow the chance for sibling SA/r*pe it is a huge problem & is a large percentage of COCSA! Not saying your son will do it***

So basically to keep doing what I’m doing and have patience with him…it’s so hard some days because it makes my skin boil that he could want to hurt his baby sister when she truly does nothing but love him and want to be with him playing. We can’t spend time with just him cuz we don’t have a baby sitter or family to babysit to our daughter. I am not comfortable with that even if we did have the option. That’s crazy disturbing that it could cause issues like SA in the future!? I’ve never heard of that…

Wait girl you don’t even have kids yet!! Trust when I say this, you can’t speak on this type of topic when you don’t have kids yet.

Hello mama, i understand your frustration. My old child used to attack and scratch my newborn continuously for 1st month of having baby home, he used to grab and attack. I observed his behavior and pattern, it was mostly due to jealousy and he had to share his parents now with baby. He felt backed off and upset, so i explained dad that whenever we come home we gonna greet older first and do everything the toddler needs n let baby wait because baby is not gonna remember anything but toddler will.

So in start I'd hug him and ask whats wrong, u need something he then made face and said i wanted play no no baby so i put baby away from me and son, ofc in bassinet few steps away, then i repeatedly taught new things, activities and now he is very polite boy and treats his brother with love, when i leave them alone he even kisses baby in my absence.

So I'd say u need to observe and try to give more time to older child try having notebook and teach how to make circles and lines thats what kept my baby busy most of time. Take things slowly. It will be all good mama❤️

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Daycare?

Thoughts on daycare?? Truly, I am SCARED to be leaving my kid for daycare. I literally do not trust anyone, not even family (they haven’t given me a reason it’s just trust issues on my end, you never know). He’s turning 3 and I’ve been a sahm the whole time but tbh my man doesn’t make enough for us to move out somewhere more calm . We live in a ‘not so safe’ area in LA and I’m just not used to living here so I just want us to give my son a better life and in order to speed up the process I would have to work.. I do lashes at home and I’d be open to take new clients so I wouldn’t have to look for work but I’m just scared to lose my license 😭