Relationship breakdown

I hope this is ok to post here. Just looking for advice/support/any words of wisdom if you’ve experienced similar.

My 5 year relationship has always been rocky, even before our 2.5 year old arrived..mainly due to history of him cheating online with girls. God knows why I’ve stuck around so long with so many red flags, guess I’ve always thought I can change him, but it’s becoming more apparent that I really can’t.

In recent years he gets terrible rage whenever i “start an argument” by calling him out over his behaviour. He pushed me into a door and I hit my head and my hair clip broke and made me bleed, he punched my leg and gave me a huge bruise and painful haematoma under the skin last week, and today slapped me in the head. Hes never apologised, but I feel that this has become a trauma bond and I literally grovel for a quiet life and because I feel lil it’s my fault. He’s never been violent to our little girl, but he does absolutely nothing for her, and barely helps at the weekends when he doesn’t work.

I need out, I’m at rock bottom, and he makes me so livid that it’s hard to hide from my little girl…but we have nowhere to go. My parents have no room, and Ive isolated myself from anyone I used to be close to. Our house is more his than mine.. even though I contribute a share to the mortgage payments and house is also in my name, he paid the deposit and owns a slightly larger share. So him leaving isn’t an option.

How do I go about getting temporary accommodation? What should I do?

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You're so brave for posting about this and realising that you need to get away. It sounds like the violence is increasing and once it starts it will never stop so you need to go for your safety and your daughters well-being but I appreciate it's so hard.

Look into options with the NCDV - national centre for domestic violence and the national domestic abuse helpline as they may be able to help with longer term solutions.

If you go to the council on Monday and declare yourself homeless due to domestic abuse then they should help you to find temporary accommodation particularly given that you have a young child. Also if you feel able to, I would report it to your local police force to see what additional support they can provide.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, you do not deserve it and it is definitely not your fault. He will not change I promise you. He will only get worse and you deserve better.

Leaving a relationship like this is a dangerous time so make sure you tell friends / family before you do and let them know your plans. May be worth setting up a safe word with them so they can call police if you message them that word as they'll know he's being violent and you're in trouble.

Also look into the hollie guard app. It's a fantastic app and shares your location with a nominated person if activated so they can call police and know where you are.

I wish you all the best and hope you get out soon xxx

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