Is it too late or is there hope

Or maybe I am the issue? I’ve had relationship issues since my baby was born. My sons father does no dishes, hardly cooks, has mentioned he hates the baby crying, then tells me I spoil him when he cries, doesn’t get up at night to see if I’m breast feeding or bottle feeding the baby to offer if I do the bottle, stays in bed, etc etc. doesn’t text me when he works but will text me to ask to go to his buddies house or for me to do something, he doesn’t buy groceries or offer to chip in when I do while he works or anything. I’ve mentioned this many times and how unhappy I am and that I feel like he doesn’t love our son, or care about me, etc. we both work btw 50 hour weeks. I broke down the other day saying I hate this side of me, I overthink why he doesn’t make me any food, get up to spend time with me and convince myself I’m not worth it basically. I’m ANGRY. Last night he said he would try harder, get up, etc etc and that he’s sorry because I just about broke off this entire relationship the other day. I had no emotion when he apologized l. I can’t even enjoy our time together because I feel like he is just trying so that I shut up and stop “nagging” I work and get up with the baby at night or get up to pump, get all his stuff ready every day to be watched and, work, housework, etc. to me it feels like it’s too late to fix it. It’s been almost 3 months of feeling forgotten and unappreciated. Is it too late to repair this relationship? He has had no interest in helping me through post partum only interest in himself. I’m so so so mad at him and myself for allowing this. How do I push aside how I feel to let him try and be better because right now I don’t give a damn that he’s trying.

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It’s super important to have a partner PP to help you take care of you. Your job is to care for the baby and his is to take care of you. And ofc he can help w the baby too but some babies only wanna be w their momma and that’s okey too.
If he’s not making you feel like he loves you and making your PP life easier I think it’s better to be alone ( my pov). You are already doing it all by yourself and he’s just there creating more emotional issues instead of supporting you emotionally and making you feel better. I understand the thought that we all have that we want to make it work for our babies but the baby deserves to see you happy and grow in a healthy and happy environment and if your bd doesn’t provide this then maybe it will be better for everyone to just part ways and learn how to co-parent.
ALSO all men cry saying sorry and that they will do better when you try to leave him but most likely he won’t change

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This is the hardest time in virtually everyone’s relationship. It’s super easy to feel resentful when you feel or are giving more of yourself than your partner. Try and remember that in the span of your relationship and life 3 months is not a long time. I can say I have felt similarly so similarly I think I could have written this myself. BUT I have also realized it’s easy to view their effort in a negative light because you’re already upset. Take a step back and remember you’re both learning how to navigate this new life. Do not give up because things are hard right now it will get better.

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i’m in this exact same situation 😕 it’s definitely hard!

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This time is difficult in general, especially when you feel alone and unsupported.id talk with your partner and express the need for help with specific tasks. Dont just ask for blanket help cause then its harder to see a follow through.

Also you boy is a baby, he lacks the ability to emotionally regulate, comforting him when ever he cries is exactly what he needs. Don't anyone tell you otherwise. Babies communicate through crying.

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I’m in the exact same situation. I’ve been trying to think my way through it but it’s just stressing me out too much to the point I’d rather ignore him than think about any of it. I’m sorry you are also going through this. Stay strong mama and one thing I’ll say is my mom keeps telling me that my baby is number one over all else and that’s what I’m focusing on 💕

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I hear you. I’ve detached myself at this point because it quite literally drives me crazy and I’m so mad every time I’m around him. I told him the other day I wish I didn’t care anymore because if I didn’t care I wouldn’t feel this way

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thank you this was well written

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Give him specific tasks to do. I don't know what your relationship was like before, did he do much of home care stuff? If not, then I would expect him to not realize how much more work there is now. When he complains about baby crying remind him that's the babies language. If he still doesn't get it ..complain about him talking...in the same way he complains about the crying ..get him to understand how silly he's being about that.

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NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

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Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

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Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

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Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

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19

Thoughts?

your soon to be brother in law (upon inquiry) told you that only a few kids from the family were attending his wedding because they are over the age cut off..

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8

Daycare?

Thoughts on daycare?? Truly, I am SCARED to be leaving my kid for daycare. I literally do not trust anyone, not even family (they haven’t given me a reason it’s just trust issues on my end, you never know). He’s turning 3 and I’ve been a sahm the whole time but tbh my man doesn’t make enough for us to move out somewhere more calm . We live in a ‘not so safe’ area in LA and I’m just not used to living here so I just want us to give my son a better life and in order to speed up the process I would have to work.. I do lashes at home and I’d be open to take new clients so I wouldn’t have to look for work but I’m just scared to lose my license 😭

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