Narcissistic husband
I am married almost 5 years with my husband and we have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. I think my husband is a narcissist and I ve been suffering of his emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I loved him and naturally I’m an empath but especially after we had our daughters I feel things are getting worse. I really do not know what to do anymore and I am really considering a divorce but I feel bad for him. My mother and brother are visiting me in our house in the USA( I am originally from a European country) . There was some situation not something major in my opinion and my husband felt I disrespected and embarrassed him in front of my family and he has gone into rage for two days now everytime I tried to talk or even apologize(though I don’t feel I did something wrong) . He is giving me the cold shoulder for two days now, if I try to talk to him he is insulting and full of anger. He doesn’t even talk to my family these past two days. I feel so stressed being around him and I just feel relieved when he leaves the house which he does not do often because some days he works from home. He doesn’t help me with anything related to the house and especially now that he is angry, the kids or our dog. He feels he is the breadwinner and that he does more than enough and that he got a bad card for me. I cook( and he wants me to make healthy breakfast, lunch and /or dinner and not something easy), clean, feed both the girls, shower them, put them to bed , take to all activities, waking up for night feeds , taking our dog out , doing groceries with two babies and he always tells me I exploit him and he works like a donkey. He does a white collar job and I am a stay at home mom. I think he is feeding off drama all the time and trying to always create a situation. Tonight I tried to talk to him and he told me I should beg for his apology 10 times and shout my mouth. I was trying to put my toddler to sleep and he didn’t care. He told me to come talk to him in the other room(he went to sleep in another room of the house now that he is angry) . My toddler won’t sleep without me so I told him I have to put her to sleep so I texted him instead and I apologized even if I feel like I shouldn’t. And his reply was this I have attached a screenshot
What should I do? I feel like I can’t take this anymore. Even though I may still love him I feel it’s getting less and less . I feel like this will be bad for my daughters and I don’t want them to see that and to normalize behavior like this to women. I don’t know how I married someone like him because I always thought of my self as strong and independent. If I knew how he would turn out I wouldnt even exchange a “hi”. I feel so lost and trapped and don’t know what to do. I feel very confused. Has anyone gone through a similar situation ?
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Woman, I hope you take it as a serious sign and leave this man that is supposed to be your “husband”. A husband should never, ever disrespect you like that and speak to you that way. Not just your husband but no one for that fact. You have kids and the way he treats you they see it regardless of how much you hide. Be courageous and leave this man. Show yourself primarily the love you feel for yourself and respect you give yourself and leave. And show your kids those actions so that they grow up knowing how people should treat them. Get a plan in order and leave. He is not worth your emotional/spiritual investment.
Ew. Honestly he’s a pos for talking to you that way, and good for you for apologizing even if you felt you didn’t do anything.t constantly reminding yourself of these “true colors” when things may get bad or a disconnect is a good way to keep yourself kind of distanced from him until you can leave. Especially if you are taking care of his home and his babies, and he’s taking out whatever personal ego stuff he has going on. F no
I definitely have been in a similar situation in a way of I was married to a narcissist for 8 years. The emotional abuse similar to this is so hard! I left cuz i didn’t want my kids to see that kind of relationship play out- I left their dad 6 years ago and it was the best decision of my life! It looks like he is trying to break you down. People who shine the brightest tend to attract the worst people. All the things he is saying is how he feels about himself. You definitely don’t want normalize this line of behavior for your kids- you need to protect them and teach them boundaries because narcissistic parents always get worse when the kids become someone who is their own person rather than being just like the narc parent. Just don’t tell him you are going to leave him until you talked to lawyers and have a plan to get out! Tell your family and get support 💝
Yeah wow.
I’ve been through this ALOT in my past with my partner. He has Tourette’s. Even though that’s not an excuse at all. It did contribute to the rage. And he said really nasty stuff like this too. Very very degrading. He would always apologize for it once he came out of it. It’s been a year since he’s done it now thankfully. But I think that’s because I was pregnant/have newborn baby. So not sure if it’ll happen in the future again. It’s so stressful and it hurts so much. I have no advice for you, just that I understand. In all honesty, if you did leave him it would be really really rough for a few months. But eventually you will know you made the right decision when you start to feel good about yourself and your life for you and your daughters. If you do leave, I suggest no contact. Go through mediation for the kids. Just do everything you can to go no-contact. Don’t even express your anger, upset or reasoning. He will drag you back in even if you think he won’t.
This is coming from experience.
You deserve a really beautiful love with someone who doesn’t degrade you.
And someone out there will do anything to give that to you. But also you deserve to love yourself and build a life you are happy and proud of BECAUSE OF YOU.
🤍🤍🤍 sending all my love
He is doing what he can to hurt you.
I have learnt to ignore it. I know within myself those things aren’t true so I don’t ever let it inside of me. And I brush it off as his problem, not mine.
But unfortunately now I have very selective hearing when he talks because I had to block out so much in the past. I don’t hear much of what he says just in general convo now lol
You absolutely 100% need to leave this man. The level of aggression is worrying and whatever is said past this point to try and smooth things or win you back is absolutely null and void if that is what he is capable of expressing over something minor.
I am genuinely concerned for your and your children's welfare especially after you casually mention physical abuse previously.
Do not tell him you're going. Do not try to make it right, just make it bearable to stay safe. Show this to those close to you and ask them to help you get away.
You and your children deserve more than this, are worth more than this. Your love for him is not worth a life like this. Xx
Same. No physical abuse but emotionally it’s always suddenly a dark tuning point. And his rage is traumatizing for kids and I to be around. I don’t want kids to learn hurting is love.
Question for anyone who managed to escape with kids - how do you get out safely if this is a narcissistic person who is intellectually capable of revenging, has friends that do sneaky/illegal stuff for him, and possibly way more money to hire top lawyer for custody? I don’t want to lose kids to him
Mam, please leave. Is staying for the kids more important than staying alive. Rage is dangerous and you need to protect yourself and those kids. And the fact that your family is there and he’s treating you this way is crazy. Imagine what he could do if they weren’t there. Please run!
I’m so sorry but these text messages are extremely hard to read. You must feel terrible about reading it bc I know I do. I’m sending you a huge huge hug. 🫂
I want you to that they all say 🤦♀️😔
They think with their dicks and unless it involves that, they will aim to hurt with words and actions. You really truly deserve better. Doesn’t matter how many kids you have or how long you’re married, a real man doesn’t talk like that to a woman, period. You are an amazing mom and I’m telling you I know the amount of work you do on a daily basis. Leave his ass, take half of everything with you, and let him pay that 3 child, child support , with that dirty disrespectful mouth!!!!!!!!
document everything. Hide cameras. Tape recorder, video on your phone! Do whatever you can to get EVIDENCE of everything. Also speak with a lawyer, they will usually offer free legal advice especially if you call Around and explain your situation. Find a woman. Make sure you save everything, make copies and keep them somewhere safe… let all of ur family and friends know what’s going on the plan to leave.
It’s extremely hard to refute video, audio evidence , especially when it’s presented by a lawyer. If it’s physical abuse, especially with children involved, call child protective services. It’s a sure way to get some investigation started and on paper for the future. You can report your spouse anonymously. They will investigate everyone! They won’t tell who called and reported it. and it will start a open line of documented communication. They can help mothers of these children involved indirectly!!
I'm so sorry he's talking to you like this. Please get out of this "marriage" for your sanity, dignity, and safety. Don't even apologize!!
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