I asked a friend to be bridesmaid but now I’m regretting it 😅

So I have this friend we’ve been friends for 6 years but 2 years ago I moved towns and since then she hasn’t been as close I’ve tried to so many times to meet up, said I’ll go back to home town to meet for coffee etc (it’s only an hour drive it’s not like I’ve moved to the other side of the world) but she just is always busy, fine

4 months ago me and my partner decided on our bridesmaids/groomsmen etc… 3 months ago I asked her and she said yes, I was super excited

BUT

since asking her she’s told me she can’t get ready with me and the other bridesmaids unless she brings her kids to my hotel room where we are getting ready… I explained that as much as her children are welcome at the wedding and party I would rather not spend the morning of my wedding in a room full of children while I’m trying to get dressed and that if I made the exception for her I’d have to for everyone … she spit her dummy out saying what else is she supposed to do, I told her how the rest of my bridesmaids where getting ready with me and there boyfriends/partners where getting ready at home with the children than bringing them to the wedding for the start time …. She than told me her boyfriend doesn’t want to come so she’ll have to get ready at home and bring them herself … I don’t see how this will even work? Her kids are 5 years,2 years,1 year and newborn (the wedding is in 18 months so they will still be young and how is she going to walk down the aisle when she has no one to sit with her children?)

I was stressed but thought we can make it work, than 4 days ago I showed her the dress I like for them and she told me she can’t wear it because it’s not her style and won’t be flattering that she would like to pick her own dress at this point I was so fed up I said fine but wish I hadn’t she than sent me a really short dress in the complete wrong colour! My colours are black and emerald green she knew this but she chose a light blue dress I told her no and she said but that colour looks better on her I told her that she is not wearing a light blue bridesmaids dress to be a bridesmaid when the rest are green she spit her dummy out called me a bridezilla and hasn’t spoke to me since …. Another friend sent me a screenshot where she had messaged them and told them and than told them that’s she’s going to tell me she’ll wear the green one but show up in the blue one

I don’t know what to do? Can I tell her she isn’t being bridesmaid or will that make me an A/H

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If she wants to try to trick you and show up in the wrong color I would send her ass home…. Let her waste her own time getting ready at home.
She sounds like a very selfish friend or one that didn’t want to say yes but did and is now making it everyone else’s problem.

Is her partner incapable of watching the kids for 1 day?
Why does she have to bring 4 kids to a wedding with no help? why can’t he go to support her or watch them for the morning so she can get ready with you?

I’m the nicest way because he’s a p**** … she’s always comparing because he’s like an extra child he has never once looked after them alone he complains all the time … he kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant with her first and she come to stay with me … she went back and I’ve tried so many times but she lets him get away with everything so he’s not going to change

I feel like a terrible friend but I’ve been there so many times to help her, I do everything to suit her and it’s now effecting me there comes a point where enough is enough and I may sound like a b**** but her childcare should not be my problem on my wedding day nor should I have to get ready with 5 children that aren’t even my own?

Honestly, I'd be telling her to fucking do one at this point! Who TF does she think she is?! Seriously, save yourself the stress and grief and tell her it's not working out and you're going to go with someone else!

I totally agree. It shouldn’t be anyone’s problem. If she brought them that would just turn yourself and other bridesmaids into unpaid baby sitters.
It really is a “her problem” if she chooses to continue to have children with someone who is incapable of being a parent.
if a significant other refused to go to my best friends wedding with me I would have broken up with them.
Someone who is important to her should be important to him.
My husband and I have gone to every single wedding that the other was invited to, no questions asked.

I think the dress thing is just a deflection. She wants to be uninvited so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy by cancelling.
She probably knows realistically she cannot walk down the aisle with the other bridesmaids if she brings 4 small children and nobody to sit with them during ceremony.
If she wears the other dress it’s you asking her not to walk down the isle with the rest of the girls instead of her bailing

I think you need to tell her you are ditching her as a bridesmaid. She sounds like a fucking drama llama and she will make the whole day about herself - it’s not worth it. Trust me, you don’t want someone on your team just to make up the numbers. Your bridesmaids should be people who are going to prioritise your happiness on the day.

Tell her: “I feel like the stress of being a bridesmaid might be a little too much for you, especially as you will be caring for four children on the day with no support. For this reason, I’m going to relieve you of your role as I think we’ll both be happier if you’re just able to enjoy the day as a guest.”

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