How do I stop comparing?

I feel like I’m constantly comparing my 2 babies, my firstborn (23months) was sleeping through at 3 weeks old and it was bliss, she barely slept through the day and she’d sleep 12-8 through the night, my second born (4weeks 3days) does not. He’s up every 1/2 -2 hours and sleeps a lot through the day and it’s a struggle… he only seems to sleep when toddler is getting up then my chance to sleep is gone it’s eat eat eat all the time and he’s ridiculous for hoarding wind..
it’s all she (toddler) never did this or that mainly from my partner and I’m wondering whether it’s ever gonna stop. I try so hard to make my partner see that he (baby) is his own person and it was never gonna be spot on the same but nothing goes through. He’s also a very whinny baby and wants attention a lot, he does settle for my partner who’s struggling as it is as he has misaphonia and the “newborn cry” is one of his triggers so he’s getting frustrated at baby which makes me super mad at him and we’re fighting a lot over it mainly because I’m tired and I’m tryna make life easier for partner on about 3 hours sleep then having to juggle my toddler through the day aswell until partner gets home and I’m touched out… it’s just hard and unexpected and we got super lucky with firstborn which I don’t think we appreciated at the time

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I don’t think you ever stop. My 2 boys are 14 months apart. My first son was 9 months and walking. My second son is 16 months and still not walking. My first son is 2 and talking in fluent sentences. My second born says the odd word. I get they all grow and develop differently but wow it’s so hard not to compare. I don’t know if my first son is way too advanced for his age or if my second son is where he should be. It’s so tricky

I had twins when my oldest was 16ish months. Nothing helps you to not compare than having babies born 2 mins apart and treated exactly the same to show you that comparing is futile everyone is their own person. My twins could not be more different, and even compared to my oldest the similarities are quite minimal. You're in the trenches and your hubby has to understand that he needs to deal with his triggers, you can't change baby to accommodate him. He has to find ways to work around it all x

I do the same. My son is now 6 months and my daughter is 18 months but my daughter was such an easy baby. I call her my “beautiful angel” because she was literally an angel. She slept through the night (& still does), took her naps (& still does) and is such a great learner for her age. My son… total opposite! From the day he was born until now, his naps are horrible. Some naps are 20-30min. Some naps are 1-2 hrs. He now sleeps better during the night. He only wakes up once. Some nights he can sleep through. My son also cries a lot more and needs to be held more. I totally get how you’re feeling. I’m going to be honest with you, it honestly didn’t start getting better until he was 3 months 😭😭😭 my daughter I was able to put on a schedule since she was 3 months old and my son is not on one and probably will never be lol. It’s literally a take it day by day kinda thing with him since everyday it can be different. I promise it’ll get better though! It will just take some time

& I agree with Mou that your partner will have to find ways to work around it. I get it’s hard but yall need to be supportive of eachother and definitely communicate/understand what each of you need 🫶🏻

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