Am I making a mistake?

I wouldn't, personally. It'd get too complicated later on. Like, is there an expectation that you'd be her carers if she needed that? Would or could you give up work to do that if needed?

I think a better approach would be for you to save for your own place and encourage her to get out in the community more and make friends. My mum loves rock choir and v is thinking of volunteering in a charity shop as a way to meet people.

I also wouldn’t . I have lived in a 2 bed with two boys who are now adults and they shared right up until he left with no issues and actually they now miss each other.

my partner and I both agreed we’d care for our mums if the need ever arises as neither of us have dads or siblings that would help out.

We already own our home, just need to save a bit for something bigger once the kids get a bit older as I’m sure they will eventually moan about sharing 😆 I like the idea about trying to encourage her to get out a bit more, she would definitely benefit from the company. I

I wouldn’t necessarily have an issue with inviting my mum or MIL to live with us if they couldn’t be alone anymore. But I would have an issue with accepting the money because then it’s no longer your house it’s also partly hers. Then it becomes a bit of a weird vibe and she might expect more than you’re willing to give.

We almost ended up living with my MIL because she told us we could have her parents old house but then as soon as we moved out to renovate it she moved herself back in and it was clear she wouldn’t be leaving. It just never felt like my/our house so long as she was there, and since she’d given it to us I didn’t feel like I had a leg to stand on telling her she couldn’t be there. I know it isn’t quite the same but for starting a family it was so important to me the house be ours.

The theory and reality are often very different. I think everyone wants to care for their parents in theory but it can't always happen.

For example Alzheimer's care really needs professionals. Without outside help full time homecare would mean one or both of you couldn't work. Are you prepared for that? Can you financially do that?

I think it'd be much simpler and better for her if she gets back on her feet socially and then if she needs proper carers later on she can sell her flat to pay for any care.

Sounds like a good deal to me! If she’s happy living in a guest house in the garden, just make it superrrr nice fancy and cozy. Make sure the interior design and kitchen etc is so lovely. She’ll naturally want to spend more time there and that leads to boundaries being respected.

If you buy a house that has two reception rooms, design one so that it feels like a shared space for her and the kids. Have a cinema projector! While other spaces should be designed to feel separate and more your own space. For example, an open space kitchen/ living room can be shared if she loves to cook for the family. And a separate reception room can be more closed off, minimalistic, with office desk to feel less welcoming.


Also, since you have a good relationship, just ask her if she has any concerns about living with you. It’s likely she feels the same way!

But never underestimate the power of interior design and architecture in creating boundaries and setting a family’s lifestyle :)