MIL wants to take baby
My ex Mother In Law is really bothering me
My son was 12 hours old I hadn’t even left the hospital when his dad asked if his mum could take my son to see the rest of his family to which I said no and that I wasn’t comfortable with it when he his far too young and I very simply just don’t want him away from me.
Then again when he was 5 days old she asked again to which of course I still said no.
Since then I’ve told my midwife and health visitor when they came round that I’m feeling pressured by them into taking him - they have both said that from a professional point of view and as mothers themselves a baby so young should not be taken away from its mother and she shouldn’t even be asking to take him.
Me and my sons dad aren’t together however I’ve said I’m more than happy for him to come round and see him and that’s what we’ve been doing - but his mum came round last week on her own for a chat and she spent the full time talking about how she’s doing a bedroom out for my son at her house, how it won’t be his dad looking after him when he goes there it will be her etc etc
She is literally acting like my son is hers.
He is now 2 weeks old and she walked in my house on saturday with a dna test - my baby dad didn’t ask for me to do this he’s said he has no doubts that he’s his dad and that it’s his mum that wants it for her own piece of mind apparently, she payed for it and sorted all the forms out.
I agreed for her to do it as I have absolutely nothing to hide, she passed me the paper and her exact words were ‘you have to sign this as you have parental responsibility we don’t’ it wasn’t HE doesn’t have parental responsibility (as in my child’s father) it was WE don’t. She then waited till I had signed the forms on the dna test to then say ‘let me know when I can take him for the day’ again he is 2 weeks old he’s not going anywhere! And I know for a fact she’s only done this DNA so that if I refuse to let him go to there house they can take me to court.
I appreciate the fact she wants to be in his life and wants a relationship with him but there’s a huge difference between bothering and pressuring
She’s really getting to me over it
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
A court will side with you with a baby so young, especially if you’re breastfeeding. I would just send her a friendly text saying something like
“Hey! I’m so appreciative that you love my son and want to be apart of his life! I would love for him to come spend the day with you when he gets older. Per advice from my medical team, he is too young to be away from me for any amount of time right now. You are more than welcome to visit and I would love to come over to your place for a visit so others can meet him when the weather gets warmer and there isn’t so much illness going around. I know you’re so excited to show him off and I’m thankful he has such a loving grandma in his life!” Or something like that!
I wouldn't have done the DNA, his mother has no right to your baby, and if the father didn't want a DNA he should have put a stop it. I would also be making it clear that when baby is old enough and you feel comfortable the baby is to stay with his Dad not with his grandma.
He is far too young to be away from you
You need to put boundaries in place. Even if it was ok for a baby so young to be away from its mother, it’s your choice and not hers. It will always be your choice because you’re his mother. End of story. Also, grandparents don’t have any legal rights over a child, you’re the one in charge.
So angry for you!!!!!
Oh I definitely wouldn't be as nice as Emma 😂 she needs to be put her in place now and not to cause problems down the line. she sounds like you give her an inch and she will take miles!
When my MIL was minding my daughter while I worked she would take her for a walk around our village and once she took her to the next village to go to the shops..... After she cleared it with me first.... And she was around 15 months!!
She can have a normal grandmother relationship where she visits him and if you want he visits her - but assuming overnights etc? OH HELL NO! and I mean ever, not just when he's so small! The fact that she assumes it would make me against it.
ive tried so hard to be nice but when im still getting asked im starting to feel like being nice isn’t getting me anywhere.
My eldest is 22 months and ive only just allowed my family to have him and that was only because i needed him to be looked after while i was having the baby. I don’t even dare open her messages anymore because i know im just going to be asked again.
What makes it difficult is the fact my sons dad still lives at home so all im getting is ‘it’s his baby too and if he wants him here that’s his choice’ 😬
It sounds like it's been driven by her not your baby's father?
Then I'd block her. Or at least silence her and archive the chat so you don't even see them.
Only communicate with him about your son and if he asks to take him there say right now he's too young, you can't give a definite date when you or he will be ready but you certainly will not be counting his age in weeks when that day arrives! It'll depend on his feeding, how settled he is etc.... that you as the babys mother have to be comfortable with it and he has to respect that.... That you are parenting with him not anyone else.
me and his dad aren’t in contact we only speak to each other when he comes round, when he wants to see him he has her message me.
But when it comes to her he was no back bone he won’t stand up to her he listens to what she says and then repeats it at first when he was here it was easy enough because when I said I wasn’t comfortable with her having my son he said it was fine and it was my choice the second he went home he switched and said it’s his baby too, it’s his decision, he wants him at their house etc etc
She has absolutely no right to do that whatsoever. Walking into your house and slapping a DNA test on you? What court would ever side with a woman who puts so much pressure on a brand new mum
I'm raging for you!
I can't believe she came with a dna test.
Don't put dad on the birth certificate quite yet. He can be added later.
This lady doesn't respect you at all. Copy and paste that message Emma typed out then turn of notifications and archive that chat. Deal with the baby's dad directly. If he can't do that then he can explain to that to his mum.
Put you and your baby first. Enjoying your time with your baby is the most important thing and you shouldn't have to be stressed out over her pressing you.
Download the Peanut App
