What's everyone's partner like with baby?

So before our baby was born, my partner had zero experience with babies, which is quite normal for most men I guess.
The first week, I feel he really got stuck in and it was lovely to see him becoming a dad.
However since then I feel like he's just very uninterested in our baby. He'll hold him when I ask him to, or give him a bottle etc. but it just seems like he's doing it because I'm asking him to, not because he actually wants to.
When he gets home from work each day, I'd expect him to be happy to see us but he's always tired and moody and doesn't even acknowledge our baby unless I literally hand him over to him.

Am I being unreasonable?
I know it's all still a bit alien to him having a baby, but I'd at least expect him to want to bond with his son.

I think I just had an idea in my head of seeing him become a great dad but I feel like baby is just a massive burden to him 😥

Also, we haven't been intimate in a long time. Hardly even kissed ☹️ he's not the man I fell in love with, I don't know why this has happened 😭

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest x

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Also just to add... Me and baby sleep in a separate room at night so my partner always gets a full night's sleep, where as I'm always exhausted after only getting a few hours at the most 😴
But no matter how tired I am, I'm always SO happy to spend time with my baby 🥹

Exactly the same has happened with my partner, he won't take initiative, gets home from work and just sits on his phone, rarely pays attention to our little girl and i gotta ask him to do her a bottle, has only held her when I give her him.
Same with the intimate too, he asks for it but im too tired and he makes me feel crap about it.

Im hoping things change when shes a toddler and shes more interactive, I hope she cues at him to play and he listens

It's such a shame isn't it? 🥺 I think we have an idea in our heads of seeing dad's interacting with their baby, loving them as much as we do and creating a special bond.
I don't even mind about the lack of attention he shows me right now, I just want him to give our baby all the love.
Maybe I need to be more patient... Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

Men do tend to bond more as baby gets older in my experience I think at the beginning baby relies so much on mum and they they don’t really know what to do but as the baby gets older and they laugh, smile and get excited when they see them come in from work I feel like they then start to really bond and show a lot more attention and in my experience become the fun parent that my toddlers adores and I’m the boring sensible mum worried about all the dangers of if he does this or that 😂

I have 3 with my husband and in all honesty it happened with all 3. They just don’t feel needed at this stage, my babies have been super clingy so he’s always felt like they just don’t like him yet🤣 when they got to the toddler stage though he’s been all over them. The newborn stage came more naturally to me and the toddler stage came more naturally to him. However he is the breadwinner so baby and I sleep in separate rooms etc for him to sleep. Just speak to him about it so he can learn to help when he can but remember you might both feel like you’re drowning at times.

Thank you for all your input 🙂

I do realise it's a huge life changing thing for him, and because I work in childcare, he knows I know what I'm doing so I think he does just tend to leave it to me.
It's not that he doesn't do anything... he definitely does, I just want him to be more enthusiastic about it 🙈
I'm hoping once baby grows up a bit, he'll be more interactive with him etc

Same here. My partner was amazing initially but has slowly dwindled since being back at work. He keeps going on about the bond I have with the baby as well. He’s still really good with her, but I always have to initiate the contact and he won’t just come and take the baby for me. I assume it’s just because she can’t do a lot other than feed (and she’s breastfed) right now, and he’ll get better as she gets more interactive

in our community

Would you be upset?

So I have been feeling upset today for a few reasons.

1 I asked my siblings, I have 3. Lets call them A, B and C, if we were doing anything for Easter this weekend. A, never responded, B said he had to get through the work week first and C said she didn't know what her little family was doing yet, so no idea.

I said ok, let me know and told them that my little family was away most of the weekend visiting my partners family but would be free on Monday.

Found out on wednesday that B had organised for our parents to go over on Thursday for a movie night and today, after I asked that he and his wife will be out tomorrow but will visit our parenrs on Monday. So he is capapble of organising things, just not with me.

Found out, alao today, also after I asked, from A that she and our parents are going to visit C, her partner and their 8 month old.

So I am upset and angry that noone communicated with me and I had to follow up to get answers.

It's bringing up other issues we have had. Like Christmas 2024, my kiddo was in hospital so we missed Christmas with my family and then my SIL posted photos captioned "family photo" to our fanily group chat (can't remember if she posted to social media) but have taken "family photos" exactly twice before that (once at my Dad's 70th the month before and the other at my brother and SIL's wedding. She was the first to join our family and had been in our lives for 6 years at that point. We haven't taken "family photos" since, despite adding a member, when my niece was born, I was really hurt by that.

2. I am upset with my partner because we are at his Dad's and I have put the dishwasher on twice (he helped once) and a load of washing (he hung it out) and he aaked me to organise our kids dinner, meaning search his Dad's fridge or pantry. I just gace him toast. He also basically told me to put another load of washing on after our kiddo pooped his pants and then turned the bathroom light off, while I was still in there, and walked away.

I absolutely don't mind pulling my weight at his Dad's but it feels like he follows my lead and does the things I have started a lot of the time.

I also would never expect him to rifle through my parents fridge or pantry.

His Dad is super cool and I know I am welcome too, it just feela uncomfy.

3. Our SIL (on my partners side), we'll call her P, is the one who pafticipates in the group chats and her husband, my partners brother isn't even in the chat and is notoriously unreliable in terms of reaponding to or answering calls or texts. So it goes through P. Anyway I feel like there is always an excuse for them not to hang out and my son barely sees them and his cousins. As a result he is obviously closer to the two he does see and it's noticeable.

They aren't free at all this weekend, except tomorrow when we are all catching up and they aren't free next weekend. They weren't free for a city date in January and constantly have thinks on; dance, soccer, parties etc. Never available for quick catch ups either. They live a few streets over from my partners Dad but it's impossible to see them and I am ready to give up. They remind me of my aunt and uncle and I have minimal contact. Never call or text, see them once a year and at special events. I have zero relationship with my cousins. I haven't actually seen my aunt and uncle since 2023 and can't remember the last time I saw the older of my 2 cousins.

I hate that my son is going through what I did.

Anyway, it's been a down day.

Am I a bad mom or is this normal….what can I do I need advice

Okay so I don’t know if this is my fault but my 17 month old son as much as I love him has been a little terrorist lately like not 100% of the time but enough for me to be a bit concerned like he’s been hitting throwing toys pulling hair screaming in my face and full blown tantrums and just plainly being mean acting like a bully and he used to listen when I would redirect him or tell him to stop but the defiance has been so real the past few days he will laugh in my face when I tell him no about something and then continue to do it I’m currently pregnant with my second and I’m due in mid May so getting up and chasing him has been a lot harder is anyone else experiencing this or has experienced this because I’m starting to feel like I’m a bad mother or that it’s my fault…

Just need to rant.. am I being unreasonable

When my partner helps with our toddler I just feel like it creates more work.
He agreed to feed her breakfast.. she feeds herself but wheatabix is still messy. He doesn't clean the high chair, Wipe the tablecloth or rinse/clean the dishes. Just leaves them all on the kitchen table.
He changes her out of her Pjs.. just leaves Pj's on the floor outside the washing machine.
He changes her nappy.. throws the nappy in the kitchen doesn't bother putting it in the bin.
'Watches' our toddler play. Doesn't interact with her or help her language development. Just sits on his phone and occasionally shouts at the dog.
I'm sick of it. When he'd done with breakfast he says 'I'm going to go have a shower'. I said there's no towels as they're all in the wash and need drying. "I'll manage"
I asked can't you just put the towels in the dryer and wait while I finish getting ready? (I already showered)

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, had about 2 hrs sleep and he's had 12.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is but I just needed to write it down because I'm tearful and hormonal. 🥺

Full time job

My partner works all week and he works quite a physical job.He does come home and help ish but i always have to ask and i feel like he has to make a face first and then he’ll still do it.He doesn’t wake up on the weekend and i feel bad to wake him up cause he is worked but i am so tired even tho our little girl doesn’t wake up during the nights anymore.He still does his hobbies like fishing and gym and i feel like i’m just stranded 24/7 .

Emotional abuse

It’s been pointed out to me that what I’ve been experiencing in my relationship is emotional abuse. After a year and a half of manipulation and gaslighting, things are finally starting to make sense, but it’s also overwhelming to process.

What makes it even harder is knowing that from the outside, he’s seen and known as such a kind and good person and I’m afraid no one will believe me. Right now, I feel completely drained, like I’m carrying a constant weight, with this tight, anxious feeling in my chest that won’t go away.

I’m still trying to find my footing and understand what comes next, but I needed to say this out loud. 😔

How would other mums feel ?

This morning there was an issue where I needed to use the car to pick something up for my Mum and my partner wanted to take our daughter out at the same time. I said I'd just go before and be quick and then they could use the car (with her appropriate car seat - she's 4) but he kept saying no she can just go in my van (with absolutely no car seat). I clearly and explicitly said no, he knows my opinion on this as he's asked before and I made it very clear. It should never have even been raised as an option. Anyway, my daughter got all excited at his suggestion and then proceeded to cry for about half an hour begging me to say yes. I explained it was illegal and unsafe and I wouldn't put her at risk like that. Next thing he just says I'm being silly and dramatic and he's taking her. 🤯 She got all excited and I was absolutely furious with him. I said I was very angry and it's not ok and he still took her anyway...I did consider physically blocking her from going, but I didn't want the drama or upset that it could cause, so they went. But I'm very upset...what is he teaching her?! That he can just override me when I have repeatedly said no she isn't going? And what kind of respect for me and my opinions is that?! V angry.