Cheating partner, no help with baby…

This is going to be very personal but I really need help coping. So my baby’s father and I have been on and off ever since our baby was born. My LO is now 10 months old and we still haven’t made things work. We still live separately and I told him I won’t move in until he changes. I was suppose to move in after baby was born but I found out he cheated a week after giving birth. I left back to my studio and he claims “I took him away”. I never kept him from seeing his son but he’s made excuses to come visit since he lives in NJ and I live in NYC. When I found out he cheated I had went through his Apple Watch and saved the girls number, called her up, come to find out he continued seeing her and came to NYC multiple times without bothering to see his son. Fast forward to now, I’ve forgiven this man so many chances just for the sake of our son and again I checked his watch recently and found out he cheated on me with a prostitute, meanwhile telling me he doesn’t have money for tolls to see his son also made me buy a car seat since the last one was stolen in front of his house blaming me because I left it outside. Mind you I’m not working at the moment due to going through postpartum depression. I’m living off of my savings and every time I ask for help it’s a sorry excuse. Meanwhile he also took another female to a Kendrick Lamar concert and took her on multiple dates. He’s never taken me out on a date ever since the baby’s been born yet he spends his money on other women with no issue. He’s now telling me that he cheats because I’m never near him and live so far and feels alone forgetting he’s done this even when I tried living with him. He saids to please do it for our son and he will do whatever it takes to save our relationship because he wants to make it work but I’ve run out of chances and don’t think this is healthy for me. My question is how should I go about completely not seeing him for a long time to get over this. Should I take it to court for full custody? He doesn’t help with baby and neither does he take care of him. I want him in his life but need him to get his act together as a father.

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I absolutely agree that he has had all the chances with you and I personally could never get past how he has treated you. If I were you I would allow him access to his son but use a third party if there is someone you trust so he can still see him but you don’t have to.
I have been a single parent and I can tell you that you and your baby will be absolutely fine.

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that feels like. You deserve so so much better. I wouldn’t jump for full custody yet because he doesn’t seem to care, it would just be more unnecessary stress for the time being. I would go for child support and I would send him a message and say you will no longer have anything to talk to him about outside of your son. Doctor’s appointments, visitations, emergencies, that’s it. If he strays off conversation ignore it or every single time respond with “when are you seeing our son?” It’s up to him to do the work to see him, not you. And since he hasn’t done it thus far I’m sure he’ll just drop off.

yeah I doubt he would even show up to court for a custody battle. The issue is, once I go no contact and tell him to only call if he’s seeing his son, he starts calling non stop and even shows up to my apartment. That’s how he usually tries to work his way back in. But this time I won’t bother to answer the door. I’m also even scared to put him on child support because he’s emotionally abusive and manipulative. He’s threaten me with taking his life and I’m always scared of what if he ends up actually following through. I feel like I’m dealing with an undiagnosed narcissist. It’s a complete nightmare!

thank you for that! I sometimes think about what if my son ends up disliking me in the future for not making it work as a family. But the reality is I rather him grow up knowing his mommy values herself. Growing up in that type of environment where there’s constant fighting is detrimental for us! It’s not how I want him to be raised.

If he shows up unwelcome you call the police, and get a restraining order. He’s only doing this because you have let him back in.. you have to put your foot down. If you do go for custody you could request updates be made through a monitored app. That would be a huge benefit and take a lot of stress off of you

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