AITA cuz i want hubby to stay home?

So our son had been sick for about a week and over the last almost 72hrs I've had ~7hrs of sleep total (nothing more that 45min at a time). His younger sister had her graduation today and it and hour+ away. After working a full 12hr shift, he stops to shower and leaves again. Am I an asshole cuz i think he should be at home with us? Especially given i called him, not even 2 hours after he left for work, breaking down so bad, boy whining and screaming in agony and feeling like I got hit by a truck. Haven't felt this drained since the early newborn days while pumping. I feel like us, his family he made, are getting forgotten or don't matter as much as his sister graduating.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love this sister of his but it's not like it was ever a question if she would graduate in the first place. Idk I'm just upset and with it being almost 10pm and he still has to drive home, I'm just over it and part of me just want to be like, why don't we matter? Do you not see me struggling so hard to keep my head above water?

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!