should I have a second kid even if we can’t afford it?

Absolutely do it. I'm Catholic so we aren't permitted to use contraception I never used it and never will for personal reasons - we had two kids when we couldn't afford them trying for a third now and we live in a beautiful house w two news cars I'm a SAHM at just 21 and 24. Luck can change. Absolutely go for the extra child even if u have to cut back on things u will always regret it. i can't imagine not having my children. we want 5-8 but are open to life.

It would definitely be an additional financial strain and I wouldn't because of this but its really up to you and your husband. If you sit down and talk about it and another child is something you both really want then go for it you can make some adjustments and make it work. I'm sure you will decide what's best for you as a family. x

No, I personally wouldn’t. And I’m Catholic. Financial stress can effect your marriage. Problems in your marriage can affect your kids. And so on. I would wait until you’re more comfortable.

Mine are 5 years apart for this reason.

I would wait especially with all this talk of an upcoming recession. Maybe wait till your son is closer to pre k and then start trying? 3-4 year age gap really isn’t super crazy!

Don’t do it girl. You can still have a baby at 38-40 !!! Get the money first

There are a lot of programs that help pay for childcare

@yesenia what are the qualifications? I am assuming we make too much. we make 6 figures but after taxes, health insurance, student loans, and food we basically break even right now

How long til your oldest starts school? We have timed it so he will be in school by the time the new baby needs childcare. I am 35 and will be almost 36 by the time the baby is born (all going well of course 🙏🏻).

Personally I wouldn't, I'm not prepared to go into debt. However, if this is something that both you & your husband want, then do your research. What could you both change to make it financially possible for this to happen. If the results come out positive, then sure go for it.

I personally don't want to have kids too late, so I understand, but I'd say go for it, but create a plan to increase your family income, I don't think it's a good idea to have kids and not be able to afford everything that comes with it, I think if you set something in place like finding better jobs or increasing education, so that you can make it happen, would be good. Me and my husband already made good money but as we had our baby, he's been pushing for higher pay, and just got promoted, I also switched to travel nursing so I make more, we also work alternating shifts, he does days, I do nights but we still have lots of time off together, but we don't need daycare the way we set things up. I'm ready for our next kid, and I already have another pathway set up to make even more money while still having lots of time off (I take off months at a time after a contract)

I'm 35 as well and have decided we're one and done. Happy with my choice, I'd rather give my son the best chances and be able to do trips away etc as he gets older, than have a second and struggle more

Personally, if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have another. I'd look at ways I could increase my income first but if it wasn't possible, I wouldn't subject my family to such financial strain. Babies are expensive and I wouldn't want to not be able to afford what they need

@Kristen in my state of Maryland, the scholarship max income for families of 4 is over 100k. Check your state guidelines.

If the only reason that you can't afford a child is due to childcare, have the baby. You are running up against time for a statically safe pregnancy and life isn't perfect. A lot of daycares have siblings discounts. Also, a lot of states are now starting PreK at 3yo in their county schools which means it's free. You could very well have a child in PreK and 1 in daycare.

I have been the child of someone who is just scraping by for almost my entire life. No hate to you and if you can make it work with your retirement without putting yourself and family into future financial trouble then by all means do it because having babies is the worlds best gift. However if you are in fear of it being something you can’t work out then personally I say don’t do it and focus on baby number 1 and doing all you can and want with baby number one and then maybe down the line things will change but ultimately everything is in gods timing he will do for you what is needed wether that be a baby tomorrow or 9 months from now or in 10 years. Good luck mama!

Cutting back is one thing but if we couldn’t afford the basics for existing children I wouldn’t have anymore. Not only does it strain the marriage and add stress to your life it can negatively affect the existing children

35 isn't that old. And you could always work on a wfh type job skill. Don't empty your savings, shop around for daycares. Or honestly wait. I'm 2 years postpartum in 29 days.... And we have been casually trying.... And I just got two positive tests a few days ago. So that puts it at baby in January

@Rosie my husband is currently in night school to get a second degree with hopes he can get a higher paying job. He’s a software engineer which is a tough field right now, he’s been applying for higher paying jobs for a while(2 years or so) but hasn’t had any luck yet. I really like my job and have great benefits so not currently looked for a change. We both have 9-5’s and work about 50 hrs a week. we do both work from home but I couldn’t image getting anything done with my toddler home

Oh and I got pregnant and also had my son at 37. So no, 35 is not that old.

@Shay it looks like ohio is 142% of poverty level so 45K

@Kristen good luck to him in school and in his job hunting! I still say wait. Wait for some things to improve/stabilize financially for your family

Wait a little and see if your financial position is better, no reason you can't have a baby still. I'm 37 and pregnant with my second :)

1. Some people have sibling discounts. 2. Does he make enough to were you could be a sahm all together atleast until they are in school to x out that bill all together? 3. You could wait until the baby goes to pre k so everything will be about the same as it is now.

@Enya Farmer currently I make about 45% of our total income, without my income i don’t think we could pay for our essential bills. with two kids in daycare we still would have more money with my income

@Enya Farmer we could try to wait. I just didn’t want a big age gap between kids

Draining your saving and retirement to have another child is a horrible idea. The likelihood of you ever replacing that money is slim to none. Also, moving money from your retirement accounts in order to access those funds opens you to early withdrawal penalties and they are wildly expensive.

Also I just reread my comment. If what I wrote sounded judgmental or aggressive or anything, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound judgy.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 we wouldn’t withdrawl from our 401K, but wouldn’t contribute to it while paying for 2 kids in daycare. I did the math and if we had the 10% & 11% income that we currently put into our 401k’s, that would cover daycare plus baby expenses

@Stacey 🇵🇸 or we still contribute some to 401k but reduce it in half and use our savings so we still get company match but then our emergency fund will slowly empty out

Having children increased our assests and also opened our minds in new ways on how to make more money but also save money. I definitely felt like.. we could NOT afford another child after our first (however, i was 20 and so so young.. we didn't have a house yet and hadn't paid off vehicles, etc) however.. we chose to have another, and within 2 years of our second babies' life, I paid my car off, bought a home, started saving money, etc.. we moved into a bigger home, were able to get a bigger vehicle, and now we have our fourth on the way! Which funds for that baby have already been set aside (like payment for midwife, doctors, carseats, etc) Sometimes kids are like.. the powder in the bullet, they can really help you focus and get shit done! Sometimes not. Sometimes, people who are already drowning in debt (not just tight on money) go into more debt to even conceive a child and then live in debt forever 😭 its a mentality thing more than anything.

My financial situation improved every time i had another baby. It’s about believing that God is the one providing not you or your husband. And he won’t make a child starve or have a bad time but u gotta believe it

Start looking for daycare programs that accept child care assistance and apply asap, once you’ve secured it for your first then you’re better set up to have a second and you’d get preference for your infant at the daycare typically

Absolutely not. Enjoy your young child and your healthy marriage. Financial strain can ruin all of that. Having a baby just to give him a sibling is not a good enough reason.

Work on getting a mom friendly career once you don't have need for day care make that second child my mom worked nights when I was a kid so she was there all day and she slept for a couple hours when she got home after dawn and then she got up and stayed up all day til around 6 and slept for 3 hours and then she went back to work so all day she was there and all night my dad was there

@Kristen well in that case, plan baby around when kid will be going to preschool. You can care for a baby while working FT from home. Send toddler to daycare, keep baby home. When baby turns 1,make sure toddler will be 3-4 so he will be transitioning to preschool. This means, plan for a 24-30 month age gap between them. Since he's about 18 months now, you can start trying now.

@Sara amen! The Lord always provides.

Since yall work from home, id try looking into a nanny that would ask for less than a daycare for 2!? Maybe even someone part time? It would definitely help cut the childcare costs.

I would save up a little then leave work force for 2 years

In my opinion if you have to pay a lot for daycare either be a stay at home mom for awhile or find a job that will work with your partners work schedule. I was a stay at home mom for awhile only cause we weren't going to pay that much for someone to watch our kid. I helped out other friends while I was home and watched their animals or their kids when they had to work.

@Sara same

@Monica we’re just so bad at sticking to a budget! and I don’t want to be stressed about fiancees but we both make good income so I feel we should be able to do it. We bought a new house last year so we could expand our family and just be so cluttered, our old mortgage was 10% of our net income but now it’s 30% and then another 10% is going to daycare and its the cheapest one in the area we could find. I did cut down on cost, we don’t have a cleaning lady anymore, shop sales only, use coupons, stopped getting my nails, facials, chiropractor, and massages. I want a new car but driving my 2013 civic and we have no vacations planned. This is how I justified the increased mortgage

@Anon I did look into a nanny for our first but the cost was like 2-4x as much, but might be worth revisiting for 2. We have a extra bedroom too so possibly a live in nanny with reduced cost due to having a place to stay

@Jay we can’t afford to not have my income

@Beth we can’t afford for me to stay home, we need my income to pay our essential bills. Me and my husband are both engineers so we have 9-5 office jobs that require meetings throughout the day

I wouldnt. Im currently kind of in the same situation. Im starting to want another baby however we can't afford childcare for the one we have now and I am not quitting my job. EVER. Unless I hit the lotto or the government makes childcare affordable, Im gonna have to wait until my daughter can go to school for another.

If you are going to be under financial stress and then add another child? with postpartum stress? I wouldn’t even do it. idk that’s too much PRE stress give it more time. I have THREE children all different stages in life

I would say wait even a year or two with the intention of saving more and making more money so that you will not struggle with the next child. I’m thinking I want a second child but I know that it would cost a lot to care for another so my plan is once I’m out of college to find a good job and then have another. I know people say when you’re struggling just do it and good things will come, but in reality you just don’t know that so it’s better to be prepared.

Can you look at your expenses and cut back without dipping too much into savings ?

@Jadie I’ve been trying to do that, most of our expenses are mortage, health insurance, daycare, food , medical and vet bills, most of them are essential. We’ve been trying to cut down on food expenses and we’ve cut down $100-$200 but we need $1300 to cover daycare costs