Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

Should i divorce the “good guy”?

My husband and i have been together for 5 years, married for 3. He’s not mean tempered, sometimes helps with things like cooking and recently (once in a blue moon) cleaning. But something is just off for me. I feel like he doesn’t help to the extent that i need him to. Even asking for specific things to be done, they lay untouched for months.

There has been infidelity on his side multiple times in the relationship. No proof of anything physical, but i’ve found fb messenger and tinder conversations. When confronted, he continuously lied, even when presented with proof. So i feel like he’s lying when he says he didn’t actually sleep with anyone.

He has also left 2 jobs within the last year and has screwed our family financially. Accounts have been negative for months now… i genuinely don’t know what to do. I do still have love him, he’s the father of my child. He’s not a mean man, doesn’t yell or hit me or our daughter. but i feel like i’ve fallen out of love. i’ve asked for a weeklong break a couple of times before but he “thinks it’ll do more harm than good” and he won’t allow it.

If anyone has any advice, it would be appreciated

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Try asking him to go to marriage counseling hun I hope things get better

Marriage counselor. They are not so bad. They are more help marriage to grow up if you two willing out work and change and adjusting more. Marriage is forever all about work, adjust, change for keep that love. Investment your loves..

Doesn't sound like a good guy to me... Honestly what does he bring on the table ?

i guess i should’ve added, we did did give marriage counseling a try. i was told to let go of certain household responsibilities and for him to “pick up what i drop” (talking about the household chores). he was good for about a month, and then started lacking again

It sounds like you tried everything you could to make it work at this point if you want separation go for it

I think it’s already been said but this man barely meets the “bare minimum” standards of a good guy.

Not being verbally or physically abusive is not something we should be grateful for, it should be the basic standard of human decency.

IMHO, you’ve been gaslit if you think you should be worried about leaving someone who doesn’t contribute fairly, has been unfaithful, fails to provide financially and won’t respect your requests for a break.

You can definitely do better and be happier than this.

Been there, honestly it’s not okay. You don’t feel love because ur not being mentally, physically, financially, or emotionally meet with ur needs. You deserve better. You deserve an actual partner not another person to mother. Feel free to reach out to me recently just left someone I loved and the father of my child. It’s hard and hurts but honestly only because of how freeing it can be to not consistently be disrespected by the I wills, I forgot, or idk how. The absence of the I’m sorry is so freeing. You will still have to do it on your own but without the grown ads man child.

I’m not trying to put anyone down but 9/10 times that’s is how it goes in these situations. Sadly it is common and there are a big community of he didn’t hit me but he pulled me down.

He won't 'allow' the break because he knows that you'll come to your senses and leave. This easily could have been an opportunity for him to fix up and try and save the relationship but he's clearly complacent and not interested in doing the work. You can still have love for someone but realise that you are worthy of more. Also, our kids view on relationships is formed by what they observe growing up, show your daughter that you won't settle for less than you deserve and neither should she ❤️

Also, the bar is truly in hell if not hitting us or our kids but cheating lying and being financially irresponsible means they're 'the good guy' 😩

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Cheating 😭

I cheated on my partner of 3 years the other day, our baby is nearly 2. I feel completely awful about it. It was not a planned thing, just an in the moment situation. No excuses or justification, it was wrong. He knows exactly what happened and it’s hurt him so bad. I really want to make it work with my partner and he does with me. We’re so young and in our early 20s. I’m just so worried things will go wrong. Has anyone else been able to make a relationship work after infidelity? 😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!