Husband is frustrating me whilst TTC

Talk with him and tell him how you are feeling. Get it out. You'll feel better. Choose a time where hes not too touchy and talk to him stating "hey I just can we talk about my feelings and how it feel for a little bit" communication is key in relationships.

If he’s saying your most likely get pregnant having sex everyday it’s not true at all , I had to buy ovulation tests and had to take one weekly because I had very irregular periods but got there in the end after many negative tests and feeling so down about not being able to get pregnant x

My mom’s advice that truly helped me was “every 3 days, make him feel like the king of the world”. Tell him he has to give it a few days in between to let his down become mature and more potent. That’s the advice my fertility clinic gave me.

Every 3 days is plenty. Truthfully. And don’t skimp on foreplay. It’s just as important to have fun so it’s not just a job!

I personally wouldn't take this to heart.
I think it's important to have sex throughout your cycle even when out of fertile window - otherwise it feels like a chore and that that's all they're good for etc.
Of course he needs to not pressure you but talk to explain and tell him how your feeling

I don't know if I've maybe not explained myself properly.. The issue isn't him not understanding my fertile window and how often we should be having sex to conceive- the issue is that he is basically on me 24/7 to have sex and isn't trying to comfort me at all during the low points when I'm taking negative test after negative test. He sees me upset that I'm not pregnant, and thinks this is the best opportunity to have sex because obv I want to be pregnant, knowing that I'm due my period in 2 days and can't really get pregnant, well it's very unlikely. Like I'm sat there staring at a pile of negative tests and he starts grabbing me and saying he wants to fuck me, like I was crying 3 minutes prior, but he'll be saying those things to me and grabbing me. I think I just want comfort and support, instead it feels like he's taking advantage of the opportunity to fuck as often as possible and isn't really caring how much its affecting me that we've been unsuccessful..

yeah I agree, and we do have sex outwith my fertile window, but I just wish he understood that when it comes to trying for a baby it's a little bit more than just fucking, and I need his comfort and support when it doesn't work out 😪

I'm glad your husband understands, that's fab

I've tried but it's like he hears me but doesn't take it to heart.
Like I told him to stop grabbing at me and that I just wanted a hug because I was upset, so he hugs me for less than 5 seconds, then not even 5 minutes later he's back to coming up behind me, pushing himself into me trying to initiate sex when I'm busy and stressed and still obviously upset. It feels like everything I say goes in one ear and out the other

Was he like this the first time you TTC? Has he gotten a bit carried away with the lack of condoms or something? I understand not wanting to make it feel like a chore and whatnot, but it sounds like he's just treating you like a cum bucket? I will say my husband doesn't always pick the best moments but he would absolutely never be telling me how hard he is while I'm brushing our toddler's teeth, it's just too much!! Try to find a calm time to have an honest chat about your feelings about it, you can say you're flattered that he's so into you but maybe he could try a bit harder to get you in the mood and choose his moments than just thinking about getting his dick wet... I'd find all this really off-putting if it was every day, there would be no dick wetting in this house 😂

tbh I don't remember him being this way the first time. I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from- it definitely does feel like that. Like he's thinking "yes let's have lots of unprotected sex!!... oh yeah and then we'll probably have a baby too". Like it's just an afterthought.
It is really off-putting, because its very frequent, and I try not to mind during other times of the month and take it as a compliment, but he doesn't try to turn me on, foreplay etc, it's just bam! He's hard, straight to fucking. I was in so much pain after this round of TTC because I was basically dry the entire week and we were trying every day, he didn't even care.
I've order lube to help next month but it feels like I'm battling with this side of things alone.

I mean men don't process the negative tests the way we do. We feel like our body is failing the most natural thing to do. My ob told me to ha e sex every other day and I should get pregnant and thats what worked. My husband did tell me after I got pregnant 'don't get me wrong I love having sex with you but doing it every other day was getting exhausting'.
Idk men just process this differently and some men find their partner more attractive when they are trying to have a baby

yeah that's true, I can understand that, but I feel like I physically couldn't have more sex, yet he's constantly asking. Yeah he's probably just processing it differently, but it also just feels like he's ignoring how it's hurting me. I dunno..

Wanting a baby shouldn't mean you have to say yes every time he wants you for the sake of it. Remind him that just because he's hard straight away and ready to fuck doesn't mean you're in the same zone, you need to tell him it's made you sore even if that makes you a bit uncomfortable because he should at least be able to understand and care about that. Maybe he wants to make sure you're active at non fertile times so he knows you want him for something other than sperm but he should also care that you're enjoying it!

yeah, he just doesn't care about that stuff. We've had so many conversations about what turns me on, like I've told him word for word what he could do to make me wet and he is yet to do a single thing I've said, its been years. He knows I'm dry because he says so himself when he goes in, and I need to readjust constantly until its over because the dry-friction irritates my scarring from my first episiotomy.
I can't remember why I started explaining this haha.. anyways, we have sex pretty regularly outside of ttc, I can't say I enjoy it most of the time I just do it for his sake because I just feel so guilty otherwise

Well your feelings are valid. No one likes feeling pressured to have sex allthe tile when yhey arent up for it. You need to be candid and honestly tell him everythung we just read. He might be a bit oblivious to the depth of how this all makes you feel.
I wouldnt assume the worst though. He probably is very excited to make a baby and it sounds like he is very attracted to you as well. I understand it might feel like too much right now with some of these scenarios youre explaining, i would be annoyed too
. You can get pregnant at any time of your cycle. We know that chances are much higher around ovulation but more sex does equal higher probability but there are so many factors, emptying the tank every day might make the quality of his sperm go down...
Talk to him, dont make sex all about conceiving because that isnt fair either. Its an inportant part if your relationship that you both should be enjoying regardless of the season in life. So try not to over stress. Best of luck ❤️❤️❤️

Is no one else reading your comments? He doesn't care if you enjoy it or if you're dry as the Sahara and people are like awww but he's just so aroused by you 😬😬 I know it's not my business, it's your relationship, but my husband would be devastated if he ever thought I did it out of guilt and didn't really enjoy it 😔 yours literally references it and doesn't care and to me that's a problem. You deserve better, I'm sorry.

yeah I dunno, I get people want to understand his side too and how he may be processing things 🤷🏼‍♀️ I truly don't think he cares how long it takes us to get pregnant again, as long as we just keep having sex all the time. I don't understand how the negative tests don't seem to worry him. He just says we need to try more, but like I said I don't think I physically could..
I appreciate your honesty. We've had a lot of conversations about intimacy which never seem to actually go into his brain 😅 He just listens to me talk and then we go back to the usual, and the things I want him to do are so basic, simple, no effort things that would just make it so much more pleasant but idk. I don't want you thinking he's a terrible man or anything. He's not. He's a great dad, he's hardworking and loyal and funny. But he's just selfish and inconsiderate with this stuff and I can't seem to get through to him.

I dont think you should lose hope, you're testing before your period is due, best time to do the test is a day after a missed period right? Or did I miss read?

I'm sure he is all these things and I don't know what would be a suggestion about getting through to him with it tbh. For me it would be a big problem if my husband didn't respect my body or care if I enjoyed the intimate aspect of our relationship and just wanted it for his gratification. Sex therapist? Could you stop him and be like "do this to me first"? He might find it sexy you saying what you want during?

I'll add my husband definitely didn't take negative tests with the same devastation as me after seeing a lot of them (we ended up needing IVF), however he was gutted that I was gutted and would absolutely not have tried to stick it in me

This isn't all to say "oh my husband is the best most perfect husband" because he absolutely isn't 😂😂 but I think these things are fundamental to a relationship and everyone deserves that basic respect

I've suggested therapy (for other reasons) but he's very against it, so that's unlikely..
I probably could tell him during but it's not really something I would want to do all the time, like I don't want to *have* to tell him just for him to do something i like, if that makes sense, I want him to do it because he wants to make me feel good
Yeah I hear you, I just can't get through to him, and I don't think he's ever really gutted about it the way I am either. I don't expect him to understand my perspective fully of course, but I do feel disrespected and I think it's understandable as to why, but he just doesn't get it.
Thanks for listening to me rant on, I appreciate your insight, it's felt nice to get these things off my chest especially getting an actual response for once and not just a head-nod

yeah youre right that's very true, I am waiting until my period is due to be certain, but the tests I've done up until this point have been 100% negative, not even a glimpse of a faint line, and its been this way every month, so I guess I'm just losing hope at this point

Good luck, don't forget your pleasure is important too, I hope everything works out!

Also I hate those early detection tests. I never had one be wrong in years of TTC but I'd still convince myself there was hope ready to be disappointed again. Bastard things 😂

you're so sweet, thank you 💕
Haha yeah, they suck. Everyone I've spoken to says they're unreliable but they've never been wrong for me either 🥲

You need to talk to him and tell him how he's making you feel and how you are feeling, it's not right to feel like you are being pressured or guilted into sex

Omg hun please use lube when you have sex.

Also I seriously question why you want a second baby with him. Can you take this month to stop and reevaluate if you REALLY want to stay with him?

No means no. If he can't respect you saying no, and keeps pestering you...........he's probably not a man you want to be married to.

Ooft this was a heavy read this morning. I appreciated all the help and support, I really do. But I can say with confidence that my husband is not a narcissist, rapist or abuser. It's an interesting insight and I can understand the concern, but I don't feel unsafe at all. I just feel unseen/unheard. I don't think he does it on purpose, I think it's more that he just has a one-track mind and way of thinking. He sees the opportunity for us to have more unprotected sex and doesn't think about how it could be affecting me that we aren't getting pregnant. He just sees that as a cause to have MORE sex. I think he also thinks he can fix it by just having more sex. He's also just not very good at being sexual in a way that isn't just "let's fuck you're so hot" kind of way.
I took another negative test this morning and he hugged me and said he was sorry it hasnt happened yet, which I appreciated, but I think he had felt how cold I was being to him yesterday honestly..

As far as the therapy thing goes, I had asked him if he'd consider it because I'm pretty certain he has OCD, but he doesn't want to face it. I can only encourage him, I can't force him. He isn't the type of man to talk deeply about his feelings, so I don't think therapy would be an easy thing to get him to do. It's not so much that he doesn't see that he has a problem, he has admitted to having OCD tendencies and probably anxiety too, but he just doesn't want to delve into it all with a therapist and would rather deal with it himself (with my support)

Ive ordered some lube 😅🥲

If I had said no he would stop, he wouldn't keep going. He's knows I'm uncomfortable but he also knows I want to get pregnant, so its not entirely his fault. Yes he should probably stop and try to get me more in the mood, but I take some of the blame for just wanting him to get it done and over with

This has snowballed into the longest thread I've ever had 🥲 I appreciate all the advice and support from you girls 💕, I'm going to try having a conversation with him later whilst our toddler is with his grandparents. Hopefully I can get through to him about sexualising me when I'm upset, and just not being very supportive, because that's the main issue I was upset about honestly