Alone Time Vs Neglect

There’s no way I could do this. The only time I “ignore” my kids is when I’m desperately trying to get some housework done. I don’t do it so I can spend some time by myself.

The only time I don’t have the kids around is when I’m in the kitchen cleaning it or cooking as it’s a bloody hazard. I might look at my phone for 5 minutes or say “give me five minutes, I need to eat”

But the whole day? 😭

I don’t see how anyone could even get their children to leave them alone for that long lol that is clearly negligent. I do think it’s good to instill independence at a point and to a point also. Age appropriate. My kids are a bit older so they can do things on their own more and that does free up some of my time but not a ton lol they still stay calling on me for things.

When my daughter was younger I could never do anything alone. She couldn't even sleep unless I was in the bed with her! Now she's 4 she does like to play independently, and I can shower uninterrupted most mornings or even take a little nap sometimes if I really need to. All her needs are met, we play together a lot, I prepare her healthy meals, and I'm not overwhelmed, overstimulated, and exhausted all the time.

I think the difference between independence and neglect depends on how often, how old they are, and if their needs are being met. A 15 year old can definitely prepare their own meals and let their parents bathe by themselves, a 2 year old is more likely to need support and interaction in that time.

@Raven🇵🇸 They've been trained their entire lives to not ask for anything. When they do ask, they immediately get LOUD because being quiet doesn't work. I would say the kids are alone but not independent. They have some survival skills, like being invisible, but they don't know how to do things other kids might know how to do.

@Claudia If you asked these women if their children's needs are being met, they'd say yes, but I'd say no. They aren't doing the things you described.

I feel guilty if I take my eyes off my toddler for more than 60 seconds. Sounds like neglect to me

I have a relative who, because she's not a morning person, would always sleep in and make her kids get up to make their own breakfast / watch tv, etc. I don't know how young it started but I remember this happening when the oldest was 5 or 6, and his brother is 4 years younger. I tried not to judge but I really don't understand how you can do that all the time.

Toddlers making meals? Not real

Ya nope. I could never do this. The only time I take in a day for myself is in the morning after I get my daughter ready. She will play with her toys and watch ms Rachel while I take a bath (it’s needed due to my arthritis and I can’t start my day without a soak in epsom salt for like 20 minutes) then after all my attention is on her. She just turned 11 months today. Yes I know screens r bad but it’s only 20 minutes so I can take a bath

Not meals, but they're alone until dinner time to eat snacks they get for themselves

I remember when I was little my mom would tell me to go play while she read a book. She would eat snacks and read. I don't do that but I know im on my phone more than I should be.
I still had my needs met and everything I needed. She just didn't play with me. Now I feel guilty when I don't play with my daughter but my parents NEVER played with me and I would have rather played with my sister than with my parents. Idk thats just me. There's times I sit on the floor with my kids and interact but rarely full on play with them.
I do tell my 4 year old to give mommy a little bit of space sometimes as shes always right next to me and never stops talking and I get overstimulated and don't want to yell at her.

Sounds like mom is depressed and needs to seek treatment. Leaving children for days at time to find for themselves no matter the age is neglect. Mom sounds like she needs some help.

@getting their own meals - this is horrible. Imagine how much sugar and junk or just unbalanced that must be. Im guessing these folk don’t have snacks and meals pre-made, hence the not getting up with your children. Just seems lazy

I know someone like this. She was like this for years….. I felt bad for her kids because they were dirty and picked out their own clothes which were also dirty. They looked like street urchins and had 0 table manners. It was embarrassing to be around them because these kids had no rules and everyone else did. The only thing that helped the mother was going back to work actually so they had to hire help to clean the house (which was like living in squalor tbh, week old dishes in the sink). The crazy thing about this situation is the family was quite affluent.

If I go over in the morning, the kids are still wearing the filthy clothes they played outside in the day before and then slept in

@Jadie None of the kids have manners of any kind, but neither do the mothers. Although I'm friends with them, they aren't the kind of friends I can take anywhere. I like hanging out with them because we have watch parties and watch TV.

There is a lot of soda, chips, and candy

It has been years like this

Sounds like depression to me. Makes people very unmotivated without noticing there is something wrong.