Baby prefers Daddy :(

I know how you feel because I had and still have this with my first.. she is a daddy's girl and nothing is going to change this.. and ultimately I think it's quite normal as we all tend to prefer some people over others and have innate preferences. Does this suck? Absolutely it does, especially when you give it your all and you just want some connection. It still bothers me but I have learnt to accept it and have found other ways to connect with her that I am sure you will find too over time - we have our own inside jokes, our own songs, our own games etc etc. It's hard not to take it personally but the only thing you can do is continue what you are doing x

I think there are 2 parts to consider here. Firstly that, as you say, kids do tend to prefer the parent they spend less time with. You know what though, that's because they feel so secure in the care they are receiving from you. You get all the crappy bits coz they know you are there no matter what. Secondly, is how you feel about it. If it's really starting to get to you and bother you, it might be a good thing to access how you are doing in general. When I felt like this with my last baby, and it was really intense and bothering me, I turned out to have post natel depression. I was seeing it more than it was in reality, convinced my baby didn't like me. Of course it may not be this at all, but I think it's always a positive to assess yourself and make sure that you are actually doing OK, having time for you when needed, and that this isn't getting too much. Motherhood can be massively overwhelming And post natel depression doesn't just appear magically after birth, it can often be when baby is 6-12 months x

Its a bit contradictory but if shes whingy and complaining with you its because you are her safe space so its like you are the favourite even though it doesn't feel like it! Its like when kids get older they will behave well for other people but less so at home because they know they can let out their frustrations at home as its a safe space

I can understand why she cries and whinges with me as it could be that she feels safe, that bit kinda makes sense, but why doesn't she smile or laugh with me?

She’s only 9 months old. You do have that bond you’ve just probably never been away from her long enough for you or her to realise it. You’re her mum and we do get the shit end of it. Girls are notorious for being obsessed with the dads hence the saying daddy’s girl. I feel like this is coming more from a jealously with your partner because he’s not supporting or helping you as much as he should be. She doesn’t understand what clothes are or vitamins or even realise if the house is tidy or not. To her she sees you all day and daddy probably comes home and is relaxed and funny to her x

This is happening to us right now😩
This is the message I sent to my Mom Support WhatsApp group

Does anyone else’s baby girl prefer their dad?
My baby clearly prefers her dad — her whole face lights up the moment he walks into the room. Even if I’m holding her, she’ll try to jump out of my arms just to get to him. She reaches out for him to carry her and will even cry if he doesn’t respond quickly.

But she doesn’t react the same way to me - only on very rare occasions.
If her dad is holding her, she won’t even let me touch her. Sometimes he has to sneak out of the house, because if she sees him leave, she starts crying. But she hardly ever reacts like that when I step out. 🥹

And the hardest part? I’m the one who’s with her 80% of the time. 💔

And 95% of the persons who responded said it’s normal, sadly!

My daughter isn’t a daddy’s girl but she will literally find a tree stump more interesting than me! But I don’t think I’ve been away from her for more than 5 hours total since she was born (spread out over 1hour stints) so I think she’s just bored of me and fair enough because I would be bored of me too by now 😂 only advice I have is stop doing all the tedious things, get dad to do some of them. Even the weight of parenting and you might not resent it as much plus you’ll have more time to get back to you. This could be a blessing in disguise. Give them 1on1 time that little en wants and get away for a bit and do something self indulgent instead of just ploughing through housework in your spare time!! If mummy isn’t happy then NO ONE is happy x

@Leila Yeah, my partner doesn't help or support. He's often busy at on the sofa playing with his phone, even the rare times he's interacting with her, he's still mostly on his phone. I actually focus on her when I'm interacting with her, which is 95% of the time.

Also, this also happens when he's at home all day. In fact weekends are worse, even more so when he has a week off, and weekends, so he's home 9 days in a row. It's bad enough when he's come home from work, but much worse when he's at home for long periods. It seems the less she sees him, the more she wants him, but then the more she sees him, the more attached she is to him. The polar opposite is the case with me, the more she's with me, the more bored she gets, but then the one time I was away for 2 hours, she was uninterested in me when I came back, when I thought she'd miss me.

@Leila It seems when it comes to dads, less is more, but also, more is more. It seems tipped in their favour no matter what.

I do feel jealous because he does the bare minimum, still has a life unlike me, treats me badly even in front of our daughter, and yet he gets all the perks of parenthood without any of the baggage. I'm not a jealous person, but this inequity hits where it hurts.

@Faith it's so unfair isn't it. We do all of the hard work, all of the horrible tasks, and even when we try our best to also be a fun and playful parent, the baby still prefers dad even when dad doesn't dedicate much time to the baby.

@Faith What makes this harder for me is whilst parenting, I have been consciously trying to avoid gender stereotypes and gender bias. I have been actively trying to be the fun parent, which I know is traditionally seen as a dad's role. Hence why lots of children seem to prefer their dad.

I have been actively trying to dissuade my daughter from having any preference and I have been trying to be fun and engaging, and yet no matter my efforts, she still prefers her dad no matter what I do. Even if I do the same things he does, it doesn't have the same result. I've always observed babies and children prefering their dads whilst the mum has all of the horrible bits, which is why it took me so long to have a baby, but I thought it would be different in my case as I actively try and avoid gender stereotypes. I don't want to be the boring parent who gives up everything just to be taken for granted, whilst my partner still has his freedom, independence, identity, and hobbies, whilst getting all the reward out of parenthood.