Selfish to leave a child under the age of 1 for vacation?

She KEEPS going on vacation? I could see going on ONE vacation for a few days without my little dude, but multiple? No way.

Yes she’s selfish.

I agree! This is the third time she’s left her baby. I don’t want to say anything since I know she will get pissed off. It’s sad for her baby, and not good for their development. She keeps going on “Girls trips” too, and she has a 3 or 4 year old which is fine but the 9 month old baby I’m like…. Ummm….. not good and I feel bad for it. Thanks for your opinion and thoughts

Nope, my kids have been travelling with us since 9 weeks old. Long haul, short haul, adventure hols, our wedding and even the honeymoon. They are always involved and great travellers.

One holiday as a bit of a break for mum or dad? Sure, I can get that if you are lucky enough to have a village. Go for it.

Repeatedly going on holiday without your baby and your other child? Doesn’t look good. “Girls” holidays? Definitely doesn’t look good.

It just makes me think that they don’t want to actually parent. It’s hard work. I couldn’t imagine leaving them at home even once.

I’m glad you said this and I totally agree. I feel she wants to 1/2 parent and always talks about doing things for herself but that’s the issue with some modern day mom’s right now. It’s not about you, it’s about the baby and how they need you so bad right now. I don’t want to fake happiness when she’s trying to tell me about her 3rd vacation right now. I don’t know what to say besides nothing since I don’t want to insult her, or tell her I don’t agree with it. I truly feel her child will act out later on due to the primary caregiver being not present 100% during this critical time

I agree. But yea I wouldn't say anything and offend her. Maybe she will stop and chill after this one.

Def not good for the baby. Hope they are short trips at least and she's attentive when she is present. Or if the baby has some sort of parental or grandparent to attach w that will help.

Idk tho I had post partum so bad w my first. I still couldn't have left her that often I'm just saying maybe there's something else going on so it's hard to judge from an outside view really. You never know what anyone is up against even if they seem fine on the surface. I hope the baby doesn't suffer tho of course from the time apart

It's interesting to see how different people parent. I have one friend left and we aren't even that close at all now as adults. We were besties when younger. But our parenting styles are so opposite it's crazy. And now we barely chat. I maybe see her once a year if that

This is so true. I feel the same way with your feelings. I want to say something but don’t want to upset her, since she probably thinks she knows more than me since she has 2 kids and I only have one. I want to say something! I know she will get angry if I speak up and politely remind her that she’s a mom to a new baby. What would you do? Or say anything?

Nope. Not selfish. Went on many vacations while my kids have been babies.

I mean once ok. But 3x is a bit much. Need to get her priorities in order

Not selfish in the slightest.
Whatever works for her family works for her family. And if she has the support system to do this, then that's awesome.
Her taking moments to recharge and be the best version of herself for her family is wonderful.
To suggest this would affect the child's development is a wild statement to me.

right? Way to say that traveling parents either for pleasure or work have developmentally harmed their kids 😂🤣

I agree! My best friend was a traveler before becoming a mom & keeping a piece of herself & having a supportive partner & village to allow her to do this has truly helped her through postpartum. Honestly if she didn’t do this I don’t think she’d be the most amazing mother that she is. Motherhood is hard. Losing your identity of self in early motherhood is HARD. If her way of navigating parenthood is not your preference thats okay, wish the best for her and let her be.

If she's leaving them with other loving caregivers that she is familiar with (dad, grandma, etc), I think it's fine. It's not for you, or me, but for her it works. I can think of lots of reasons she might feel like she needs to go more than stay. If you find yourself looking for reasons to judge her parenting, I'd take a step back from the friendship. I think it's a natural thing to wonder about since it is not the norm, but I also think she needs support, not whatever is going on here...

She has a 24/7 job…she needs vacations! I will not judge her for taking only 3 vacations a year as long as she has childcare

Not selfish. I’m with the few that have said she should travel as she pleases. It certainly will not harm the development of the baby - that’s a crazy statement that has no evidence. Some people find that traveling makes them a better person and you can’t expect every single mom in the world to be home with their baby 24/7 for the first couple years of their lives. Not all moms work that way. Yes it may seem unconventional to you but it seems to work for her and her family so you shouldn’t be judging them for that especially if you don’t know their family dynamic. I met a mom at the airport who left her 8 month old for 2 weeks to go on a solo trip. She missed her son deeply but that’s what she needed to do for her own personal sake. I’d love to go on some solo travels and leave my babies at home but I EBF so logistically I can’t.

I take my son on all my trips because the places I go to are beautiful and I want him to have that experience with me. He’s 4 and I haven’t taken even one vacation without him. Yet.
BUT, I see nothing wrong with having short getaways away from your kid if you have an amazing support system and your baby is well taken care of. Nothing is wrong with that.

I wouldn't say its selfish. If she leaves one weekend a month, 12 a year i wouldn't call it selfish. Shes still her. Baby isn't left uncared for? Surely baby is left with dad, other mom, parent, or trusted adult?? When shes with her baby id imagine she plays, hugs, kisses, sings, reads, takes walks, feed, bathes etc with her baby and those are ways to secure the attachment. I would assume when she comes back her focus is on the repairing and reconnecting with her little one. If she has support to give herself a break and she trusts that support, thats great.

Personally, my child is 2.5yr old next month and I have never been apart from her. Thats just me. I know parents that would say im "too attached".

Not selfish so long as baby is appropriately cared for

I personally am not a fan of leaving my young kiddos with someone else. I don't have anyone in my life I would trust to care for my kiddos in my absence except for my hubby. I'd love to do a trip just hubby and I but I am just not ready yet. Maybe when the kiddos are older. A lot of people would tell me I have separation anxiety. To each their own

No. My girl is 7mo and I’ve left her with my brother an hr here and there for therapy. Then I made 6 family members come together to watch her for 6hrs a few months ago. My husband and I are taking a trip next summer, depending on where we go, depends on if we take her. She’ll be 1.5yo by then.

she’s gone on 3 vacations and the baby is 9 months old. wouldn’t that mean she spends more time at home compared to being on vacation? you say you’re “concerned for her baby” but honestly this just reeks of jealousy. if you don’t like her lifestyle, there’s nothing stopping you from breaking off the friendship.

There’s more info I’d need like the duration of the trips, who the kids are with, does this impact them financially or mentally in a negative way that can be truly detrimental to both kids and partner? I don’t think it’s exactly selfish but perhaps a broad look in her current stage of life would be helpful. My daughter’s first time away from me was my husband took her for 3 days to Florida at the age of 2. She had a blast and I was insanely productive in that period

I don't know if it's selfish or not. Depends also how is she when she is with them.... I personally wouldn't have gone on vacation during the first year. I did for the first time at 18 months. Bit that's just me...

I don't know, how long are the vacations? If she's a great mum then I don't think her having a break now and then will matter.

Do people bat an eyelid when dads go away or is this another double standard?
Not a dig, but something to think about.

Nothing wrong with that. She can enjoy herself and let loose without possibly endangering the baby. Also I wouldn’t care because its not my business how many trips someone takes without their kids

No not selfish. Mums are blessed if they even have trusted people to leave their babies to because even if lots of mums wanted to, they couldn’t. Or they’d have to pay for babysitting. Also, whoever is looking after them is more bonding time w that Gparent or Aunty or Dad or whoever. I think it’s healthy for development and doesn’t cause separation anxiety between mum and baby

But by yourself and without your husband?

Let her live 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yup! By myself without my husband.

Not selfish at all. I recently went away for 3 nights as my tank was empty. My partner looked after my 11 month old and I came home with a new sense of energy. We have our own ways of being the best mums. But in order to be the best mum we do need to recharge and refill our tanks. We all refill our tanks in different ways.