I’m 19 weeks pregnant and my partner and I haven’t been intimate for over a month.
It’s come at a time where we are both experiencing changes. He has been on a health kick for a long time and it’s coming up to the end of the intense journey where he has been training hard to meet a goal, so ultimately he’s been ensuring he gets his rest and his sleep etc.
He does so much for our family already on the daily so I cannot fault his commitment to us and all that he does, but with us as a couple feels like we aren’t there anymore.
We barely even share a kiss as we focus on getting things done around home and our little girl who we already have.
I feel changes in myself, getting bigger feeling unattractive some days and then the next embracing my new body. Hormones and moods are a real thing.
I kind of sensed that when it came to intimacy we wouldn’t have moments and thought I’d be okay not getting it on in bed on weeknights with routine but now it feels like he’s hit his end goal and can relax a little from the fitness and not be so intense and regimented in the routine that he’s hinted we can have a moment.
It feels too scheduled for me when we have both expressed we miss each other physically beforehand but now it’s like we’re pencilling in the moment.
Am I being selfish or mean to just laugh off his hints like ‘oh really’ because I am upset and frustrated that we have waited this long and it feels like we’re booking the time in, or should I be more understanding?
I’ve laid awake at night when he hits the pillow and falls asleep as I can’t sleep due to pregnancy etc and just having too much time to think.
Like we were great before this otherwise wouldn’t be pregnant right?
As I said he’s a great man I think I’m just a bit upset.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Honestly pregnancy is a rollercoaster and not always glamorous, let's be honest. I'm also 19 weeks with my first, i feel like sometimes just knowing there's a whole human being inside me ruins the mood a little and things can't exactly happen especially if I'm actively getting kicked... and the laying in bed unable to turn your brain off, also an annoying classic sadly... ultimately the way YOU feel is out of your control, and if you feel like this might get in between you and your partner then maybe talk with him and tell him this is how you feel, and to understand that it's not exactly easy to find a good time to bond in every way because your body is changing. It is a temporary "issue" but it doesn't mean the love isn't there, as long as you guys keep your bond alive with little dates, even simple things like a movie night and snacks, simple embracing and words, you will get through this. And don't worry about moods and hormones, I literally cried because my husband drank some of my lucozade 🤣🤣🤣
oh yeah 100% agree it’s a rollercoaster.
Sorry if my explanation wasn’t very clear it a a lot to write down.
Essentially I’m frustrated as I feel like I’ve waited 4 weeks/ more of the feeling of wanting to be intimate but because of his health kick it hasn’t happened and now it seems like it suits him and his times I don’t feel like I can be bothered.
I’ve expressed in the lead up to this feeling that I miss us and our physical connections as he has but he’s said it’s Just this final push to get to his target goal so when we’ve gone to bed he’s asleep and I’ve laid awake.
Trouble is date nights haven’t happened or days due to his commitment to his health, no off plan snacking etc or dinner dates and especially whilst seeing to our toddler. It’s no fun snacking by yourself :)
But let’s see maybe I’ll lighten up just didn’t know if I’m now being selfish thst sfter waiting so long and it’s now convenience for him that I don’t know if I want to be intimate

I mean girl if you ain't feeling it at the moment then there's that, it's no fun if it feels like a chore or something to make the other happy (obv not assuming that's the case). I still think a serious conversation is needed, you are right to not just give in if that's how you're feeling just like how he prioritised his goals and put himself first, nothing wrong with that! Libido is something VERY variable in a normal woman let alone a pregnant one 😅 sorry about the snacking suggestion, totally oversaw the fitness aspect of the post, but hey it could become a cute cooking date and family movie afterwards, maybe try new recipes so that way you can keep an eye on what's being eaten and you still get to spend some quality time all together and keep your bond alive 💕 pregnancy is a journey, a tough one but it is so worth it. And no relationship is perfect, as long as communication is there everything can be fixed

My husband and I always have a kiss and hug in the morning before he leaves for work. And I never paid attention to it but when he comes home from work he always had to go upstairs to find me in the bedroom for his hug and kisses. He somehow was able to voice that he would love for me to be treating him more happily and for him to feel like I was waiting for him to come home. And I can see that this has made us feel a lot more closer to each other even though he is having difficulty being able to be intimate as he is worrying he will hurt the baby bless him.
I think its good to start small and see what random habit you guys can have to reconnect and go from there. Theres always ups and downs so its how you guys find your way back to each other and your journey is always more fun than the end result. You can find those questionnaires online for couples with kids that you can ask each other to help you both understand your own feelings during this time.
Wishing you the best on your journey ❤️