Anyone know why friends without babies just don’t get it? (advice needed please)

Hey y’all,

*marked as sensitive because I am a sensitive person lol. Did I do that right? 😛

My baby just turned 1 years old last Thursday. I had a medically complex and difficult pregnancy, and I was busy all the time as I was working as a nurse and I was also enrolled in a nursing bridge program in another city. I am 24F, with friends of all ages, but my friends around the same age specifically all dropped me or stopped communicating with me as soon as I was pregnant. I mean, just about everyone fell off of the face of the Earth.

I struggled with pregnancy depression and severe postpartum depression (medicated with Zoloft) starting at 4 months postpartum. I most definitely was not able to get out of the house very much, nor was I able to take care of myself. Granted, I wasn’t hanging around many people either considering my mental state.

I got a text from a friend the other day saying her sister (childless), a friend of mine ever since kindergarten, was offended she was not invited to her first birthday party. This person invited me to one thing when I was postpartum and argued that I was not making the same efforts to continue the friendship, when in reality I was fighting for my life mentally. I had explained that immediate family and friends with littles were invited, as I didn’t want any of my friends without littles to feel obliged to go to a baby’s first birthday party.

The same friend (4 months postpartum) that had texted me had breastfeeding problems and I decided to give her a call (lactation certified over here) and at the end of the phone call, she goes on to tell me about how I have a village and there are so many people she knows that support me. What village? I had two friends stop by my house in the 12 months I was postpartum. I don’t have family locally, except for my mother I cut off for much needed reasons. Trying to navigate motherhood without my mother present is a challenge in itself. Their family lives locally. She then goes on to demand that I apologize to her sister and call her, in the midst of all of the things I am juggling currently. Y’all, I am just trying to keep my head above water. Both of these people are aware I was struggling with severe postpartum depression.

Having depression and nobody checking in on me during my postpartum journey, I checked up on the postpartum friend mentioned earlier at least twice a month to see if they needed anything. I do not feel like the same energy was reciprocated on her end.

So my question is, anyone know why people without children are so out of touch with reality..? And should I even bother calling this friend back? I leave for a 20 hour flight Tuesday. Internally, I feel like I have not received any support from these people and I was berated over the phone. Thank y’all 🥰

in our community

Can someone pls help i keep making this post and nobody is responding

My boyfriend booked a trip for us to go to mexico for a week as my push present. I have severe anxiety leaving my 7 month old with my mom. I know she will be in good hands but she’s exclusively breast fed for the most part but accepts bottles just fine. i have all my pumping parts packed and will pump when baby normally eats but i don’t want baby to forget me or have latch issues when i return!! any mommas ever experience this?

Postpartum

I’m only 3 days postpartum (FTM) and already have extremely bad anxiety. I’m crying every night, as I think of another night of no sleep. My baby will not settle in his cot, he cries every moment we put him down unless in his chair rocker. So me and my partner are having to alternate after 3/4 hours of being awake with him downstairs. I’m trying everything to get him to settle. It’s a load of overwhelming stress. I’m 23, I was desperate for a baby and now I have one and feel completely useless. I miss it just being me and my partner.

When does it get better?

I was crying on the phone with the perinatal mental health team today and the lovely lady, bless her, kept assuring me that it gets better. I kept telling her I hope so because people have been saying that since having my LO and it just feels like it keeps getting worse. She assured me it gets better....

Rant/WWYD

My sister (youngest, 24) has two kids, 4 & 1, and i (oldest, 30) just have my one who’s 6mo old right now, so i ask her for advice or call her to vent about things sometimes. Well im tired of her turning around and telling my other family members that I’m “losing my sh*t.” Literally have not lost my sh*t nor have i ever freaked out to her about my baby, i just call her to talk and tell her what stage my baby is in or talk through how im feeling, but she chooses to tell people that im like a complete nutcase or something which worries me that my family is going to start being judgmental about me as a mother or looking at me funny like I’m some fragile ticking time bomb.

What would you do in this situation? I’m already pretty much decided that I’ll stop telling her anything about my struggles, but I’m almost at the point where i feel like it should be confronted because she, of all people, should understand what I’m going through.

Night time routine

Heya, my 3 week old daughter is currently exclusively breastfed and I’m not pumping. Can anyone recommend the best way to share the load with my partner? At the moment I’m doing all the feeds/burbs/settling and my partner is sleeping through which obviously isn’t sustainable, I’m trying to work out the best way to get him involved. Any advice very much appreciated!

Rapid cool/ hot shot method

Sorry if this sound stupid but how are we doing the hot shot method?
Are we boiling the kettle and letting it cool a little before adding to hot flask? Then with the cool water do you boil the kettle and leave it to cool right down before putting into another flask?
My baby brain is fried trying to work out the easiest way!