Scary experience- advice please
So recently my baby has been teething and is up constantly throughout the night between 10-3 literally multiple times within an hour. I do all the get ups because my husband works. I’m so exhausted! He’s been off the past 3 days and said he would help, he’s woken up once for 2 days and moaned about how tired he is which I’ve said ‘that’s only waking up once how do you think I feel waking up 10 times a night’ he said well I work 12 hour shifts which I do understand and he’s been doing overtime for extra money which I appreciate.
Last night I woke up twice with the baby and it got to half 5 I was fast asleep and he came in the room with the baby (baby is in own room) and I half woke up and said ‘I didn’t hear them wake up’ he said they were crying on the monitor, I have never not woken up when they cry I always hear them I have the monitor right next to my face at night.
Anyway, he puts the baby next to me and says I’m going for a wee, I’m literally like a zombie, I hold my baby’s hand and close my eyes for like 20 seconds he comes in and starts shouting I jump awake and a pillow is over my baby’s face. My heart sank. I pulled it off I started crying. My baby was absolutely fine. He starts shouting at me saying it’s my fault, which I agree it is my fault but I also said to him it’s your fault too you put the baby down high up against your pillows which our baby was able to reach and pull down I always place baby lower down so they can’t reach for a pillow. He thinks he’s not in the wrong. I’m half asleep I feel like he should have thought about that. Whenever I put the baby in bed to nip to the toilet while he sleeps I always place baby slightly lower so they can’t reach for a pillow and put a pillow at the side of the bed so they can’t roll, I do that every single morning while he’s asleep but this one time I’m asleep it’s my fault it happened what’s your opinions on the situation.
I know I’m at fault too but I feel like he should take some accountability
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It sounds like you’re exhausted and need more help than your partner is providing.
I’d try and take the blame out of the situation and take it as a learning experience for you both though.. if baby is ever in the bed the bed should be set up to co-sleep safely and that way if you fall asleep everyone is safe.
As someone who also had a terrible sleeper (he woke every 40 mins for months) and who’s partner didn’t do nights as I was breastfeeding I highly recommend co-sleeping for maximum sleep and rest anyway. Not getting up and down 100x a night really makes a difference x
Your definately extremely exhausted ive had a simmilar scary experience from pure exhaustion and i cried for days about how i could possibly hav3 let it happen but it is genuinly just pure extreme exhaustion and you really are not to blame...my baby was about 3 month old when my scary situation happened and we were also struggling with his weight so id had near enpufg 3 months of pumping every 2 hrs and feeding every 2 hrs round the clock so at night id have to be up every hr to feed or pump and like you i didnt like to wake his dad because of the 12 hr shift work so i get it howether once this happened my little boys dad wasnt taking no for answer and started helping out during days he wasnt working and nights he wasnt working so i could sleep longer.
Id be having a word with your partner and try to get him to understand why this has happened ..because your tryna be super mum but your only human and need sleep ...irs time for him to quit the moaning and help out when he can .xx
Oh lovely I’m so sorry this happened :( do you have any family who could come round and watch baby for the day so you can sleep for the day and they can watch baby? Your partner really needs to pull their head out their a*** and help instead of just being bitter about it :( but I know that’s not always possible!x
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