My husband has anger issues BAD
Over the last few years my husband has gotten older ( close to 50 ) and he seems to lose his temper really fast. We have a 3 year old and our 3 year old starts crying when he doesn't get his way. My husband says that I "baby him and always give him his way" and that's why he's a fucken cry baby/weenie. ( He has 2 older kids 20 & 21 yrs old ) He has always been great with kids but for some reason he has no patience with our 3 year old. He literally yells at him when he's crying and throws him in the room since my husband doesn't want to hear him cry. Our 3 year old will cry and ask for his mommy and my husband gets mad and throws him in the room and shuts the door. Sometimes he'll go in the room with him and he starts yelling at him and if I go in the room to separate them he starts yelling at me and tells me to get the hell out. That it's my fault that he's this way. Today the football game was on and the Rams were losing to the Eagles and our 3 year old was playing with the sink water in the bathroom and he told him to stop playing with the water and pulls him out of the bathroom and shuts the bathroom door, so then all frustrated our toddler comes crying to me and there's 03 seconds left to the game and my husband didn't want to hear him cry so he picks him up and literally throws/ chucks him on the bed and I tell my husband to Stop!!! ( He was pissed from the game and literally took it out on our 3 year old ) Once the game was over his Rams team lost by field goal block and he went into the room and our 3 year old is screaming!!! I know he doesn't hit him but he yells in his face at the top of his lungs and grabs him hard by his arms and even pushes him from the front chest and our 3 year old falls on his butt. ( I'm crying as I'm typing this ) I can't take it anymore. I'm 100% dependent on my husband and he's great to me. We have great communication, great everything, he's my best friend. He is the best partner I can ask for but he treats our son like shit. Ever since my son was born things have changed. We would never fight and now we fight all the time and it's about our 3 year old. We have 2 completely different views of raising our son. Like I said, he had 2 older kids and the second child had a heart condition growing up and his ex wife would baby him and now that he's older he is a wimp, ( according to him ) so he doesn't want our 3 year old to be a wussy/ wimp. He says he wants him to be tough and strong. I'm like dude chill he's fkn 3!!!. I sometimes want to leave but I know everyone says things get easier as he gets older, he's just a toddler. We do not have any other children. He is my 1st and only and this is his 3rd child. I'm just so mad because we constantly fight about our toddler and he does show him love and everything but if he's pissed and if the toddler is acting up he'll take it out on him. Like why?? Sorry for the long rant. Just venting. I don't know what to do? My family sees my husband's temper, especially since the last family gathering our 3 year old was having a meltdown and knocked his food on the floor on purpose and made a huge mess and my husband comes up to him and smacks the top of his little hands so hard that everyone's jaw dropped like wtf? My mom said to him, Don't do that! And excused herself from the table and started crying in her room. I tell my husband all the time to Stop! And don't do that! But then he just rips me up and screams in my face and we get into a big big fight. Someone once told me, be your son's biggest advocate since they can't speak up for themselves. My son also has a speech delay and he's starting ABA soon and instead of helping him, he just makes things worse. 😓😓
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Shouting at a 3 year old and throw him in a room!!? Your husband's behaviour is extremely damaging for this child. If you read any research around child psychology, you will know this is extremely harmful and frankly child abuse. This will only get worse. Sounds like your husband has anger issues and taking it out on your poor child and masking it by saying its discipline. If I were you, I would have a very serious conversation with him using outside mediation such as a therapist or family member. If you read up any research about child psychology, you would find out how damaging this is for them. At this age their nervous system gets wired and abuse like that can have life long impact. Hitting and screaming at 3 year old frankly so pathetic and I am sorry to be so blunt your husband Sounds like someone who is emotionally and physically abusive. I hope you get help as soon as possible for the sake of your child and yourself.
Please do not let this harm go on becase as your child's mum you need to protect him. Your husband is not a good man. Good people dont abuse their children. I know this is very hard to hear but what he is doing isnt toughening up. Its straight up abuse. And if he is yelling at you too then he is abusive to you too. If you did nothing, one day your child would grow up and think of all the abuse they suffered and will resent you and most definitely your husband. This is the truth many wont tell you perhaps out of politeness but you should absolutely shouldn't be with man who is abusing your child!!!
Leave
I dont know your finacial situation but you must talk with your family and see if they can help you to leave this abusive marriage. I know it is hard but your child dont deserve this and he will be so thankful one day that you protected him. If you let this go on you are no better than your husband since you let the abuse go on. Please dm me if you need any advice or help. I am more than happy to assist you.
I am so glad you are taking action right now . That’s the bravest and best thing you could do for your son. Lean on your dad for support and focus on keeping yourself and your little one safe. You’re stronger than you think, and one day your son will look back and know you protected him. AND YES 100% call the police once you reach your dad's house and tell them about the child abuse.
He may give you material things but none of that will protect your son from the fear and trauma he’s already experiencing. A child doesn’t care about luxury or travel. he cares about feeling safe, loved, and protected. Right now your son is being harmed and no amount of travel or luxury can undo that. You are stronger than you think and you can rebuild independence. Your child needs you to choose safety over comfort. Imagine you let your child get abused because you dont want to work!! That makes me sick to my stomach. D
Yes I will have them get a ring camera. In case he comes over which he will do!!!
It is not easy. My mum is not the greatest and undermines my authority as their mother because she thinks she knows best.
But it's a roof over our heads and warm beds
My heart bleed for your baby. This is abuse and I would definitely leave. He is not great husband screaming at you in front of your baby and treating your baby like shit. He is actually verbally violent and that will give traumas and anxiety to your kid. He is not great!
You're absolutely right to be concerned, and seeking help is the right thing to do. If you're planning to stay in the relationship (no judgment here), professional help is essential. Consider couples counseling, child therapy with a pediatrician, or parenting classes. A professional can help explain what’s typical behavior for a toddler and what crosses the line, give you both practical tools for handling tantrums, and provide a safe space to discuss your differing approaches to parenting without fear of being yelled at. People often regulate their behavior when speaking with trained professionals, which might make it easier for your husband to understand the seriousness of the situation.
It's also helpful to approach the conversation when things are calm, ideally before your child is upset. Choose a time when you’re both in a good space and able to have a constructive conversation. He'll likely be more open to discussing the situation when he's not already feeling angry.
Are you ok? This sounds so tough mama 💔 if my husband laid a hand on my child there would be hell to pay. Let alone scream in his face. Poor little one. Perhaps it’s part of the reason for speech delay. He needs love and nurture. Not this. Sending love to both of you
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