Is It Just Us? Marriage After Baby Feels So Hard

Before having my baby, my relationship with my husband was very good. It was actually rare for us to argue. Now that we have a daughter—she’s 9 months old—I feel like our relationship has become very different and chaotic. There isn’t a single time we go out without arguing about something, whether it’s because we’re running late, we forgot something, or the baby starts crying. I could make an endless list.

It’s worth mentioning that since the baby was born, we haven’t had any couple time, and honestly, I don’t know what to do to improve things. Is anyone else here in the same situation?

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After having a baby, a woman’s brain literally rewires (postpartum neuroplasticity). The amygdala becomes more sensitive, oxytocin increases, and we go into protective hypervigilance mode. We notice risks and problems we didn’t before. It’s biological, not personal. The mismatch between partners’ brain changes can create tension.

Can you plan a night out? A lunch on the weekend? The first year is SO hard on marriages, even the strongest. Couples therapy could help too just to talk things out! We did! It helped tremendously. You also NEED breaks outside the house, from each other and the baby. Can you ask family or friends to give you both a small break?

Talk, talk, talk. It's totally normal tl feel this way. Your relationship changes drastically after you've had a baby. You have a tiny human being who relies on you for survival almost constantly. Yiur relationship with the non-depentant becomes secondary, whether you intend it or not. Make time to talk and rebuild your intimacy step by step. I suggest starting with an honest exchange on how you both feel and what you need to rebuild it.

Take a breath, give yourself grace and them too. Remember you two are a team and you made that Lil life together...verify your safe space between you too. do daily check ins with each other verbally even if its a few minutes, ask for feedback, give feedback. When stuff bothers you address it in the team and no third parties, flirt with physical touch and words of affirmation and or travel down memory lane with pictures or situations yall grew through.... hopefully implementing some of that works as it did for us to reassure we still saw each other and that when times got hard we were each others rock.

Yes as women when we have babies our brain change so there is that but not enough people talk about how men change after a baby is born because some of them got you pregnant just to trap you into domestic slavery. I’m not saying that’s OP’s case but we need to talk about that more. It’s not just women who change. It can be the man showing his true colors post birth.

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