Someone make it make sense please
So my husband moved out in December, and at the end of that month, he was talking to me about wanting to buy a bicycle and a motorcycle for commuting purposes -- actively communicating with me about it. He even texted me to tell me the day he went out to buy a $200 bicycle. Idc much about a bicycle but appreciated the communication.
Then early last month, we had a whole yes-we-are-on-the-same-page conversation about how it made sense for a lot of reasons for him to keep driving his current vehicle for at least the next 6 months (there is nothing wrong with it; he's just grown out of it). Then two weeks later, he nearly went out and bought a new car with the expectation that I'd sign off on selling his old one (both our names are on the title). And he thought I'd run out that afternoon and sign over POA to him, so he could put my name on the new title too. I low-key lost it on him (because what changed since our last conversation??), and he nearly tore into me for not expecting the POA and thinking he was putting only his name on the title (like asking for the instant POA was supposed to be better than him going off and buying a new car by himself?? after he got approved for a sketchy sounding loan in just his name without telling me), but he wound up not getting the car just then.
Tonight we had some friends over for our kid's birthday and pretended to be a functional couple/family, and I found out that he just bought a motorcycle from his buddy. He'd mentioned that he was looking at the bike a week or two ago (he has looked at others before without buying them), but never said a word about doing more than that. And the way I found out was from asking his friend if he'd sold it, and he told me he had. So my husband set me up to be blindsided, because he knew these friends were coming over. And IDK if he overheard that conversation, but then after everyone left, he mentioned to me all casual-like that he had a title to register at the DVM... so if he didn't overhear, then that was his way of telling me he bought a motorcycle??
I'm so confused again because I've been feeling like things are better between us than when he first moved out, but why is he communicating with me worse now?? And it seems intentional from what I can tell.... He keeps going on and on to anyone who will listen about how much he's been working lately, and he told me he didn't have time to SEND A TEXT MESSAGE inviting half the people he'd said he would over for our kid's birthday, until this morning. But in the meantime he went out and bought a bike from his buddy, because that's what's important to him. Honestly I'm kind of surprised he didn't flake on showing up today, but I'm just so confused how I keep feeling like things are better between us but he keeps acting like they're worse. Can anyone make it make sense please? If you've made it this far, thanks for reading š©
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Why are you all living seperate. Sounds to me like he may be stringing u along to avoid alimony and child support? It could be out of sight and out mindā¦ meaning he did it because he felt he could and u werenāt around to ānagā him. He also could be doing what he feels he needs toā¦ to āfeelā better. I.e. new car and or motorcycle. Or he could be planning to be single and not telling u. Either wayā¦ you just need to make sure you put yourself first, prioritize by making decisions that are to your advantage, and hope for the best but expect the worst.
I had to learn to let go of money. I was always trying to know every little thing he spent money on and making documents so we could budget. Until I realized it caused more arguments than anything, it was hurting us. he started hiding things from me and stopped sharing his interests. It got quiet. So I let it go and decided if he can make sure all our bills are paid, I dont really have a problem. I didn't want to lose my husband. And since then, he has paid our bills, gives me fun money, buys me things, takes me out, and buys himself the things he wants to. we have money to put away, and he has started 2 new business ventures, bringing in even more money. I had to trust him, and in the end, it worked out for us. He has even secured assets for us and our daughter. That's just my experience.
Maybe you thought you were on the same page, but he might have just agreed with you to avoid an argument or a fight. Id say actions speak louder than words, and it seems he wasn't in agreement.
Well, honestly, with him moved out, it kinda sounds like you guys are separated. If that's the case. Im not really sure why what he is buying is really any of your concern. At that point, it's his business, not really any of yours if yall are separated. He honestly doesn't even need to be paying the mortgage if he has moved out, and not a lot of men would. I would honestly worry about that as he could use that as a way to get your home in a divorce since he is still paying for it while not living there and from the sounds of it, Even if he says he wants to fix it between you two clearly his actions arent showing that and it seems you've already come to that realization given the fact he is already moved out.
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How do you split task with partner when EBF?
Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel that Iām mad and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
My husband works 9-5 and Mon to Thu, has around 1h commuting each way. I completely understand that he is tired when he gets home and needs some time to decompress. Iām not expecting him to come through the door and immediately take over everything. However, Iām struggling with the fact that I donāt feel like my need for rest is being considered in the same way.
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At the moment, it feels like his working day finishes and eventually he gets some time to rest, whereas my āworking dayā doesnāt really finish. Iām with the baby all day, then Iām doing things around the house, then Iām breastfeeding through the night, and the next morning it starts again.
Before we had the baby, I didnāt feel like Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel quite resentful and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
Iām beginning to feel like Iām on a 24h rota between the baby and the house, and honestly, Iām starting to feel more like a housekeeper and primary caregiver than an equal partner.
I donāt want to resent him, because I know he works hard and I know he loves our baby. I also donāt want to minimise the fact that his commute is exhausting. But I need him to understand that I am exhausted too, just in a different way.
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