Feel very numb
My "partner" has gone awol. Im currently 5 months pregnant, he went out yesterday to the bank and was ment to get my tablets from the hospital as im classed as a high risk pregnancy and then arranged to go baby shopping. I ended work and proceeded to meet him. I tried ringing ect his phone switched off...I waited for 20 minutes and left to come home. When I returned home his car was here but he wasn't...I checked the camera and he walked up the street at 3.25pm and hasn't been seen or any contact since. I rang him work he hadn't let them know and he'd judt not turned up! I have notified the authorities...the last time he did the whole disappearing was a month ago then came back early hours. In an hour it'll be 24 hours.
He obviously just doesn't give a f**k tbh especially as he never even got my medication and I currently feel embarrassed and vulnerable especially as my family saw the real him before I did or maybe I did but didn't want to see it.
How do I cope?
Im petrified of becoming a single mum and doing it all on my own š¢ as i don't have a village.
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Why did he disappear a month ago ? This behaviour is very selfish or perhaps alarming if itās mental health related ? If not then where is he going and staying ? Serious words would be had and I would consider ending the relationship if heās not willing to get help or stop this behaviour.
You have 4 glorious months to start to figure it out and get your life in order. Without him. I'm not one to say to leave unless it's truly necessary but this type of behavior is unsafe once you have a baby. You need to be able to trust your partner with your child otherwise they are only adding to the stress/workload of motherhood. Being in this type of relationship will destroy you once you have your baby and no longer have any energy to work through these issues. Your baby deserves the best of you and with a man like this you won't be able to be anything close to your best. Give him the option to get help and work on his mental health before the baby comes and reevaluate (if you even want to) closer to the birth. It's hard to admit you made a mistake but it's harder to continue to make it ā¤ļø
If heās acting like thisā¦ youāre already doing it on your own and heās just adding a huge stress in your lifeā¦ not sure you can rely on him at all. You can do it alone and in a way more peaceful way
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How do you split task with partner when EBF?
Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel that Iām mad and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
My husband works 9-5 and Mon to Thu, has around 1h commuting each way. I completely understand that he is tired when he gets home and needs some time to decompress. Iām not expecting him to come through the door and immediately take over everything. However, Iām struggling with the fact that I donāt feel like my need for rest is being considered in the same way.
Iām currently EBF, so I understand that there are things he genuinely canāt do, particularly overnight. But during the day Iām with the baby constantly and then when he comes home, Iām still doing what Iāve been doing all day. Heāll often play with the baby while I have a shower or do something around the house, which I appreciate, but sometimes it feels like he sees this as āhelping meā rather than simply being a parent. Then the night shift starts again for me because I am EBF and I havenāt rested all day. Also, he sleeps in the guest room, which is great, but if heās slept all night uninterrupted he should feel rested.
The weekends are where I struggle most. He seems to feel that playing with the baby is his main contribution, while I end up using that time to clean, do laundry, tidy, cook, etc. It can feel as though he gets to spend his free time playing with our baby while Iām still responsible for making sure the house functions.
If he plays with the baby while I clean the house, he isnāt really āgiving me a breakā because Iām still working. Iām just doing a different type of work. Likewise, I donāt want to feel like I should be grateful that he is looking after his own baby while I get on with the chores.
I also donāt expect the house to be spotless or for everything to be perfectly divided 50/50. I know that with a baby, things are different and that his job and commute take a lot out of him. But I feel like there needs to be some recognition that I also need time when I am genuinely off duty.
At the moment, it feels like his working day finishes and eventually he gets some time to rest, whereas my āworking dayā doesnāt really finish. Iām with the baby all day, then Iām doing things around the house, then Iām breastfeeding through the night, and the next morning it starts again.
Before we had the baby, I didnāt feel like Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel quite resentful and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
Iām beginning to feel like Iām on a 24h rota between the baby and the house, and honestly, Iām starting to feel more like a housekeeper and primary caregiver than an equal partner.
I donāt want to resent him, because I know he works hard and I know he loves our baby. I also donāt want to minimise the fact that his commute is exhausting. But I need him to understand that I am exhausted too, just in a different way.
How do other couples divide things when one parent is exclusively breastfeeding and the other is working full-time? What does a fair division actually look like?? Please help
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Aldi and Lidl wooden toy event starting from 8th of October
Just letting you all know that the Aldi/Lidl wooden toy event has started with wooden appliances, foods, tools toys for children!
Planning for christmas, birthdays or buying ahead for your little one or maybe even yourself!
I managed to get hold of the fridge, country kitchen and basic foods - may go back for some more wooden foods and sweet treats to fill the kitchen!
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Feel completely trapped by breastfeeding
Its 1.30pm and all I have managed to do today is a quick shower and eat some toast. I havent been able to dry my hair, eat lunch, get dressed properly. I am so tired. Baby sleeps awful at night. Been feeding baby on and off for 2 hours. Every time they fall asleep I put them down and they wake within 2 mins. Even tried safe cosleeping as everyone swears by it, so I could at least sleep for a while, nope, he wakes within 5-7 mins just as I am starting to relax. We already do 1-2 bottles a day and its not helping. My husband will be home in 1 hour with our other child from school and I wont be able to play with her or anything as Im not even meeting my own basic needs. Does anyone have any advice as I cant continue like this, its hell honestly
15
Feel very numb
My "partner" has gone awol. Im currently 5 months pregnant, he went out yesterday to the bank and was ment to get my tablets from the hospital as im classed as a high risk pregnancy and then arranged to go baby shopping. I ended work and proceeded to meet him. I tried ringing ect his phone switched off...I waited for 20 minutes and left to come home. When I returned home his car was here but he wasn't...I checked the camera and he walked up the street at 3.25pm and hasn't been seen or any contact since. I rang him work he hadn't let them know and he'd judt not turned up! I have notified the authorities...the last time he did the whole disappearing was a month ago then came back early hours. In an hour it'll be 24 hours.
He obviously just doesn't give a f**k tbh especially as he never even got my medication and I currently feel embarrassed and vulnerable especially as my family saw the real him before I did or maybe I did but didn't want to see it.
How do I cope?
Im petrified of becoming a single mum and doing it all on my own š¢ as i don't have a village.
1
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I kind of hate my husband
I think Iām in a narcissistic abusive relationship. I donāt know if my algorithm has just been picking up on it and steering me to that content, or if itās just a trending topic rn. But I honestly hate my husband, yet I feel like heās all I have and I canāt leave. In the beginning of our relationship, he would encourage me to hang out with my friends but make subtle criticisms about them. Recently he just blatantly states āI donāt think theyāre good for our relationship.ā Yet he talks to his ex daily, and somehow thatās okay. He get defensive when I talk about anything serious, and when I try to keep things light, I need to shut up because itās useless information and no one cares. Everyday me and the kids all cater to his emotions, and we canāt have fun unless he is. Iām constantly criticized, and he degrades me to the kids. Sex isnāt even good anymore because the entire time he just tells me Iām not good enough and itās nothing like it used to be when we first met. Iām constantly drowning, and my friends and family are critical of me for staying even though they donāt even know what is happening behind closed doors and I just feel like if they think the little things are bad, theyād judge me way worse knowing the full extent. But when heās not around me I feel uneasy and anxious and desperate to be close to him again. He makes me feel like I canāt survive without him, even though I know I can and I actually think the reality is that he wonāt survive without me.
I just donāt know how to break the trauma bond and escape this.
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Rant/vent
My husband pissed me off.. baby had been cluster feed ALL day! Out of all days I was up early went to physical therapy came back, and baby literally would not sleep unless I was holding her or she was on the boob. My husband went to work and got off early originally calling because he was gonna stop for wings but said he felt guilty and came home with food. GREAT.. WRONG.
Baby starts crying as soon as I put her down to try to eat so I leave my food on a coffee table and my dog eats my fucking food. At this point Iām just over stimulated..
It started with a comment because he changed one poop diaper earlier she pooped again, so I was like can you please changed her again (keep in mind this mfer doesnāt even have to wake up with her bc Iāve done nights with her since she was born 3months ago) has the nerve to say he did me a favorā¦. I just give him a look I couldnāt control it and blurt out, youāre not doing me no f-ing favors itās YOUR daughter too.. (maybe I could have been nicer?)
But at this point baby has been up all day nothing worked a walk outside, a bath, complete darkness and on my tit for an hour (I literally felt sucked DRY..just completely touched out ) finally at midnight she falls asleep and I go downstairs to sit with my husband who is playing video games and he turns while on the headset and tells me. Shouldnāt you be asleep since the baby makes you so tired.. I just BOILEDā¦ I needed a minute, so I thought with him or even to myself before getting to unwind for bed.. so I just walk away.. I was in the kitchen washing my pump part and he comes up trying to hug me and has the nerve to get mad because I said, I donāt want it & proceeded to be like what now, why are you mad.. haha and what do you know baby starts crying.. it was just a long day.. Iām 4 hours of sleep in and up after a feed but the feelings are still lingering.. am I over reacting. Do I just let it go?
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