BD’s Mom…drama
My partner/baby daddy and I have been together for quite some time now. At first his mother and I got along and then after a year things went down hill. I’ll spare the major details but she was talking behind my back calling me manipulative and other destructive actions. My partner went no contact and I’ve steered clear of her ever since.
He has tried to rebuild his relationship with her in the last year or two and in that time she has just completely ignored my existence, which my partner has occasionally confronted her about but he’s not proactive about holding her accountable or maintaining boundaries.
I’ve been okay with not having a relationship with her and the consensus with my partner was she won’t have access to our kids. But now that I’m pregnant she’s “trying” to get back in my life, she’ll ask about me to my partner and buy me little things but everything goes through him. She’s not the type to address issues and will just try to pretend nothing happened. I don’t operate that way.
I want my partner to see my side but he just keeps saying he’s in the middle and says we need to just move on. I’ve gone this entire pregnancy without involving her and he’ll just give her updates when he sees her. My fam is planning the baby shower and today when he told her that the details are handled she got upset because she anticipated that she’d be involved and feels like she’s being left out. Which she is because I don’t want her involved. My partner isn’t conveying the truth about my feelings to her, he keeps sugarcoating things to avoid conflict and now I feel like I have no choice but to just get over things for his “peace”. She wants to have a big dinner and meet my parents. 🙄 I can foresee clashing over access to this kid in the future.
I just don’t like her and never will. I would prefer her not in my kids life but I guess I can’t really enforce that because it’ll start a problem with my BD… I just don’t understand how someone that ignores your existence for years can expect to be involved in milestones just because a baby is in the picture.
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This is a tough one, friend. Without knowing exactly what she did, it’s hard to give you the best advice for your situation. I’ve been there too though. Think about it as if you were in her shoes. If your son was with someone who didn’t like you. Especially when they’re pregnant with your grandchild.
Is this her first grandchild? It’s also not fair to your husband being the middle man, and feel like he has to choose between the two most important women in his life.
I wouldn’t move on completely, you’re still allowed to have boundaries, but I would take steps to begin to repair your relationship with her. I know that seems like a tall ask, but you never know, she could end up being extremely important during your pregnancy.
My MIL was in the room while I was giving birth. She stayed up all night with the baby after I gave birth so my partner and I could rest. Nobody is perfect, but as long as she is trying, you should too.
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