First time moms with stepchildren

Any other first time moms with stepchildren how are you finding it with them since having little one?
My stepchild is 16 turning 17 this year and we have them at the weekend apart from the odd one here and there. Before little girl arrived stepchild was fine but since she’s arrived he’s been really hard work. It sound so horrible to stay as I still care for him and treat him as my own as I always have but I’m struggling with how I feel towards him.

I think it’s mainly because of how his response has been to both baby and my husband. When little girl was born he didn’t come to our house for a month kept saying he had to stay at home for x y z etc until we eventually said are you not coming because of baby and he admitted he didn’t want to as it was weird. He eventually did start coming over again but doesn’t acknowledge his sister at all, hasn’t held her etc just treats it like she’s not there which is really hurtful to me and my husband. In typical kid fashion I don’t know if this thought has even cross his mind that it would be hurtful to us. When he is at ours he barely sees us literally just for food, I know part of it is typical teenager behaviour (sleeping in late etc) but he is just completely uninterested in doing anything with us like walks, days out etc. We have even asked him what would you like to do for the day and he mentioned things like the cinema we said we were thinking for all of us as a family as that’s obviously no good for a 7 month old baby to which he replied he didn’t know then.

Forgot to add this isn’t his only sibling he has a sister that he lives full time with although she’s slightly closer in age around 4/5 years apart

I don’t know what to do at this point, I know it’s hurtful for my husband especially and have said to him maybe speak to him about it but think he’s worried of upsetting him etc

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My parents separated when I was very young (infancy). However I think it may be hard for him as you can feel as if you're being replaced.

Maybe make him feel special and still very much a priority in his dad (and your) eyes. It can be a lot to process and on top of that being a teenager is hard.

Best of luck to you ❤️

Also - I think a lot of teenagers go through a phase of not wanting to do family stuff just friends, that's not even with a baby being involved lol! I'm sure he'll come back around with love and patience

I would suggest some quality time just him and his dad. Perhaps they could go to the cinema together and have a boys night. Without being rude, a 17 yr old doesn’t want to do the same things as a baby so you need to try and accommodate what he wants to do whilst also thinking about how you can keep baby entertained. Maybe bowling as a family, baby can sit in the pushchair with some toys. When my dad had children with his wife I was 14 & 15. And it felt very much like he had a new family now and me and my sister were not a part of that family.

My sister went through a similar thing with her eldest (soon to be 15) and youngest (soon to be 18 months) - also half siblings. At the beginning it was hard and he didn't really want to do anything with his little brother, or even have anyone mention him.. but now LO is getting a bit older he's a bit more involved.

I will also add that her middle child (9f) adjusted a lot better to having half siblings and step siblings than her eldest did in general.

While not completely the same, I have found that with hubby's neice (15) and nephew (12), his nephew is far more into our LO than she is.. I think she's a lot more anxious.

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